Do you believe your parents helped develop social anxiety?

[lil_ladii85]

I remember when i was growing up i was rarely allowed to go places. My friends would invite to sleepovers, the mall, or just to hang out and my mom would always tell me no. Im not blaming my mom for my social anxiety but i think her secluding me from the outside world growing up had a huge impact on it.

 

[dottie]

i was totally overprotected/sheltered. it's like i was conditioned to fear people from an early age just so my parents would feel safer.

DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS, STRANGERS ARE BAAAAAD. if they touch you BITE THEM AND RUN. i took things very seriously as a kid (and still to this day) so i'm not sure if i can entirely blame them but their fear-instilling parenting techniques did not help.

+ too much america's most wanted & unsolved mysteries.

 

[miss_amy]

Without a doubt it came from my parents. My dad was a control freak, I was abused and controlled. My mother was mentally ill and did nothing to stop it and spent most of her time cutting her wrists, being drunk or in mental institutions. To the outside world my dad looked like a perfect parent. He sent us to music lessons, we were outwardly dressed well, he beat us to do well at school and made us scared to speak out. (Us=me and my twin sis). He used to touch us and watch us in the bath making comments. He made us watch stuff kids shouldn't watch. He punched me and knocked me off a chair. There was always stuff being smashed up. He called us sexual names if we dressed up to go out.
I left home as soon as I got the chance and unfortuately it was in with someone who was almost as bad. The abuse from my dad did not stop after I left either even though I was an adult. It stopped when I moved 300 miles away. Then there were things about my cousin that made me think he'd started on her. It's so hard to speak out because it was so all behind closed doors that I'm certain that no one would believe me. Feel really guilty about the whole thing. I'm sure he must be still doing it to someone. I haven't seen him for a long time.

Was a really awful time.

 

[piper23]

I think my parents had something to do with it. Partially because my mom was shy anyway; also because she is completely PARANOID!! The fact that I could not do anything I think hindered me from just enjoying life. Now I am a lil paranoid about things I just wish I didn't care about.

But it's not all her fault; there were other things too that I experienced that she had no control over, and they influenced my personality to a large extent. I am just screwed up.

Miss_Amy I am so so sorry to hear about your story. I just want to give you a big hug and console you. I hope you find support on this forum.

 

[coriander1992]

My parents divorce, I beleive, had something to do with it.

 

[IceLad]

In a word...YES!

I think a fair few things caused my SP, but my parents divorcing and my mum definitely played key parts in causing it. Looking at the way she thinks and acts today, I can totally understand how I came to develop SP.

 

[Psychedelicious]

yes, but mainly to do with my genetics. I can't really think of anything they could have done that really made me develop it though.

 

[Caseums21]

My parents were the opposite. My mom didn't care what my brother or I did. We never had a curfew. My dad was always working but he would try to gt my brother and I to have a curfew and things like that. My mom would let us skip school, not do chores, and even on school nights I could stay up as late as I wanted.

I should say that my mom was kinda an alcoholic back then. My brother and I would have to wake ourselves up for school and she would be too drunk on the couch to notice. As for having friends over, we always had friends over.

I think her not caring didn't help my situation. I wish I had a mom that cared. Like I said, my dad cared but he was never home. My mom moved out while my brother, dad, and I were sleeping. We woke up and all her stuff was gone. Being a female, that hit me hard because I was the only female and didn't have anyone to talk to. We didn't know where she moved to until about a week after she left.

I rarely talk to her now and she moved in 2002. But when I do talk to her, she just tells me how lazy I am and how I should have my own place now (I'm 23). My brother kinda gets along with her but lately he hasn't talked to her. She can pretty much careless about me. She really favors my brother over me. I'm not just saying that, she told me.

She would never have my brother or I sit down for homework. Since she didn't care, my brother and I basically stopped caring everything about school. I wish she cared because I could have made good grades.

When my brother graduated from high school, he didn't want to go to his graduation but she made him and she went. When I said I didn't want to go, she just said ok and that she didn't want to go anyways.

Her moving out the way she did, hit me hard. I felt alone especially after my Uncle who died about 4 months prior died. I was real close to him and I was supposed to move in with him about 2 months after he died. She having those two things happen so close together, just put me in a shelter stage.

If she didn't move out, I would have been long gone. Having a strict family shows that they care for you. Having a mom like mine, makes you wish you had a strict family.

 

[livingnsilence]

The only way my parents helped contribute to my SA is genetically and only my dad did that. My mom never sheltered me, yeah we had some rules, but they were very basic and not that strict, she always had me participate in a few activites/sports a year and once she started to see me getting shy she'd try to force me to get out more, eventually she gave up b/c it didn't really work though.

 

[Depressed4life]

...

YES YES THEY DO...I couldn't talk on the phone, i couldn't go out, i couldn't go shoppping, i couldn't socialize, i couldn't make jokes.......if i continue i will never finish. My parents always wants us to do things so that ppl can think that we are PERFECT girls and good girls...

 

[krs2snow]

I don't think I was overprotected but, I question my parents. Once upon a time, I thought them infallible, and I guess now I realize they are just human, like the rest of us.

 

[PhantomPod]

No. If anything, they helped prevent it from being even worse. I was extremely shy and timid since I was very little. That was just my temperament. But my parents help to foster my own little personality, while also encouraging me to join things like signing me up for gymnastics, soccer, basketball, etc.

I believe that my parents really could have sheltered me since I was so shy and they could have made excuses for me if I didn't want to talk by just being like, "oh, she's just shy." But they never did and helped me start speaking up for myself like by having me order my own meal in restaurants and everything.

Plus, they were like my best friends. Since I didn't exactly have any friends in school, I would always hang around and do things with them like go to the mall or the movies, and God knows I certainly wouldn't have even left the house if it wasn't for going out and doing things with them.

 

[M1tCh]

Yeah, they did. The influence of parents on their children is inevitable.

My folks are the overbearing and controlling type. They mean well, but they don't understand the damage their well-meaning-intentions have done over a lifetime.

What i've learned is that if i'm assertive without being argumentative (and if i keep can my word on things), then they tend to back off a little bit. So perhaps some of you have experienced similar results? Just curious...

1,2,3: Pancakes. Hi Fajita.

 

[Foxglove]

Re: Do you believe your parents helped develop social anxiet

I remember when i was growing up i was rarely allowed to go places. My friends would invite to sleepovers, the mall, or just to hang out and my mom would always tell me no. Im not blaming my mom for my social anxiety but i think her secluding me from the outside world growing up had a huge impact on it.

That all sounds familiar. I wasn't allowed to do anything or go anywhere, either. Sometimes, when kids from school would come to my house, my mother would say they weren't there to see me, they just wanted to see my horses. Gee, thanks, mom . Like I wasn't worth it or something. My parents are both really socially backward, and have never had any friends for as long as I can remember. They both came from abusive homes, my dad grew up in an orphanage. Instead of learning from the misdeeds done unto them, they treated me the same way. I, however, have learned from their mistakes, and do not mistreat my son. I also allow him to have more freedom. More than I like sometimes, but I don't want him to grow up to be a frightened little mouse like I always was. I allow him to go out and play with the neighborhood kids, and I don't always know exactly where he is at all times. That is what I would like, but I try to force myself to give him some liberties.

 

[lil_ladii85]

Re: Do you believe your parents helped develop social anxiet

I remember when i was growing up i was rarely allowed to go places. My friends would invite to sleepovers, the mall, or just to hang out and my mom would always tell me no. Im not blaming my mom for my social anxiety but i think her secluding me from the outside world growing up had a huge impact on it.

Exactly the same. All my friends were allowed to stay out late and go to parties and stay out at night etc but my mum was just so strict i always had to make excuses. She put a tax on fun and i taught myself to dismiss what my friends did as immature and ultimately i cut myself off from them all.

i started cutting myself off from friends as well to the point where i only had like 4 good friends at a time.

 

[lil_ladii85]

Re: Do you believe your parents helped develop social anxiet

I remember when i was growing up i was rarely allowed to go places. My friends would invite to sleepovers, the mall, or just to hang out and my mom would always tell me no. Im not blaming my mom for my social anxiety but i think her secluding me from the outside world growing up had a huge impact on it.

That all sounds familiar. I wasn't allowed to do anything or go anywhere, either. Sometimes, when kids from school would come to my house, my mother would say they weren't there to see me, they just wanted to see my horses. Gee, thanks, mom . Like I wasn't worth it or something. My parents are both really socially backward, and have never had any friends for as long as I can remember. They both came from abusive homes, my dad grew up in an orphanage. Instead of learning from the misdeeds done unto them, they treated me the same way. I, however, have learned from their mistakes, and do not mistreat my son. I also allow him to have more freedom. More than I like sometimes, but I don't want him to grow up to be a frightened little mouse like I always was. I allow him to go out and play with the neighborhood kids, and I don't always know exactly where he is at all times. That is what I would like, but I try to force myself to give him some liberties.

thats pretty much how it was for me, when a friend called or stopped by she would hang up the phone or say i wasnt there. and not even tell me that they called for me. My mom was also abused as a child by her step dad, she was called names and treated like crap, she was pretty much treated as an outkast, and i think she took her protectiveness of never having that happen to me, a little bit too far, i know she meant well, but i think that her overprotectiviness is what started my SP. And im the same way with my son, i dont want him to turn out shy and quite like me, so im always trying to get him to be interactive with people, and i dont discipline or hold him back as much as i should, i just spoil him too much

 

[Emma]

1,2,3: Pancakes. Hi Fajita.

Hi Nacho Man
*waves*

 

[Atlantis]

I believe yes.


I believe my mother created a very bad ambient at home when I was a child. She blamed everything for her problems since she was so angry that my father got divorced from her. She is very neurotic and histeric.
I just remember that I had one friend who was afraid of her... it was funny... he asked me to accompany him to the door since he didn't wanted to go alone.


My mother was of the type who didn't care about looking good to the world as she hated the world. She never cared about her own image. So I think she passed the idea to me the world is evil and I shouldn't care about looking nice. It is almost like if I was raised in a savage way. I am not talking about appearance, its about being nice to people and sociable.
My mother tends to be very hostile towards people. I'm not like her, I really want to be nice but I don't know how. I am a very friendly person, but I am unable to express that to the world.


Why I am unable to externalize that "friendlyness" ? Do people notice but they ignore like if I simply do not interest them or I am not really that friendly... or its something else ? Please say what do you think about me.

 

[de-vin]

i know this if off topic...but I used to have SA so bad i could barely leave the house...i got on imipramine and completely helped me...anyway I can go out of state now, no problem...if you guys havn't given it a shot ask your doc about it and i hope it helps if you do...

 

[Tinuviel]

Yeah, they did have something to do with it. When I was a kid, everytime I was loud or babbling about something, they were like "shhhh, keep it down". And they divorced when I was 10. Aaaand of course I wasn't allowed talking to strangers. But I'm not blaming them.