can't reach out

[Chilling__Echo]

Warning!!!

i'm normally a really optimistic, even positive person, i'm all about making your life the way you want it and all that jazz, i'm all about not sitting around and bitching about things and actually doingn somethign about it but i really need to vent. so just excuse all this mopey crap, i'll be ok in the end.




sometimes i feel like the only time i post a new topic is when i've had a bad day. well it's another one of those bad days.

lots of factors and i know tomorrow i'll feel fine. hell maybe even in an hour. if it deals with my exboyfriend it'll be that way. i'll feel fine.

works like clockwork, bad things happen but you just get up and keep going. nothing stops or changes. ceaseless change. i find myself wondering what there is to rely on. i mean... really. friends come and go. partners. parents die. or maybe it's something i'm doing?

and i live on a campus with 20,000 students. why is it so damn hard to find someone? someone who's not a clone or judgemental, someone with a brain and fucking understanding. i just need to vent but dammit we pass by people every fucking day, every fucking second and don't pay any mind to it. i try to make small talk with people in class and i think i'm a pretty ok person. i TRY and i feel like i fall flat on my face.

anyway, i've had a bad day. i just need a little support. i might delete this after my hour or so. i just feel that familiar fog of depression sneaking up on me again. it doesn't wait a damn second either, never a break. like a predator in the shadows, it comes as soon as you hit the ground coming to snatch you up...

 

[paul]

I know how discouraging it is when you've tried so hard and put in time and effort to get rid of this social anxiety, and then it seems like every bit of progress you've made results in nothing, or at least seems to result in nothing.

Hearing that you've been getting better, like making small talk with people, probably just makes that even harder. I know how it seems like there's really nobody out there who can understand, well, really, anything, but as much as it doesn't seem like it, there really is. Sure they are hard to find - but they are out there!

About your clockwork thing -- yes, bad things DO happen and we just keep going. But -- things can last a really long time. You can have friends that last as long as you live. Same thing goes with partners. Of course things die, but death is a given -- there is no way to change it, for better or worse.

I hope you feel better soon Lizzy. We all have those bad days, and it can be so discouraging sometimes. But you really have made progress - making small talk with people is a huge leap for somebody with SA. Just if knowing that you're a good person could make you feel better! ah some thing in life are just so strange.

 

[Chilling__Echo]

haha thanks Mcshy, i feel i've come a long way and i know i say that alot but i've hit rock bottom before and i feel like now that i've got my shit together, it's the least i can do to try and help out others and maybe seeing someone that HAS *beat* this (my post jsut shows there's no complete cure but you know) that it's possible... just those bad days in there... but gotta keep going :|

thanks paul and thoughtless, all of ya's are wonderful wonderful wonderful and know what to say when i'm down i do try to stay out of the mopeing/pessimistic attitude because there's no use in doing that but you know how it is...

just one of those days...

and i do feel better after venting haha