Damn this anxiety, to hell.

[allanboy]

hey all. Just introduced myself there to the introductory thread. How you all doing?

Here, i´ve been chatting with this girl for like almost 2 weeks. A cousin of a cousin of my friend, not hot, but nice(i aint got any choices after all), looks kinda shy, good talking to her, have some identification. Hum, since wednesday i´ve been complimenting her, and cheers, told her how i like to meet her at school intervals(only time i see her, really). I´ve been picturing myself with her kind of often, i´d really like to give her a treat(first girlfriend ever heh). Get all the text and things to do in my mind, but when i get by her to talk, i only chat. Doesnt come close or anything, just chat.

Today i thought that was enough, i was taking to godamn long, went to my cousin´s house to meet her. Bought some gum on the way, helps a lot. Got there, she answered, asked about some magazines my friend was to give me and chatted real quick. Said cya and went away. Shhiit, nothing happened. Walked around the block, like readying myself to a fight. Made my mind and knocked again, this time kisses are positive.

Got there, we sat in a couch, I said something like(cant even remember it) your face is so pretty, i really liked going there to see her and another thing. She thanked or said something and i just sat there, freakin immobilized, to near her, touch her, remotivily getting my lips to hers. My embarassment was clear i think. Stood up, "cya later", walked home. Fucking ashamed. What was all that fear, lack of movement, rookieness. Everybody goes right at it. I just cant rationalize getting by a girl and kissing her like that. It pictures nice in my mind, but unreal in life. How am i going to live like that. Godamnit, went for some jogging(luckly it rained) and am typing this.
Phew, some relief, had to tell this to someone. Sorry for probable bad writing, the ideas arent very organized right now. Thanks all

Edit: forgot to say, whenever i remember me talking to her, that last bit, i get some extreme shame, my face twitches like if i saw something really gross.

 

[redlady]

Hi allanboy - so what is your biggest fear here? That she may doubt your feelings towards her because you havn't kissed her yet or just the fact that you can't seem to bring yourself to and that you should cause everyone else around you does? That's not a judgement by the way. Well i think your compliments to her should explain well enough and convey your interest in her. Do you think you could bring yourself to tell her outright that you like her? Maybe that will help - because then there will be no doubt on either part about the situation. Don't be too fussed about not being able to kiss her yet - all that stuff is too rushed these days. I am so old aren't i - well i sound it anyway. I am going to continue to sound like an old timer and say that there is nothing wrong with getting to know someone first and perhaps your reluctance is to do with that as well - because you don't really know her that well and you are not that comfortable with the thought of being physical yet because of that. If that's the case then you sound like a decent young fellow to me my lad.

 

[allanboy]

I just freeze in front of her, godamnit, it´s like i´m about to do the most inmoral thing in the world. I can still talk, even get kinda loose with her, but thats about. Oh, and my chatting aint the best. Not once that i just stood there with nothing to say, and that cute face looking at me, and i feeling embarassed.
well, thanks for the reply anyway.

 

[redlady]

So what do you guys actually have going here? Are you boyfriend and girlfriend - is it official so to speak - if not perhaps that has something to do with it as well - i know i know how many perhaps's does this woman have. But it could be - i don't know all i can say is the usual stuff - like the more time you spend with her the more you will get used to her and your chatting will become more relaxed and easy. :wink:

 

[allanboy]

No, not official. I´ve said that i like seeing her, and according to my friend, she thinks the same(but i dont trust him fully, damn paranoia). I could have kissed her 10 times by now(i guess) if it werent for this social thing. I feel ashamed for still being talking to her instead of dating her. Thats a weak sign around here. damnit

 

[redlady]

I know this would not be an easy thing for you but have you thought about just 'biting the bullet' and asking her to be your girlfriend? I know how can she think about asking me to do such a thing. Despite how you feel about your cousin - or how your paranoia makes you feel about your cousin - judging from your own observation and interaction with her how do you think she feels about you? Does that judgement make you feel confident enough to ask her that question? Just try and think without all that other negative shit - what do YOU - not your paranoia - think she will say? And then just let go and ask her.

 

[allanboy]

Er, i think she likes me, really. But i cant get out of my head, that i somehow let her down yesterday. About the asking part, i can perfectly practice the asking and touching and all, but when i get to her, everything just goes to hell and i cant do that. Is that lack of confidence or something?

 

[redlady]

Yes it is and it's a real bitch isn't it - this sp has some shitty symptoms. Are you scared of rejection? I know i would be. I know what you mean about not being able to make real what's in your head despite being reasonably sure of something - i have a hard time myself with that. You don't have to do this it's just a suggestion - but write down what you want to say to her and rehearse it and take it with you when you get ready to meet her next and go over it again just before you see her - see what that does for you - i know it sounds daggy but give it a try and see if it works.

 

[allanboy]

May give that a try, thanks a lot redlady. Are you a shrimp by the way?
Fear i got is, sheesh, it may be the shame of her rejection. It may be lack of practice. I´m thinking of getting some booze before heading to her house, hows that?

 

[redlady]

Hi allanboy - okay if you do give it a try tell me how it went. Shrimp? what's that like a shrink - if so then no i would be no good to anyone i would sit there and cry along with them. Booze - if you think that will ease your nerves then sure - careful not to overdo it though. Okay man i wish you the best of luck with this and i am sure she will be delighted that you asked her to be your girlfriend. :wink:

 

[allanboy]

yes yes, shrink so sorry. No offense taken? Maybe i´m going for the booze then trying with her tomorrow(or today, its midnight already)
thanks alot for all the help.

 

[redlady]

No no no - no offence taken at all. Again good luck to you and it was my pleasure - i hope it actually helps you.

 

[allanboy]

I´m having some difficulty in finding what to say to her, and i´m worried about when i´m actually going to say it. Do you have suggestions to relax before the talk? Like chewing some gum, running around releasing some adrenaline, eating some kind of food. I´m dropping the idea of alcohol.
And should i say to her? godamnit.

edit: oh, and i so want to take her out to somewhere, but really have no ideas, and i fear i may have nothing to say, for a long period of time.

 

[allanboy]

Please someone answer this!!

 

[redlady]

What to say? Tell her that you like her - just straight out ' i like you' - that's harmless enough, and i'm sure she gets the hint by now. Mention to her the amount of time that you have been spending with her - what is it a couple of weeks, and tell her how much you have enjoyed those weeks with her - okay now be more specific with what you like about her ie - you mentioned that she is cute, tell her - i can guarantee she will love that you did - what else do you like about her - write a list, is she nice, is she smart etc. Okay just think about the reasons you want this cutie to be your girlfriend and write them down. Okay so this is all leading up to THE QUESTION - now we have to be gentle here - so ask her how she would feel if you asked her to be your girlfriend - wait for response which i am sure will be in the affirmative - then just say well do you want to.

Okay so i will write a bit for you incorporating all that i wrote above to give you the idea.
So 'cutie'-insert real name - you know that i like you, and the last couple of weeks we have spent together have been great. I like being with you and spending my time with you, i'm glad that i met you. Your'e the cutest girl i have ever met and i think your nice and smart and sweet. What would you say if i asked you to be my girlfriend...... Okay you get the idea - if you feel that is a bit too cheesy then don't use that but i just wanted to give you some ideas. I know i tend to be a bit sugary sweet.

Okay ideas to calm yourself - yeah run around - when i have that build up of adrenalin i walk around really fast myself to try and get some of it out of me. Breath really deeply from the diaphram - not just shollowly fom the chest. If you think it will help then sure have a drink - what do they call that ' Dutch courage'.

Alright since you are still kind of nervous with her, take her to a movie - then there wont be any pressure on you to 'perform' so to speak - and you will still be with her and after you will have something to talk about - the movie that you just saw.

Okay look if this doesn't help or if you are still stuck let me know and i'll see what else i can come up with.

 

[redlady]

McShy Wrote:

P.S. Redlady AKA 'Big Red' IS a shrimp, I've studied crustaceans for years and I have some very inappropriate pictures of her moulting her exoskeleton. Big Red.. Send cash or I will post them.

Post them - it's about time i release my inner exhibitionist.

 

[allanboy]

I knew redlady wouldnt let me down! Was waiting for an answer for 2 days, it was driving me crazy, thanks alot!

Hey mcshy, not once that i thought the reversed thing. Being optimistic, she looks alot like me. Maybe she IS waiting for me to go for it.

 

[redlady]

Sorry for the delay allanboy - so have you put my sugary words into practice - if so how did it go. I'm crossing my fingers for you. You know i bet McShy is right and she is just praying that you go for it.