I have through the years tried to pretend it doesn't exist although now I can be honest ( and this place is good to talk openly in) social phobia has ruled my life, my choices, my everything, darn it! It's so limiting and it starts closing in so tightly that the limitations build upon themselves. I have become the most fantastic actress and people don't know the real me. When I say I don't really want to attend a party or whatever, they just think I'm so confident that I prefer my own company or have something more interesting to do. I'm so amazed people can't see through me, so much so that I've had enough and have started telling them all how fearful I really am, and who I really am and that I intend of changing the way I am and release this chronic fear. I am fearful of blushing mostly and the unpredictable nature of it, the fear of being noticed, singled out etc as it is the core or the starting point of where all the fear originated - was teased when I was a little girl, blushed, felt traumatic over it and there the seed was planted. It's going to take some time, but I'm planning of loving myself into it, having lived with it as this huge great weakness that will never be able to be accepted and set free. The face I have shown to the world is not who I truly am and that makes me feel sad. I deserve more than this, we all do!! I've done the crying, the anger, and I'm working on the acceptance. One day, if it comes and if it's part of my path, I'd like to help others, I'd like to reach others who live in this pain and give them a hand up.
We're all in this together