Yarrow
Well-known member
One of the issues I grew up with, in addition to anxiety, was learned helplessness. The past few years I've slowly been breaking the barriers down and learning to navigate the adult world developing adult skills. I'm 24.
For a long time what held me back was just shame. Shame of how strange and helpless I was, and if I never came into the light then nobody had to see. I've overcome that, at least in private.
The past month I've been in a relationship that's fantastic. We both have anxiety and are longtime friends. While his anxiety was, at one point, severe enough to leave him practically non-functioning, he's overcome much of it and I feel like I'm the one lagging behind. He's financially savvy and can navigate the adult social world without too much difficulty and now struggles in personal relationships (friendships, family, relationships). I'm still trying to wrap my head around a lot of financial know-how and am only just learning to calm down and focus on social situations this past year.
I feel ashamed next to him, though we're in many ways similar and support each other. We both want the same things. There's no pressure for him to hurry up and learn the romantic or sexual ropes in his first relationship. There's no pressure for me to hurry up and learn to navigate out of my adolescent issues and learn the ropes of the adult world. However, a relationship a long time ago ended because he wanted someone who could move in with him and discuss marriage, and I was too terrified of how to become employed and what I was going to be doing with myself to take that leap.
I think subconsciously I'm afraid those same requests are going to be pushed on me - and pushed, and pushed, and pushed- and that I won't be able to fulfill them. I'm afraid that he deserves someone who can do that now or soon, when the world is full of independent, socially and financially savvy women who could give that to him in short order. Why wait on me?
I don't think I'm a child on the inside, just in my life skills. I have good work ethic. I have an identity. I have long-term goals. He respects me for my creative skill and my firm morals. But is that enough?
What if it takes five years? Ten years? What if it's never and I fail entirely?
For a long time what held me back was just shame. Shame of how strange and helpless I was, and if I never came into the light then nobody had to see. I've overcome that, at least in private.
The past month I've been in a relationship that's fantastic. We both have anxiety and are longtime friends. While his anxiety was, at one point, severe enough to leave him practically non-functioning, he's overcome much of it and I feel like I'm the one lagging behind. He's financially savvy and can navigate the adult social world without too much difficulty and now struggles in personal relationships (friendships, family, relationships). I'm still trying to wrap my head around a lot of financial know-how and am only just learning to calm down and focus on social situations this past year.
I feel ashamed next to him, though we're in many ways similar and support each other. We both want the same things. There's no pressure for him to hurry up and learn the romantic or sexual ropes in his first relationship. There's no pressure for me to hurry up and learn to navigate out of my adolescent issues and learn the ropes of the adult world. However, a relationship a long time ago ended because he wanted someone who could move in with him and discuss marriage, and I was too terrified of how to become employed and what I was going to be doing with myself to take that leap.
I think subconsciously I'm afraid those same requests are going to be pushed on me - and pushed, and pushed, and pushed- and that I won't be able to fulfill them. I'm afraid that he deserves someone who can do that now or soon, when the world is full of independent, socially and financially savvy women who could give that to him in short order. Why wait on me?
I don't think I'm a child on the inside, just in my life skills. I have good work ethic. I have an identity. I have long-term goals. He respects me for my creative skill and my firm morals. But is that enough?
What if it takes five years? Ten years? What if it's never and I fail entirely?
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