Do we get along with each other?

[Rainman]

You would think, that because we understand how difficult it is for us in social situations, we would be able to emphathise with other SPers and shy people in general. We can become good friends with each other and begin our own social circles.

Funnily though, I don't think it works that way. I think when we come across somebody who is shyer than us, we don't see an opportunity to extend our compassion and empathy to them and give them our company, instead we see an opportunity to feel a sense of triumpth, or even somebody to exert our power over, so we feel better about ourselves.

It's the same dynamic that causes those more confident than us "normal people" to to do the same to us. I think, even if we did form a group of SPers, it would not be any different than any other group. There would still be a more popular and least popular one and the usua group politics.

At school, I noticed the same. I noticed that the unpopular kids had their own groups and clubs and their own rejects. It's as if secretly we all step on each other to make it the top; it's some surivival instinct?

 

[spikefan777]

That's a really good point.

I know this girl from school who's in my P.E. class. I feel more comfortable around her because I know that she's shy too. I'll do all I can to start up conversations with her. I'm the one who usually relys on others to do the conversation starting too. When I talk to people who aren't shy, I can't think of anything to bring up or say and that's when I start feeling uncomfortable, awkward and nervous.

On Friday the kids in my class took advantage of the substitute and told him that school ended at 3 (It really ends at 3:15, lol). So anyway we were let out early and I had absolutely no one to hang out with for those 15 minutes so I decided that I would try to talk to a few video gamers. Sorry to say this but these dudes were complete geeks and I was able to talk to them as if we were the best of friends because I felt comfortable around them knowing that they weren't better than me. I guess I thought that I was better than them? It sounds horrible but I seriously think that was the reason why I could openly talk with them. Either that or I'm a geek too. 8O

 

[Rainman]

It sounds horrible but I seriously think that was the reason why I could openly talk with them. Either that or I'm a geek too. 8O

Yes, I can relate to this. When I come across a person who is shyer than me, my natural reaction is to take control and dominate, until I catch myself doing it that is. But I've also noticed, that if I do not take control and dominate, it's gives that person the opportunity to do the same to me.

It's sad really, it as if we are just waiting to be better than somebody else and when we find that person, we repeat exactly the same behaviour towards them, that those more socially competent than us do to us.

We may see somebody who is acting all clumsy in social situations, because they are probably really shy and anxious, but instead of emphathising with that person, we probably laugh at them with the rest of our mates or think "Ha, now that person is weird; I thought I was weird" and feel better about ourselves. Yet that person could just as easily have been one of us.

 

[Lotrsfan]

I wish i saw a girl that i thought was shy and didn't talk much when i went to school, or college for a while, but i didn't. They all looked and were very outgoing, and i was really uncomfortable, i couldn't bring up conversations, and i only talked to them if they asked me something. and they would ask me the questions all loud and i was uncomfortable still and my voice came out very quietly all the time.
*sigh* hopefully one day i'll met someone whos shy.

 

[Nice2MeetU]

You would think, that because we understand how difficult it is for us in social situations, we would be able to emphathise with other SPers and shy people in general. We can become good friends with each other and begin our own social circles.

Funnily though, I don't think it works that way. I think when we come across somebody who is shyer than us, we don't see an opportunity to extend our compassion and empathy to them and give them our company, instead we see an opportunity to feel a sense of triumpth, or even somebody to exert our power over, so we feel better about ourselves.

It's the same dynamic that causes those more confident than us "normal people" to to do the same to us. I think, even if we did form a group of SPers, it would not be any different than any other group. There would still be a more popular and least popular one and the usua group politics.

At school, I noticed the same. I noticed that the unpopular kids had their own groups and clubs and their own rejects. It's as if secretly we all step on each other to make it the top; it's some surivival instinct?

I know I'm replying to an old post, but here it goes anyway. I agree with what is written in the last 2 paragraphs coz I reckon even if you were in a group of friends who all had SP, chances are some would still dominate the conversation while others sit there feeling awkward.

But I don't agree with what you said in the 2nd paragraph coz it depends on the individulal. Some ppl will feel a sense of power/triumph knowing that they aren't as shy/SP whatever as someone else or being able to dominate the conversation/the other person, but lots of ppl would genuinely want to extend their compassion and empathy coz they know what it feels like.

I remember back when I was at high school, there were ppl in my group of friends who seemed even quieter than me, but without the SP. One day I started talking to one of the girls in the group, who also didn't talk much, and I although I found myself having to do most of the talking, I never felt like a had some "power" over her; it just felt like I was talking to someone who was also quiet and who I thought would actually listen to me (coz it felt like the more extroverted ppl in the group wouldn't always). It also didn't make me feel "better about myself" in the way described, it's more like it felt good to talk to another human being, who I thought I could relate to, and at the same time maybe make this person feel like someone else cares about them in some way.

 

[stormygrey]

You would think, that because we understand how difficult it is for us in social situations, we would be able to emphathise with other SPers and shy people in general. We can become good friends with each other and begin our own social circles.

Funnily though, I don't think it works that way. I think when we come across somebody who is shyer than us, we don't see an opportunity to extend our compassion and empathy to them and give them our company, instead we see an opportunity to feel a sense of triumpth, or even somebody to exert our power over, so we feel better about ourselves.

It's the same dynamic that causes those more confident than us "normal people" to to do the same to us. I think, even if we did form a group of SPers, it would not be any different than any other group. There would still be a more popular and least popular one and the usua group politics.

At school, I noticed the same. I noticed that the unpopular kids had their own groups and clubs and their own rejects. It's as if secretly we all step on each other to make it the top; it's some surivival instinct?

That was a really good point and I can't say how relieved n happy you posted that because it was wat I was struggling with for many years, its like something poisonous is extracted from me. Lots of times, people I knew who were just like me had often looked down on me and it felt pretty bad. Even currently, I only really have one good friend who is very quiet and SP and I feel quite comfortable with her, but it's pretty bad when she gets critical and looks down on me.

 

[shipost]

School is so bad for SP somtimes, I felt like a bully most times. Like I try to hang round with some people and they have the nerve to say we dont want you hanging round with us you get us in trouble and you have to hit them. I had a bad temper at school, I never wanted to hit people but I tend to find geeks always have smartass comments which gets me so mad you lash out.

Maybe it was just my school, but when you have geeks saying how much better thay are than you on computers or whatever and saying how I always copy there work in class when I don't they are just asking me for me to hit them I'm sure.

But teachers ALWAYS believe them, I don't even have to hit somone and they lie and say I have... then I get suspended from school.

The last years of school are the worst, you start growing up then everyone around you is acting like a kid. Theres tiny new comers running beneath your feets, gets so stressful you just want to hit everyone!

god so glad I quit when I remember what it was like :lol: