Crying

[Alicat]

When I was a little girl I was not only shy, but I used to get upset really easy over anything. I really regret looking back on my elementary school years, and wondering what it would've been like if I didn't cry as much as I did in school.

I remember no one really wanted to be my friend, because I guess I was just different. It was just every little thing would make make me burst out into tears. It was mostly over school grades, because even at that age I put a lot of pressure on myself. Or if I did something wrong, I'd feel ashamed.

Nobody really understood why I couldn't just control my emotions, like I was doing it on purpose or something, but it really hurt that I had to be that way. The teachers would be concerned at the beginning of the year, but then just ignore it after a while, because there was nothing they could do. My mom was frustrated why I just couldn't stop behaving that way, but like everyone else she didn't understand that I just couldn't turn my emotions off like a light-switch.


Even when I got into middle school, it didn't happen everyday. I just remember one day I got a C on a report, and I was overtaken with grief, I had to go home. And every now and then when something would happen I'd go into the bathroom and cry and then come out and try to hide my face so no one would know, but everyone was already used to it. I was at the same private school for 8 years [1st - 8th].

Now that I'm a Sophomore in HS, it still happens to me today. Not as often, of course. It doesn't happen to enough to where everyone has a knowledge that I do it. Even some of my closest friends don't know. But a couple of weeks ago the conselor saw me crying in a bathroom stall over my D average in Chemistry, and took me to the nurse. I completely skipped my lunch and hid in the bathroom, because I didn't want anyone to see that I had been crying. When I saw that D, an emotion came over me and all these thoughts of failure just came into my mind.

I never really thought about why I have a tendency to get so upset, but I've always considered myself a "perfectionist" or just "overly-sensitive". Could it be something else?

I know this is a SAD forum, but maybe this is a symptom of SAD..?

Help me out,
thnx

Ali
<3

 

[young]

I had an ex girlfriend that was the same way. She was an emotional person. Crying and feeling things is a sign that you're alive. You're able to express yourself in the best way you can. I'm sure some people will say that you are weak. Or that you shouldn't cry. Or that you don't need to cry over something so trivial. I'm sure if you had it your way you wouldn't cry.

 

[Scrabbl]

young:ditto.



Alicat:




Chemistry is boring =) and thinking about failure is something I do quite often. ..but I don't worry about grades any more. I used to believe that grades were the sole measure of one's competence. But no it's not everything. It's just a way of checking of how much you learned about the stuff in the text book. And no matter how much you worry over it it's not going to get better or worse.
But I am still a perfectionist. It's not only a tiring job to be 1, but also easy to get disappointed 'cause I set unreachable high goals for myself.
Maybe you can change you views by believing that having imprefections is also a part of being perfect? ..to accept your mistakes? Idk lol It worked for me.
Btw this is my second year in highschool too.

 

[young]

why would you want to be perfect? you would have nothing to strive for. everything imo would be very mundane and boring. Nothing exciting would happen.

as for crying, it could be worse. You could show no emotions whatsoever. I'm in that boat. No matter how hard i try i show nothing. I think it's exactly what shy said. Trying to toughen myself up from sa, that i think i did such a good job that i made myself a robot. And show no emotion whatsoever. But crying is a good thing. Since it means you're thinking about it. And not letting it sit inside you building up till you explode, like a lemming.

 

[redlady]

My problem is that i don't cry enough - i am so diconnected from my emotions that i could not even recognise that i was being ruled by them. Despite the fact that i suffer from a phobia, i can rationalise anything and everything - i'm all brains and logic basically. But it is what is underneath that is dictating my behaviour - my feelings / emotions - the very things that i have been unable to access and even recognise for most of my life. I am working on it though and i actually cried in therapy the other week, which was a bit of a breakthrough. And i think actually relieved my therapist.
You may feel embarassed about being too emotional but at least you have the ability to be in touch with your emotions, which is important - and letting it out is better than keeping it all in.
I also agree with McShy - it is brave to wear your heart on your sleeve - it is not strength that keeps other people from exposing their emotions, on the contrary - i for one find the prospect terrifying. But like i said i'm working on that, slowly, slowly.

 

[Lost_Nomad]

sound like its more than just emotional but actualy instinctive, maybe as a baby you got used to crying for what ever reason at the time and now you just do it because thats the instinct when you get something like a low mark in school. as far as school goes i can understand , hell when your marks are what supposedly make your future ,that can be super stressful. at least your not harming your self . I would probably develop some non crying instincts like if you get a D mark agian you would make the conscience effort to look logicaly at what happened rather than going back to the crying instinct. i feel like crying many times , but i hide everything. i will probably end as McShy crying many years out in one spectacular cryathon i can feel it coming any time now we're only human.

 

[young]

see though for women it's allowed. In a sense. But for men they get looked down upon. For crying. I don't cry. I wish i did sometimes. Though if i start i'll probably be like every other guy in here and just cry out the next great flood. I get teary eyed. A lot of times when I'm watching movies. I feel embarrased to be close to crying. Especially if it's what someone else your watching it with doesn't think it's sad.