Dealing with the people who openly dislike you

[Kiwong]

As a sufferer of anxiety, I find it very hard to deal with people who have made up their mind about me, and openly dislike or distrust me. I can't blame some people because my anxiety can upset others.

How do you handle situations where you know you are likely to be called names or gosspied about? I've tried to be positive, avoid those individuals as much as possible. I try to tune into the positive people.

The names I've been called, the accusation I've heard levelled at me, become too hurtful at times. It gets so bad that I can no longer face these situations anymore.

 

[Confuseddd]

As a sufferer of anxiety, I find it very hard to deal with people who have made up their mind about me, and openly dislike or distrust me. I can't blame some people because my anxiety can upset others.

How do you handle situations where you know you are likely to be called names or gosspied about? I've tried to be positive, avoid those individuals as much as possible. I try to tune into the positive people.

The names I've been called, the accusation I've heard levelled at me, become too hurtful at times. It gets so bad that I can no longer face these situations anymore.

hey , thats something all of us SA ...sufferers?.. lol, face many many times. I Either get extremely defensive or i just cant say anything and my face turns red. After so long and all the progress i have made and after i have learned my flaws and accepted them, this becomes much easier to deal with. If they dont like you and they wanna talk then let them. They are most likely shallow and very unempathetic to your situation. If you knew all the mistakes that the ones who are ridiculing you have made, they would not be talking . You must must must start to like yourself and accept yourself for who you are. You are an amazing person, any one who has to deal with this stress will be stronger for it later in life.

 

[EscapeArtist]

I think it's very important to keep reminding yourself that people ONLY dislike others when they dislike that same quality in themselves. It's all projection of their own self hatred, and is not an accurate account of who you are.

 

[Dronee]

Sorry to hear that. My way is to simply survive. Just remind yourself you won't be around these people forever... Well.. I'm kind of pig-headed sometimes, so I sometimes face them head on and confront them. But that's not really a good thing I think.

 

[Kiwong]

Cheers confusedd, we are amazing to put up with horrible illness and keep trying aren't we?

Escape Artist, I find that this spiteful hatred directed at me makes me look at myself and dislike me. But then I look at myself, and think I'm not going to let their reflected hatred destroy my self esteem.

Dronee, I suppose I've been trying to put myself out there. I will be around these people for the forseeable future, and they are really diminishing the enjoyment of my running. I've heard so many things said about me, and I just wither away inside, and feel a cold fear go right through me. I feel as if I have no voice in these situations. Each time is a small death.

The next time I see these people is still three months away, but some nights I can't sleep thinking about what they did, over several months lasy year, and how I am going to cope with the same situation next year. My running that has been a dream come true has become a nightmare because of this issue.

This has also got so bad that I can't talk to anyone anymore.

 

[kihira]

Could what is happening be in breach of any workplace policies on bullying, harassment or discrimination?

 

[CHAKRAPOINT]

As a sufferer of anxiety, I find it very hard to deal with people who have made up their mind about me, and openly dislike or distrust me. I can't blame some people because my anxiety can upset others.

How do you handle situations where you know you are likely to be called names or gosspied about? I've tried to be positive, avoid those individuals as much as possible. I try to tune into the positive people.

The names I've been called, the accusation I've heard levelled at me, become too hurtful at times. It gets so bad that I can no longer face these situations anymore.

i know what you mean,but imagine this gossip coming from your own sister.since im the only 1 in the family that is quiet and doesnt talk much everyone else communicates to each other leaving me out and i know my sister has been giving my mom a bad impression about me even though she only comes hom every like three years for a month

 

[Kiwong]

No Phocas, the sitaution I am most concerned about is not at work. Although people at work have gossiped about me, and it has undermined my health over the years.

Yes that would be horrible Chakrapoint, comming from your own sister.

 

[Feathers]

Can you disperse it with humor? Like, joke about it?

Can you find out or guess what this could be about? Are they jealous, is this in running competitions? Can they be trying to discredit you in front of women/judges/other people who might actually like you? Are you perhaps actually better/more goodlooking/more something than they are?

things to consider.. And maybe talk about with them, if you can get them alone? (eg pull aside and try to clarify any resentments..)

Or at least it may help us to give you some answers you could try if you tell us more.. like what happens, when do you hear this, what do they say...?

 

[Kiwong]

Feathers, my anxiety gives people the impression that I am hitting on them. That is what I am most afraid of, and my anxiety makes my worst fears come true. It hurts me more than you can imagine to have people consider me shallow.

I look at peoples rings on their fingers, I look at earings, cleavage, loose bits of clothing, body hair, bare feet. I get really anxious with people wearing rings, even if someone is wearing one of TV. My anxiety is an ugly disease.

I try to be positive, I try to give back to the sports community by making my photos freely available. I even wrote on my blog explaining that I suffer from anxiety. I pour my heart out on my blog. Most people have been positive about it, but it is the minority that worries me. I can't forget what happened last year while I stood around being gossiped about and openly called names by one individual in front of everyone.

I suffered small deaths every time this happened, but what could I say?

I simply can't face talking to people anymore.

 

[Confuseddd]

Feathers, my anxiety gives people the impression that I am hitting on them. That is what I am most afraid of, and my anxiety makes my worst fears come true. It hurts me more than you can imagine to have people consider me shallow.

I look at peoples rings on their fingers, I look at earings, cleavage, loose bits of clothing, body hair, bare feet. I get really anxious with people wearing rings, even if someone is wearing one of TV. My anxiety is an ugly disease.

I try to be positive, I try to give back to running community by making my sports photos freely available. I even wrote on my blog explaining that I suffer from anxiety. I pour my heart out on my blog. Most people have been positive about it, but it is the minority that worries me. I can't forget what happened last year while I stood around being gossiped about and openly called names by one individual in front of everyone.

I suffered small deaths every time this happened, but what could I say?

i hear you... i cant forget my own friends making blatant remarks about me...right in front of me.. i didnt have the courage to say anything and my face would turn beat red. To make matters worse i would get a call from him to hang out and i would go, most times just to get made fun of again. In this case it wasnt paranoia , my own good friend was belittling me because i wasnt in his eyes "cool" any more. I learned that he was just taking advantage of my situation and had absolutely no sympathy or empathy, and no will to even attempt to make me feel comfortable with him.

 

[just wanna b normal]

that happens to me all the time gossip talking behind me back they think im fake cuzz i dont act rite they dont like me cuzz im different from them i just try to prove em wrong idk
or ignore it

 

[just wanna b normal]

i hear you... i cant forget my own friends making blatant remarks about me...right in front of me.. i didnt have the courage to say anything and my face would turn beat red. To make matters worse i would get a call from him to hang out and i would go, most times just to get made fun of again. In this case it wasnt paranoia , my own good friend was belittling me because i wasnt in his eyes "cool" any more. I learned that he was just taking advantage of my situation and had absolutely no sympathy or empathy, and no will to even attempt to make me feel comfortable with him.

damn iv been thru that too tho the problem is i guess yur not being yourself your hiding cuzz people wanna see the real you. the fist step in being yourself is stop caring what people think & say what you wanna say & do what you wanna do. checc out my other threads/post it talks about all these things

 

[Feathers]

Feathers, my anxiety gives people the impression that I am hitting on them. That is what I am most afraid of, and my anxiety makes my worst fears come true. It hurts me more than you can imagine to have people consider me shallow.

Simple. Wear a T-shirt that says, 'NO, I AM NOT HITTING ON YOU.'

or: 'NICE GUY. TAKEN.' LOL (I might even make a few for you on Zazzle?? )

Hm, is it difficult to see only people's eyes or something? If you look at rings and cleavage etc, I can see how some people can misunderstand... It must be difficult to not look at.. err, bodyparts, if you're in a race though, with all the skimpy dressing etc. hmm..

How about 'SHY GUY. NOT TRYING TO SEDUCE YOU. TOO SHY.' (Okay, that one's maybe a bit 'too much', anyone have any better ideas?)

I'm thinking part of it might also be some sort of 'OCD'? (I've heard people with 'pure-O' OCD talk about being afraid other people might think they might be hitting on them.. in that case some anti-OCD tips could be helpful too? )

 

[Ignace]

Well, I'm acting worse against people who 'hate' me. Not even trying to come up with something, reacting sarcastic, in a serious way. Such things.

 

[Kiwong]

Simple. Wear a T-shirt that says, 'NO, I AM NOT HITTING ON YOU.'

or: 'NICE GUY. TAKEN.' LOL (I might even make a few for you on Zazzle?? )

Hm, is it difficult to see only people's eyes or something? If you look at rings and cleavage etc, I can see how some people can misunderstand... It must be difficult to not look at.. err, bodyparts, if you're in a race though, with all the skimpy dressing etc. hmm..

How about 'SHY GUY. NOT TRYING TO SEDUCE YOU. TOO SHY.' (Okay, that one's maybe a bit 'too much', anyone have any better ideas?)

I'm thinking part of it might also be some sort of 'OCD'? (I've heard people with 'pure-O' OCD talk about being afraid other people might think they might be hitting on them.. in that case some anti-OCD tips could be helpful too? )

Thank you for your post Feathers.

My original question was based on the fact that I MYSELF realise that my anxiety can be misunderstood, and people openly dislike me because of it.

My quesion was how do I deal with that without crying my eyes out, and not being able to eat or sleep as a result?

If you can ALSO understand why people are openly hostile and spiteful because of what I have told you I am lost again. I've thought wearing big black sunglasses, so no one can see my eyes.

I think I need to completely re-learn to communicate with people with confidence. And I plan on seeing a psychologist about it.

I had thought of getting a T SHirt.

Warning: Anxiety sufferer, Difficult to talk to, but means well.

And Feathers, it is not quite as simple as what you say. I try NOT to look at these things. I am so scared of giving the wrong impression. And that fear of giving the wrong impression is social anxiety pure and simple, and I also have panic disorder.

I am one of the best runners of my age in the state of New South Wales. When I am running I focus 110% on the race. That is why I love running because for a while I am free to be my real self. Through the hard work of training and putting my heart and soul into a race, I also prove to myself who I am. And I don't look at body parts before, during or after a race, because I am not a PERVE, or a dirty old man.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I've already taken the step of explaining what I am suffering from in my blog in minute detail, and this has been read by most those who I run with. Like I say most people are positive, but there is always a minority. I've also told everyone at work that I suffer from anxiety.

Maybe some people will still want to believe I am a werid, shallow ****? How do I deal with that?

I've raised money for charities in my races, including breast cancer and depression causes. I give my photos freely to athletes and for the club to use for publicity. I plan on buying athletics equipment for the local little athletic club.

I have been really broken by this ugly disease. I try to do altruistic things to feel better about myself and mend this damage to my soul.

 

[Feathers]

WOW. Kiwong, I am simply amazed at the stuff you do... It's awesome you are doing these things for the club and fundraising etc...
I always thought you were a good person.. now I admire you even more..

Please don't think you have to 'prove' anything to yourself or to others though.. Do it if you want to help, not to 'buy' their love or appreciation or whatever.. or 'peaceful conscience'.. You're a good person already...

Okay, when do they tell you these mean and spiteful things, before or after the race, or during? It might help to know. Are that women or men? Older or younger than you, or equal age? Better or worse in running as you are?

You wrote yourself you are one of the best in running... That alone can make people jealous and say stupid spiteful things.. to 'bring you down a notch'.. if you concentrate on the race, they may see you as 'aloof' or even 'arrogant'.. (not saying it's so, it's just a possibility, another very shy girl I knew told me others saw her this way, when she was just very shy...)
Have you ever watched a baseball game on tv? People insult each other or give each other mean looks all the time to 'confuse' the opponent? And 'win' the game.. Could you find one of such movies to watch? (Maybe it would help with 'desensitivization'?)

I was actually joking above (with the T-shirts), trying to cheer you up a bit.. Not sure if T-shirts could actually be seen, you need to have a number on yourself, right?

Even people who are normal 'check out' other people, it's normal.. some do it more or less discreetly.. (maybe some girls are even 'insulted' if you don't check 'em out, hm? it really depends on the people..)

Well, most people are 'weird'.. unless they are boring.. and in my book, it's better to be 'weird' (think 'odd', 'interesting', 'unusual', 'unique', 'fascinating'...) than 'boring', no?
One of the best compliments a guy ever gave me was, 'Wow, you're one of the weirdest girls I know..' I was really flattered, ha ha..

People think you're shallow? Well, apparently those people don't know you very well, do they? Or maybe more likely they are shallow themselves?
Often people accuse others of what they dislike in themselves, yeah..

I don't think people dislike you because of your anxiety, they dislike you possibly over something else, or project things on you.. If you were sociable they might find something to dislike too.. or call you names.. If you were a big bad mean-looking guy they might not dare to express it openly though.. (Could you make friends with a big guy who'd be like a 'bodyguard' to you and give a mean eye to the others? A big girl or 'fan club' of supporters could maybe do the same too?)

Have you ever learnt martial arts? They teach non-violence first of all, it might make you feel more confident though.. Or maybe there's like a course on assertive or anti-bullying or non-violent communication or such?

If you find a good psychologist, that can maybe help too, yeah. If you find one, do tell us how it goes! (I have had a problem in another similar situation so I'm actually personally interested in finding a good answer and way to go about it too..) Sorry if it seemed like I was just joking around.. I'm actually interested in this too..