contamination question

[roo007]

Hi. I'm new here but not to OCD. I have pretty severe fears of contaminating my possessions, apartment, car, etc., among other manifestations of OCD.

One of the main things I struggle with is how difficult I find it to perceive that I am actually washing my hands or cleaning something. For example, I'll wash my hands and be looking down at the soap in my hands but not really be able to say definitively that the soap is there. It sounds ridiculous when I write it but in the moment it's a different thing.

I also have trouble when thinking about a contaminant, not just actually coming into contact with it. For example, if I touch my ear I have to wash my hands but if I even think about touching my ear I'll usually have to wash my hands too. Part of it goes back to the perception thing I think--what if I did actually touch my ear while I was thinking about it?

Does anyone have similar experiences?

 

[krfoss]

Thats common. People with contamination obsessions can convince themselves that they have touched, done, or contracted anything just by seeing or thinking about an object of contamination.

As for the not believing the soap is not there, we could get into a very deep philosophical discussion of whether anything is real or not, but the bigger concern is that you are rewarding your contamination obsession by washing your hands compulsively. Try extending the time between the times you wash your hands (feel the moment urge, then delay the compulsion by 5, then 10, then 15 min, until you can go for an extended period of time). Also, what if you held the soap without washing your hands for an extended period of time?

 

[bobbby]

 

[roo007]

Actually, this (the fact that one pencil is out of order and the pencils are different lengths, etc.) doesn't bother me very much. What would bother me is if there were "particles" (dust, crumbs, ashes, any other kind of debris) on or under the things. Whenever I put things down or away I obsessively check that the surface I'm putting them on is clean and I blow on or wipe the objects to make sure they're clean too.

I do like "order" too but it's not necessarily the stereotypical thing of having things lined up or symmetrical--it's my own kind of order, what seems logical to me.

May I ask what prompted you to post the picture? My first post was about contamination, not order. Is it a kind of initiation therapy for new posters to present them with a pic like that? If so, it might not always be taken very well and should perhaps be reconsidered. I mean, I don't mind (gives me an opportunity to explain my compulsions a bit more), but some people might...