CHILDREN ??!!

[symbiosis]

Okay, here’s a tricky one….how does everyone feel about children??

From what I’ve seen at my SP support group, we seem much less likely to have them. Apart from the difficulties in meeting an appropriate partner, I wonder if SP makes up ‘reluctant’ to reproduce. One of my fears would be passing SP on to a child…..just couldn’t bear to think of doing that….especially the way the world is today…less tolerance for anyone with 'issues'.

I have a number of other reasons why I probably won’t have any. It makes me a bit sad sometimes, but I think that having kids is such a BIG responsibility that I would need to be really sure.

I’m sure my SP is also a big part of this. I’m frightened of other people’s kids, let alone having my own 24/7! Even though I can talk quite well to adults now, I freeze up around mini people…

Anyway, how does everyone feel about children? Do you plan to have/not have any? Does SP make you reluctant or fearful of the consequences if you do? I reckon this is a huge issue…

Cheers, Symbiosis

 

[Ostrich]

Hi there..

I have 2 children. On my bad days, I feel they're missing out, but for the most part, having them has made me face more than I ever had to before they came along. You will never know love till you have your OWN child.. cliche, but very very true. That love will make you climb the highest mountain just to see them smile! I have to credit them for saving me from a life time of solitude.. because most days I fear leaving my home, but I do it for them, so they DON'T miss out and so they will NEVER be like me and at the same time, they are bringing me out of my shell. I will never be cured of this, but they give me strength... half the time, I face the world with them and wonder why I was so afraid to begin with.. but of course, the very next day I'm afraid all over again.. but you face life for them! Keeping them from feeling the way I do is what drives me to live life, even if it's a mask. My children are very outgoing, happy, loving human beings and I have every confidence they will be the same as grown men and I'm so proud of them and ME for that

If you find someone you are willing to share your life with, I hope you can see past your fear of children, because they just may help you in a way you could only imagine. Obviously I don't know you personally to say that this is how it would be for you, just sharing my experience because for me, ignoring my fear of having children was the best thing I could have ever done

 

[disneychick]

i LUV children and hope 2 have some of my own someday. there unconditional, affectionate, and fun 2b around....there good medicine 4 SA!!!

 

[Tris]

I dont have any kids of my own yet, and that is something that i want someday, I do have 3 neices, and i love them with all my heart, they are my babies, and i will do anything for them, Both me and my sister have SP, so we tend to stick together, We bring them to soccer pratice and dance class even if we dread it, but we have to make sure they are social and happy, sometimes I get that pit in my stomach but you gotta do what you gotta do, at the end they have a smile on their face and that makes me feel good. I feel if my sister didnt have kids we would be stuck in the house or just driving around with no where to go. Another plus about kids is they could always make you laugh when your feeling down

 

[sky]

I love being around kids, but I wouldn't want to have any of my own. They'd probably end up fucked up like me.

symbiosis- Do you think maybe the reason you freeze around kids is because you had a harder time as a kid? I mostly freeze up around adults, kids are a lot easier to talk to, they're just kids to me. Maybe because things just kept getting worse for me as I got older.

 

[jenny]

I have 3 children and I abousolutley adore them. I cant imagine my life without them. I hadmy kids because I actually thought this would help me force me into the world . things like parent teacher conferences, buirthday partys school functions and I kept on feeling like if i had kids I could relate to other people have something worthwhile to talk about. maybe I wouldnt be so scared but Im still social phobic but I force myself out of the house and to different functions because they deserve to be normal even if inside I'm struggling I put on my game face and just go.

 

[mystery]

I don't know about u guys, but I think that if I were to have children I would prepare myself really well first for it..you know, I would read lots and lots of child psychology stuff and try my best into being a fun loving father.

 

[Anonymous]

?

I am relatively well treated for social phobia, but still question having kids. (I'm married thanks to treatment.) Even though I teach, I'm not sure about children of my own. My main concern is personal--I am medicated and would be looking at a minimum of 2 years off. Second, SA and OCD run in my family and I'm not sure if I could consider the possibility of them facing the same issues. It's bad enough as an adult, can I responsibly make this life decision?

 

[Anonymous]

)just gotta put in my experience....im ocd, and some form of sa (i'm ok with strangers, but cant comfortably be around people i know, and have NO ability to work as of late, due to crazy emotions) So, what i wanted to say is that i never knew i had ocd, or sa until just the past year and WOW, if i had known sooner, i sure would have a better handle on it i think. So, again, what im trying tosay is, i was the "painfully shy" child/teen/adult, but was lucky to find my soul mate early in life (still together after 30some odd years) My best time in life was raising my kids. You are so absorbed in them, that you forget yourself, and love the life your sharing with them. They brought me out of my shell, for the same reasons as someone else here said (sorry cant remember name :? ) It's wonderful. And my kids are very outgoing, strong individuals. (although, beings the ocd runs in our family too, AND now i know about it, i do see some trates that we're catching, and trying to curb in their YOUNG adulthood.) They are both married, with loving familys of their own. So, it can be done. We are still each others BEST friends, and share much time together. ANyway, dont short change yourself if your motherly, or fatherly, cause the little wee ones play a number on us, and unless your an abusive person of course, they're really a joy. (i went all through school with them too,,,as a special ed aide...lol go figure) NOW, is my spazen time. I figure i've done my job and am back to scardiecat self.....sucks! sorry so long.....hope i made ANY sense..

 

[Anonymous]

afterthought

one more thing from ocd2:wink: ....I think it would be important to keep an eye on your little ones for signs of these phobs. though if you know it's in the family. My daughter was into plays, and sports and super active for most of her years, and started pulling out of stuff towards the end of highschool. Had i known about these phobs, i would have recognized signs and possible avoided some of her "little" quirks she is dealing with now. Not bad qurks, actually humurious because we understand them, but still it seems that if yu can catch it early, youl'd be better off????????? (any one know?) It seems that since i worked with students sooo closly, that were often very withdrawn at first, that i would have had a clue about myself. I just thought i had a special touch with them, and little did i know, it was this underlying shyness i had in common, that made the "connection" . And, though neither of my kids were in special ed themselvs, we sharred the same school, and they came to visit me and my school kids to help all the time. Ohh, what great years.....

 

[lonelycody]

I have always wanted to have kids. Think it will do me really good to gave someone to look after and distract me from my sp. Might even help me to become more responsible for my own actions. The only problem is that I have got problems allowing myself to get close to males so I have to overcome that hurdle first.

 

[LilMissTragic]

I like children, I just dont want any of my own, not because of my socialphobia, its just that I'm not a maternal woman. Besides, I prefer animals hehehehe!.

 

[happywannabe]

hi
i love kids and i hope one day i have one of my own
to me life with any kids is inberable to think about it makes me feel worse that i will never have one.
yes am scared i mite make my own like my self it scare me more that my children will miss out on things am sp will rub off them it sound stupid but i think it has rubbed off on my dog she does not like people she so timid and i had her since she was 8 weeks old :lol: maybe not it could just b hear nature but i have plenty of necies and nephew and i seem to do thinks more from them than i do for my self . am just out of a 12 years relilationship and we did try for kids but with no luck due to myself i cant conceive i try on ivf but it failed and i got that on the nhs which now i have to pay £3000 to try again now i have no parnter no money and no kids but i do have sp and am nope give up on have one it just tears me apart

 

[jim]

I love being around kids, but I wouldn't want to have any of my own. They'd probably end up fucked up like me.

Same here.. part of the reason I think that I'll pass it on to kids is because now that I think of it, my parents kinda suffered from SA.. all I remember from my childhood is being bossed around by parents, maybe that's what made them comfortable with themselves.. I dunno

 

[Anonymous]

Look here

Dear person,

It is perfectly understandable that you don't want to pass your............................................(disorder?)..............to your progeny. It's enough to cause a magnificent clash of ideals and morals in anyone. Here's my word on the subject: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO PASS SHIT, IDIOT! You have a set of symptoms which, individually, can be attributed to anyone! You self-diagnosed moron. Stop it! STop IT! STOP IT! Had you AIDS, THEN, and only THEN, would I expect such a post from you. Had you some PROVEN disease which is GENETICALLY passed, then I would expect it. Otherwise, you're just an idiot who needs to stop it. Quit it, fuck wit. You're being so stupid, and you probably lacked someone in your life to tell you, "you're being really stupid; justifying your shortcomings with a 'disorder'". Well, I'm trying to be that authoritative figure now.

FUCKING STOP IT! HAVE KIDS AND SHIT!

Truly yours,

TwoWords

 

[royzone]

I like children, I just dont want any of my own, not because of my socialphobia, its just that I'm not a maternal woman. Besides, I prefer animals hehehehe!.

Maybe you should just fuck your brains out now and then and you might want them to have as much fun as you did....