Difficulties looking for work...

[odetoanoddity]

OK, so I've been avoiding applying for jobs these past few weeks. However, I'd say that the fact that I'm looking in the first place is an improvement on my part. It means I'm taking the necessary steps, however how small they may be... :\

I am 20, turning 21 in March and I've never had a job. The idea of working with other people just freaks me out and I've been avoiding it for years now. I'd see friends since highschool, working part time and talking about it amongst themselves. I wouldn't have anything to share because I'm jobless and have been jobless so far :| It'd make me feel ashamed when people would ask if I have a job So they'd recommend jobs I could apply for and I'd be like "oh yeah, I'll think about applying for that!"

...

but I never do, and it's because of this crippling social anxiety :thumbdown:

My friends don't know about this... the only people that do know are my boyfriend and my best friend.

I've had some kind of team experience before, from doing group projects and group work at University, but that's because I sorta had no choice in that. If I *did* have a choice, I'd rather be working alone...

But I'm at a rather difficult time in my life where I'm wondering what I want in this life and where I'll be... and it's this damned SA and depression that's bringing me down and has really made my life miserable - I haven't even reached my potential at all because I am always assuming the worst and putting myself down Yet even *I* don't want to be in this continual rut for the rest of my life. I want to work so I can feel some sort of validation - as in, I don't need to rely on my parents or student benefits for cash. I can feel financially independent and ergo feel... good... Feel good about myself that I can do something, a feeling of accomplishment and so on and so forth..

Anyway, I had a inner dialogue with myself right at the beginning of 2013. I was going to find a job before I turn 21 - that was the erm, promise, I had made to myself. I've sent expressions of interest emails to department stores and somewhat started on a resume to send. So I *have* started these slow and small baby steps towards this goal, its just that... well, there's still the issue of my SA - job interviews freak me out and makes me nauseous...

So I've kinda put the whole traditional job search aside for a while and focused on methods to earn cash online. I've done online surveys and gotten paid, signed up for paid focus groups, currently 'working' in affiliate marketing and getting paid to click and watch advertisements. Cumulatively, out of all of the sites I've joined, I've earned only just $12+ Australian dollars. Of course, I knew that this wasn't going to get me some serious cash overnight, but I thought I'd try anyway.. Any way to make me delay finding a real job, I guess :\

I have yet to offer my services in freelancing and I'm still sketching what niche topic to cover on my blog in order to earn some money - but from what research I've done, these things can bring in the cash in the $$$ - $$$$$ digit range (provided that it's done properly). So I'll see what I can with this, as well as continue doing the other things I've been doing...

---

Anyway, apologies about the rambling post :| I'm new here and if you managed to read this until the end, my questions to you are:

1) Have you ever experienced social anxiety so bad to the point that it affected you finding a job?
2) Have you ever experienced social anxiety so bad to the point that it affected you finding a job, HOWEVER, you overcame these issues. If so, HOW did you do it?
and 3) If you have looked for ways to earn money online, do you have any recommendations for legitimate online survey sites, PTC sites and freelancing sites etc that have helped you earn money - share your success stories here!

 

[mikebird]

Looking is very easy. I know what I can do.

But when I use a search phrase, long or short, I see thousands of results which require a list of 50 or so other skills - nothing I have.
Then I restrict other factors, such as distance, refining my results, but I've been doing this for too many years.

Interviews are too often - difficult to say 'no' to. My particular skill is expanding chaotically in demand from last quarter to January. I think it will keep rising.

Yesterday's interview, 83 miles from home is in demand by a blue chip client

I spent 30 minutes in a room of two others, when I was only told about one, as usual. No HR staff there, though. This has been the case for decades; they ask all weird psycho questions such as what's your favourite colour or what animal would you like to be? When I'd usually say 'Tiger'

The question I dwell on since, as well as the perturbed look in there eyes, which astonished me, I was asked 'how do you communicate, Mike?'

I said I like to go to people's desks, on knees to tell them something or find out what they want. I use email to convey a lot of numerical detail

Maybe this was my downfall.

Today, I was told to expect an initial phone call about a very exciting role in London... waiting by the phone for 30 minutes... considering giving up on that. Then, they just called as I type!

Well, I have a strange new type of neck ache on the phone, while typing, getting horrendously nervous which I am sure he would have detected, and will write me off. I am used to be asked 'do you have any questions for me?' I have too many prepared. As I go through them, they usually get put off. What am I supposed to do? Just say 'no, I don't have any questions - we covered everything already' Nobody likes that. So what? Asking a question is too much?

I need a lie down

 

[EscapeArtist]

ohmygooosh yes! I'm in your exact situation. Just turned 20. And I also made a promise to get a job before 21! And that's also what makes me feel bad about meeting up with old friends. And aaaaah I also tried that survey **** awhile ago, not worth it. And I also have no-little work experience than a few months and a reference I can't use because I quit in a horrible fashion via social anxiety... Hey, we can be motivation buddies and keep eachother feeling like we're not looking alone, share our experience in getting a job before we turn 21. When do you turn 21? PM me if you'd like! Nothing stops me from looking for jobs than doing it alone, don't know about you. By the way, congrats for looking because that's the most important part. Even one application may get you the interview that gets you the job, they may not even contact you right away but in 3, 5, whatever months whenever they need you, so every resume is hopeful.

 

[sahxox]

Reading your post OP is like reading an auto-biography.
Just today after 3 months of almost 'cheat' job hunting, i.e. applying online, I have finally cracked. That was my reason for logging on actually and I see this - wow.
I deliver papers around the neighbouhood - pay is kinda **** but Ii like the execise and being mostly solitary, not to say I am an anti-social person but like most people here know SP is a real bitch. :/
It's like you want to earn money etc. but the thought of how nervous I may or may not be puts me off. There is no trust that Ii can walk into a workplace and just be relaxed. Then the paranoia that everyone thinks I'm weird for not talking or whatever kicks in and I'm gone aha and this is all in my mind... I haven't had any serious offers yet!
Absolutely self-defeating.

Anyway are you at university?

 

[ella_missing]

for myself, i think finding a job is impossible
When people ask if I have found a job or they make suggestions I feel more sad. I say "I'll see about that" but you know what it's like.
I've never thought about delivering papers in my neighborhood and I'm not sure if I want to try put myself in this process. I wouldn't know who to ask about this job either!
I tried about earning cash online but it was never something serious.

 

[gustavofring]

1. Yes. Well in my case it's more AvpD actually. And depression. And a fear of failure.
2. Yes. After a prolonged period of depression and avoiding I finally have something of a real job in the grown up world as a night receptionist. It's not my first job, I've had jobs in the past, but back then I was too much of a wreck to keep a job. While I am still in the process of learning I find that I become less nervous as I learn to do all the tasks right with trial and error. I also become more confident around colleagues and customers. I'm not saying I'm entirely over my anxiety, and I have fears of screwing up, but having a job, even if it's just for a few days a week, gives me a purpose and a challenge. This has greatly bettered my self view and other parts of my life.

For me what helped me get over my issues and search for a job, and persevere with it was basically necessity. I was on the verge of going broke, so I had no time thinking about depression or anxiety anymore. I basically did everything I could to find a job and collected enough courage to do it. I also had family members helping/urging me to seek a job.
I must say this job is not my passion, but it brings in the cash to live, and I have an opportunity to work on freelance projects on my off days. Besides, it's mostly quiet during the night, which is also a plus.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

What you do have going for you is that you're smart. You also seem to be ambitious. There's a strong flame burning within you to succeed.

No matter how many social situations that I thrust myself into, I am still anxious and awkward. Yes, this has affected my career but not entirely. Even though I hate working in highly social situations, I've forced myself anyway. If I allowed my SA to control my life based on how fearful and anxious I was, I would never leave the house. I just tell my SA to take a back seat and that I'm doing it. If people laugh at me or think I"m weird, too bad. I'm doing it anyway.

I wish I was more socially graceful. But, I'm not. And, I may never be. But, there's too many things in life that I want to do and too many things that I NEED to do. A job is one of them. And, your average job isn't as bad as you think. You'll be busy and even make a few friends. A lot of the members here have jobs and they have pretty severe SA.

Keep applying. Get a job where you can interact with the public and fellow coworkers. I even once worked as a waiter! And, it wasn't that bad.

GO FOR IT! YOU CAN DO IT!

 

[jaim38]

Yes, SA has made me very anxious about finding work. I avoid finding work in certain cities where I had past trauma. Just the other day, I received an email about a job which fit my description and skills. Too bad the job is in a city that I dread going back to.

I also avoid applying for certain jobs such as waiter, bartender, and nurse aide. I know I won't do good in those.

 

[spearhunter]

yes me too, i am 26 and i have not held a stable job for the last 2 years.

 

[odetoanoddity]

Reading your post OP is like reading an auto-biography.
Just today after 3 months of almost 'cheat' job hunting, i.e. applying online, I have finally cracked. That was my reason for logging on actually and I see this - wow.
I deliver papers around the neighbouhood - pay is kinda **** but Ii like the execise and being mostly solitary, not to say I am an anti-social person but like most people here know SP is a real bitch. :/
It's like you want to earn money etc. but the thought of how nervous I may or may not be puts me off. There is no trust that Ii can walk into a workplace and just be relaxed. Then the paranoia that everyone thinks I'm weird for not talking or whatever kicks in and I'm gone aha and this is all in my mind... I haven't had any serious offers yet!
Absolutely self-defeating.

Anyway are you at university?

Hi there! I see that you're from Australia, so am I I'm from NSW and I was wondering how you got the paper gig? One of my friend's job recommendations was to go around the neighbourhood and shove brochures and such into their mailboxes, and I've been seriously thinking about it! I like being alone too, and I'm sure I'd enjoy the walk (provided the weather is OK, haha)

I know exactly what you mean. I'd get really paranoid that people were scrutinizing every move I made with their eyes, laughing behind my back because every task I did was absolutely hopeless - this deters me from working, A LOT! But, you're right, it's all in my head and it's something I'm inclined to believe wherever I go - just a dominant thought pattern in my mind that has no semblance in reality whatsoever..

Yup, I'm at university, 4th year doing a BA in Media Studies. Are you at university?

 

[odetoanoddity]

What you do have going for you is that you're smart. You also seem to be ambitious. There's a strong flame burning within you to succeed.

No matter how many social situations that I thrust myself into, I am still anxious and awkward. Yes, this has affected my career but not entirely. Even though I hate working in highly social situations, I've forced myself anyway. If I allowed my SA to control my life based on how fearful and anxious I was, I would never leave the house. I just tell my SA to take a back seat and that I'm doing it. If people laugh at me or think I"m weird, too bad. I'm doing it anyway.

I wish I was more socially graceful. But, I'm not. And, I may never be. But, there's too many things in life that I want to do and too many things that I NEED to do. A job is one of them. And, your average job isn't as bad as you think. You'll be busy and even make a few friends. A lot of the members here have jobs and they have pretty severe SA.

Keep applying. Get a job where you can interact with the public and fellow coworkers. I even once worked as a waiter! And, it wasn't that bad.
GO FOR IT! YOU CAN DO IT!

Thanks for the enthusiasm! It's well appreciated I *do* feel that I have the inner strength inside to persevere and achieve my goals - even if accomplishing them is taking a slow, turtle pace - it's still something, no? It *did* take some force into actively searching a job site or opening the job positioning pages in the newspaper. I could have easily ignored the nagging part of my brain that was yelling at me to look for a job, but I thought "stuff it, I'll give it a go."

Yup, just like you, a job is something I need to do. To me, it's one way out of this circular route I've been following for some time now; it's made me miserable and I just want out of it!

Thanks for sharing your experience You seem to be resilient, and a fine example to follow