dependency upon others?

[JonnyD]

I want to bring up this subject because i want to make myself better.


there is this girl who i'm interested in and who i constantly chat with online, in a daily basis actually... well its all nice, but every time she doenst show up i fell really sad, if we don't talk for two days i start felling depressed and ale one, even when i have other friends to chat...

i happened before its just the one more recent example.

what i mean is my humor is completelly dependent on her,
it's normal to miss a person you like and its normal do feel bad not being able to talk to your significant other for a long time... what i dont think is normal is depending on another person fell normal in a dayli basis.

does anyone have a experience like that, and tips on how to improve?

 

[Srijita52]

I also wanna know this......I'm dependent on my best friend for everything.I have a tendency to hide behind her when we're with others.She has many other friends while I have only her although I've many friendly accquintances.I HAVE TO TALK TO HER at least 5 times a day,otherwise I feel lonely.I really love her bt I wanna get out of her shadow & do things on my own.Any suggestion how to do this?

 

[Feathers]

Try to get energy from other sources: eg go for a walk, do something fun and interesting... find laughter in silly everyday things... Do something FUN and exciting... go out of your comfort zone a bit (while still being healthy and safe and considerate of others), set and accomplish goals etc.

Also try to find several people: online and RL friends, relatives, maybe a doggie or cat you can 'adopt' (for real or just to go for a walk with, they'll be happy!!)

You need a 'support group', not just one person!! Even if you do get married etc, you'll still need friends and a 'support group' of people, if that makes sense!!

 

[lacucaracha]

is it because you are lonely maybe and you need some more people to talk to

 

[Ladystardust]

I have a great fear of becoming dependent on others i know it is not good to rely on anyone too much. I have a friend who i see a couple of times a week but if for some reason i cannot see him i can get quite down. To try to over come this i limit time with him as i find if i havetoo much time it makes things worse. ::

 

[Steppen-Wolf]

This happended to me some years ago, I became way too close to this girl online, totally dependent on her in an emotional level, and when she left my life I was completely destroyed.

It's a very dangerous path, but you seem to be aware of the danger. I think the best solution is discipline, choose not to talk to her every day, try and find more friends off or online and try to enjoy her friendship but not depend so much on her, because 95% of the people on our lives will go away at some point.

 

[Newtype]

This has happened to me with a girl and it really wasn't healthy for me. It lasted 3 years too. I don't know what advice I can give you, but if this keeps happening, you'll end up being sad and depressed all the time. In the long term, your emotions will start to affect her and she'll be angry at you. You mustn't see her as your way out of SA/depression. She isn't. Only you can beat it.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Well, I depended on my boyfriend to give me a sense of confidence. Because he loved me, I could love myself.
When he broke up with me, I was(still am) completely destroyed for 2 years, after the 8 year relationship/12 year friendship... and I'm still only in the beginning of figuring out who I am without him.
So, I was cut off 'cold-turkey' and it hasn't worked out very well for me so far, haha.

I could recommend for someone in a slightly less serious situation to try cold-turkey though. Kind of like any other habit or addiction- sometimes the shock of having the dependency disappear is enough to be able to quit for good.

Work on yourself, love yourself, do things you want to do rather than depending on/waiting for someone else to make you feel good. Make yourself feel good.

It's easy enough to suggest such a thing, I know... but that's all it is- a suggestion.
I don't want anyone to hurt themselves by being away from the things that make them feel happy when that feeling is so rare, but what I'm saying is-- find things to replace those habits and it will become easier to be independent in time.