Dating with Palmar Hyperhidrosis

[becomingmyself]

Hey guys... I have always wondered what everyones experience has been with trying to date with Hyperhidrosis. I'm thinking more towards Palmar Hyperhidrosis, but if you find it difficult to date with other kinds, please respond as well. How do you do it? If you've been honest with someone about your problem, how did you face it? Any awkward moments where someone noticed the sweat?

My experience with it has been interesting. I grew up without Hyperhidrosis, and never really had any guys interested in me. I was always jealous of all the other girls because I just wasn't as pretty or social. But then at sixteen when I developed HH, I have been shocked at how many guys have asked me out since then. I've gotten asked out more and more the worse my HH has gotten. Are guys attracted to girls that just don't care? It's either that or I evolved. Hyperhidrosis did help me to decide who I am. I dress the way I want to and I keep a strong image of confidence. The confidence was my way of keeping people away, thinking it would intimidate people. I've been told I intimidate the crap out of people, which feels better to me than sitting in the corner being vulnerable. But in all that, I tend to hate when people invade my space and decide to talk to me anyways. That's when it backfires.

Every time I get asked out, I get this awful feeling... like "Oh no, I have to go through this all over again." It's rare that I'm interested in a guy, but when I am its usually one that I know I can keep far away from me. But then if I ever talk to them, they end up having feelings for me and then I tell them I'm not interested, because I'm too scared to tell them about my problem.

Dating itself hasn't really been the problem, as long as it consists of many first dates where no physical contact is involved, or "friend dates" where the guy is totally interested but knows I'm not interested back. And stays around anyways just in case something changes. Anyways, you get the idea that guys don't stick around that long for me. And if I like them, well I'll admit it's heartbreaking because I usually end up pretending I never had and never will have feelings for them. I guess I'm just waiting for some guy to say "Hey, I want to be with you, please tell me everything about what's going on with you and I'll accept you for it." and then stay around to listen. That'll be the day.

Anyways, thoughts? Feelings? Anyone not had their first kiss because of it? (Yup... that's me, 21 and never been kissed). Anyone find a person who is incredibly accepting of you?

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Falling in love is all about making yourself vulnerable. Most of the guys will not care! Just be honest, tell them. That may reciprocate back and open up themselves.

Walls are for divided countries. Get rid of it. You'll be truer to yourself and free.

 

[THeCARS1979]

Hey guys... I have always wondered what everyones experience has been with trying to date with Hyperhidrosis. I'm thinking more towards Palmar Hyperhidrosis, but if you find it difficult to date with other kinds, please respond as well. How do you do it? If you've been honest with someone about your problem, how did you face it? Any awkward moments where someone noticed the sweat?

My experience with it has been interesting. I grew up without Hyperhidrosis, and never really had any guys interested in me. I was always jealous of all the other girls because I just wasn't as pretty or social. But then at sixteen when I developed HH, I have been shocked at how many guys have asked me out since then. I've gotten asked out more and more the worse my HH has gotten. Are guys attracted to girls that just don't care? It's either that or I evolved. Hyperhidrosis did help me to decide who I am. I dress the way I want to and I keep a strong image of confidence. The confidence was my way of keeping people away, thinking it would intimidate people. I've been told I intimidate the crap out of people, which feels better to me than sitting in the corner being vulnerable. But in all that, I tend to hate when people invade my space and decide to talk to me anyways. That's when it backfires.

Every time I get asked out, I get this awful feeling... like "Oh no, I have to go through this all over again." It's rare that I'm interested in a guy, but when I am its usually one that I know I can keep far away from me. But then if I ever talk to them, they end up having feelings for me and then I tell them I'm not interested, because I'm too scared to tell them about my problem.

Dating itself hasn't really been the problem, as long as it consists of many first dates where no physical contact is involved, or "friend dates" where the guy is totally interested but knows I'm not interested back. And stays around anyways just in case something changes. Anyways, you get the idea that guys don't stick around that long for me. And if I like them, well I'll admit it's heartbreaking because I usually end up pretending I never had and never will have feelings for them. I guess I'm just waiting for some guy to say "Hey, I want to be with you, please tell me everything about what's going on with you and I'll accept you for it." and then stay around to listen. That'll be the day.

Anyways, thoughts? Feelings? Anyone not had their first kiss because of it? (Yup... that's me, 21 and never been kissed). Anyone find a person who is incredibly accepting of you?

I had this problem and palpitations, and all i know how you feel. I went for Neaurofeedback electrodes to delete the effects of it. I heard the less you think about it , it may go away. And no i wouldnt think anything of you having it. Im getting older now and I always had finding women problems, due to lack of interest getting out of them I guess i felt. I feel like i had to try harder. Im not sure what to do anymore right now. email me back , Id like to get to know you.

 

[xeno]

I don't have Palmar Hyperhidrosis but what I read about it seems like there isn't much you can do about it other than try to meditate to try to control it and for dating your best bet is to be upfront with the guy so he knows what to expect that way if he runs away then he won't be a waste of your time but if he stays then he should be worth exploring the relationship further. Don't chase them let them come to you. I hope this helps....Xeno

 

[becomingmyself]

Falling in love is all about making yourself vulnerable. Most of the guys will not care! Just be honest, tell them. That may reciprocate back and open up themselves.

Walls are for divided countries. Get rid of it. You'll be truer to yourself and free.

I appreciate that more than you know. Definitely something I needed to hear. I guess the problem is less that guys will care and more that I will. I wish I knew better how to be honest! Scares me to death. But I'm going to keep working on it.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I appreciate that more than you know. Definitely something I needed to hear. I guess the problem is less that guys will care and more that I will. I wish I knew better how to be honest! Scares me to death. But I'm going to keep working on it.

Having an honest relationship is the only way. You also want them to be honest. Once you start hiding things due to fear or otherwise, everything goes down hill.

Falling in love is scary. When you fall, you don't have control. And, that's how falling in love is. It's what makes it so exciting and amazing. You deserve to experience it!

 

[Wetpalmed]

I'm not sure to what extent it bothered girls that I was with in a relationship (only been in a few) but usually I had to get to know them well before touching was involved and it has been embarrassing. I've had the chance to be with multiple girls but my sweating has stopped me and people view me as socially withdrawn which is definitely true.

I think the best thing that i've done is just admit that I have a disease that can't be helped very well and that it makes me nervous. But of course I'm not really quite sure, it hasn't exactly been easy since most people don't understand and make me feel kind of shameful every time touching is involved.

I'm just hoping to one day find another girl with HH or find someone that really appreciates me for who I am, which I think will make the relationship just that much stronger.

 

[Sprawling]

I've suffered HH my entire life. I'm now in my 50's, been married, had a child, divorced, been in relationships. Having palmer HH has never been easy. Saturday I went on a date and openly told the women about my HH and how I do electrocution therapy that we call ionto. It took me a long time to get to this place where I can openly talk about it.

The women, well, she has been battling cancer for 5 years. This time around she has decided against any more chemo. I wasn't complaining to her how I have to do these treatments to keep my hands dry and she wasn't complaining about her cancer. The pizza lunch lasted several hours. My hands were moist throughout. I showed them to her, touched her with them and she said they weren't that bad. Her cancer was through out her insides. I couldn't touch it. Despite all she was very much alive. She leaked inside, I leaked outside. It's the start of a flowing friendship.

The more you talk about with others, the easier it gets. People are pretty understanding.

Ironically several days prior I gave a lecture on death and dying. She sat in the front row. I met her about several weeks before my lecture. Maybe my sweat can put out her cancer fire? Yes, HH still messes with my head, but not nearly as it used too.

My advice is to be open about it with others. My friends and family are super supportive.
Maybe you'll find that the people in your life or passing through your life will be supportive also.

 

[86theHH]

It isn't easy to talk to someone and open up to them. It's even more difficult to talk to someone about a condition or illness that you have. I would pace yourself and find the right time when you feel you are comfortable to speak with someone about it.

It's really difficult to get the courage to be open, but even more difficult to maintain an illusion about yourself. If you want someone to be accepting of you, when you are comfortable, let it fly! If they aren't accepting, then that's their problem, not yours. You can move on and find someone who is accepting.

And don't worry about the person who wasn't.
YOU WOULDN'T WANT THEM AROUND ANYWAY!

 

[becomingmyself]

I appreciate all the responses! Thank you. I agree I need to be honest... I'm just trying to figure out when the best time to do that is. I usually decide the first date is not the right time, and then after that I feel like it's too late! AH. I really have a hard time imagining being close with someone when my palms are sweating. Even if I was honest with them...

Great to hear everyones experiences.

I'm just hoping to one day find another girl with HH or find someone that really appreciates me for who I am, which I think will make the relationship just that much stronger.

Yeah, I feel like even if I tell people I have sweaty palms, it always bites me later. I've had friends who I've been honest with, and then they act super awkward about it and they pretend like I never said anything. So I never know how they feel about it. I don't want a guy to do that to me too... So I wonder if dating someone with HH is a better option, only in the fact that they truly understand. It would most definitely make the relationship stronger like you say!

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Dating a guy with HH would be a great option as he would understand. From what I can tell on this forum, guys with HH have a lot of trouble dating too.

I think the bottom line is whoever goes out with you needs to understand and not be bothered by it. If they're bothered by your HH, who knows what they'll be bothered by later on? Be you. If you don't feel like you can be yourself around the person then they're probably not right for you. Accept yourself and make sure the other does too without qualification.

 

[CharlesN]

I'm in my mid 40s and I can tell you this. In my life (of which I've had HH since a pre-teen) I have never once heard of a guy complain or mention HH in a girl as a reason not to date or be with her. And trust me - when groups of guys get together and decide to complain about stuff that bothers us - a LOT of weird stuff comes out and it's no holds barred and EVERYTHING is open season. And girls are a topic of conversation the majority of the time so there has been countless hours of these bullshit sessions over the years. And I'm super sensitive to any mention of sweating so I would have noticed. Trust me when I tell you the guy is not thinking about it. If you tell them, they will probably loosen up if anything. Nobody is perfect - we're all flawed and so it's humanizing to hear it about someone we put on a pedestal.

My advice is date and date often. Any guy superficial enough for it to bother will have FAR DEEPER issues that bother you much more later on so better to filter those ones out right away and move on to better.

I'm sad whenever I hear of you young people not living your lives because of this condition. I'm living proof that it doesn't matter and doesn't have to stop you from doing and getting what you want. It can feel crippling. Maybe it would even hurt a lot the first time someone reacts negatively to it. But in reality, I think it's way way overblown in your minds and chances are it will be a lot less of a big deal than what you fear. At least that is what life has shown me. I've had 1 person react negatively to it that I can recall. It hurt. But not nearly as much or for as long as I thought it would. In fact, it just saved me a lot of future pain is how I can look back and see it now as I have the benefit of hindsight. As a matter of fact, it didn't stop this person pursuing me after the reaction - which was not like "OMG, don't touch me" lol - it was more of going to hold my hand, then pulling away. They obviously didn't consider it enough of a big deal to stop being interested. I definitely made it a bigger deal in my head than they did. So other than that one thing, I honestly can look back and not think of a single traumatic experience from how someone else received/perceived/reacted to my HH. All of my pain was self-inflicted. My regrets now are that I didn't put myself out there even more. Lots of good people out there that don't care. My wife doesn't want me even doing the ionto I do now, as she is worried more about my health and as she has told me many times - the HH doesn't bother her at all. She'd rather have a healthy me than a dry hands me. I obviously am hoping for both healthy and dry hands though.

Anyways, there are several people here with relationship experience and life experience and looking back, the older people here will probably agree that it's not the things that you do that you look back on and regret, but rather the stuff you didn't do, but should've done.

Good luck,
Charles

 

[NickM]

I have hyperhidrosis affecting my hands, feet, armpits, butt, and sometimes my back. Several months ago a girl messaged me on Facebook. She had seen my drum videos on YouTube (I play the drums), and started talking to me about random things. This girl is from Brazil, and after getting to know her for several weeks we made plans to meet up in Chicago.

To make a long story short, I told her about my problems with HH and her brother suffers with severe HH as well. She also has it mildly on her armpits. What are the chances?!?! She is incredibly accepting and encouraging about my HH!

Now she is my girlfriend and I'm typing this message from a hotel room in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. She is moving to the US soon and once I'm finished with this semester of school, we are getting married!

I'm going to school to be a dermatologist and I want to study the physiology of hyperhidrosis to better understand the cause of it at hopes of finding a cure for it one day. I used to be depressed about it, and I am still from time to time, but the future is bright and I have an amazing and beautiful woman by my side.

My advice to you is to just be honest with whoever you date. If they're worth keeping around they won't care about your problem. If they don't like you because of your HH then they aren't worth your time anyway.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[Sprawling]

Best of luck NickM. It's always nice to hear when 2 people find love even if you are from different parts of the world.

 

[becomingmyself]

Great to hear your experiences CharlesN and NickM. It's always wonderful to hear about others and how they dealt with this in their life, and surpassed it too!

You are all right, if they are the right person, they wont be bothered by it. And I shouldn't worry about it so much.

This guy I have liked for about 2 years got my number and took me on a date a while back. I was too nervous around him, but the nervousness has completely worn off as we've become great friends. I know he still has feelings for me He did the first time we officially met two years ago. He's been texting me for a couple days recently and is going on a trip with me this spring, so if I could just be honest I know I could be dating him right now. We'll see how it goes and if he asks me out again! I'll try to do better at not being so worried about what he'll think.

 

[NickM]

Thanks Sprawling and becomingmyself! @becomingmyself I wish you the best luck! I pray that you will find the strength to make yourself be vulnerable and share with the people you care about! I'd be willing to bet that guy wouldn't mind your HH at all if you were honest with him about it! I hope you tell him about it someday


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[Rawwr]

Yes. I can relate to that 100%.
I have always tried to be as sociable as i can but when it comes to interacting with girls you always get to a point where your hands touch her and my HH makes this a nightmare. In a social environment, people generally dont understand this condition and cannot relate to it, and this makes them nervous, creates unnecessary tension. Some girls seem ok with it, but you can tell that they will not tolerate it for a long time, while others are simply disgusted by the moisture of my hands and will just reject me. Not to mention that without escalating physically you will, as a guy, never go beyond friendzone, or complete a successfull date or relationship. Its just not going to happen if you dont make that girl accustomed to your presence/touch. Maybe im still inexperienced, but that is what i feel when dating girls, i have tried alot of times despite my palmar HH and i dont intend to give up, but this just makes it ALOT more harder for me to get a girlfriend than normal guys.
And yes, also 21 and have never kissed a girl.

 

[Sprawling]

I agree 100% with CharlesN. Went o a date a couple of weeks ago and "SLIMED" her after telling her of my condition. She reacted by telling me it wasn;t so bad. Then my hands dried up. Her cancer has caused more problems than my sweaty hands.

At 21 I had a long term girlfriend, years later married, had a child etc. Life is too short to miss out on love because we have a sweaty hand or sweaty anything problem. My advice is to go out there and SLIME someone and start living.

 

[becomingmyself]

Thanks everyone, and thank you NickM. Rawwr, yeah, it sucks. Girls I think are kind of taught in our society to be disgusted at things like that... But in reality, if I were a girl without Hyperhidrosis and met a guy with it, I think I wouldn't care at ALL about the sweat as long as he was confident in himself and secure in who he is. I've done my best to find ways to develop my character and my security as a single person through my experiences with Hyperhidrosis. It helps to recognize how much I could add to the world as a single person if I gave up all my insecurities about finding someone.
A year ago I kept to myself a lot, kept my arms folded and only talked if I had to. But after a lot of alternative therapies and some great emotional release tools, I've gotten my confidence back and even though my hands sweat, I'm almost to the point of believing that palmar Hyperhidrosis is irrelevant to dating. Yeah it's got to be explained, but it's the shame that makes it difficult. Since working through my shame issues with different techniques, I have found myself putting myself out there and putting up boundaries in a healthy way instead of leaving it to my sweat to do that.
I guess I've learned a lot in just the past couple of weeks. I've gotten much closer to that young man I told you all about, and I know he likes me for sure now. But now another young man who I fell in love with 2 years ago has shown back up in my life and he is SO attractive, and made an effort to talk to me when I passed him in the hall at school. I've found myself thinking about my sweat barely at all, and thinking more about spending time with the guy. Ugh I've been on a high all day, smiling knowing my life is turning around as I've chosen to make the changes necessary to live life to the fullest I'm so grateful for all you positive people who have begun living life despite this disorder! That's the biggest thing that will help us heal anyway!

 

[CharlesN]

Good for you!