Does anyone go to school and doesnt have any friends there?

[shybutsexy]

Hi, is there anyone out there that goes to university or high school or even work and doesnt have any friends in there?. If so can you please tell me, what do you do in your free time? for example if you have like 2 or 3 free hours between one class an another, or a 2 hour break, what do you do? and, doesnt it bother you that people always see that you are alone? Also what do you do when you have to make like group activities or group proyects but you dont have friends or you dont know anyone? do you ask your teacher if you can work alone or do you try to socialize?. And last but not least, dont you feel lonely? how can you cope with going to school everyday and noticing that you are the only one different out houndreds or even thousands (if go to university) of people of your own age? doesnt it make you feel less of a person? like a black sheep in the universe? how can you live and survive like that?
Well thank you in advance, i really need some help.

 

[alwaysrunning]

in my free time i go walk around downtown, sit down at the grass and read a book, or go to a cofee shop and just be there to study. I have acquaintances but even when i had friends i would do the same, they cant hold ur hand all the time, i enjoy being myself at several places. Just embrace doing things independently and do whatever it is you would do if anyone else was around.

 

[Feathers]

hm, I had friends at university - it usually happened that at least a few of us had the same/similar breaks and we went to eat something or to grab a cup of coffee/tea or just to chat at the uni premises or in the park or went about town etc.

Sometimes I was on my own too and went to the library (to do homework assignments/read on uni stuff or just stuff for personal interest) or read a book or magazine etc. If went to lunch alone sometimes also read or wrote in a journal etc.
People think girls who write are cute I pretended to be a mysterious writer girl haha..

In a 2-3 hour break you can also go shopping or such. Or just look around shops/boutiques, try stuff on, browse book shops... (or whatever stores of your interest)
Even if you don't intend to buy anything, you can figure out what looks good on you or what other people wear etc.

Even in primary and secondary school, I always sorta had people I could 'hang out' with, at least a few... You can learn to make that... Just be nice and smile and ask any questions related to school/uni/work activities or immediate surroundings and such...

For group activities/projects at school usually we were sorta 'determined' by the teacher, or people sitting closest got together or friends/acquaintances... Or you could try to find people with same/similar interests...

Are people around you not-so-interesting/unapproachable/'snobby' or you lack common interests/topics to talk about or some good conversation openers?

If the nature of your work makes it difficult to have breaks at the same time as other interesting people, just remember you're paid to work and not to socialize there...? (You can actually get reprimanded for chatting with others at a job, a co-worker wanted me to NOT socialize at a job!!) At most jobs they just don't care either way... You can ask older/more experienced people for advice if you're new/er or encountering new and not-so-well-known work etc. (This depends a bit on what kind of 'atmosphere' is at work, some teams are good, some more individualistic...)

As for 'what would others think if you're always alone' - I think other people are too busy with themselves and don't go around wondering about other people much... You may have tons of friends outside university/campus/work, for all they know... (a roommate didn't socialize at dorm, she had bf and friends at home...) Nobody knows, ya know? You can be this interesting mysterious person they'd like to maybe get to know better...?

 

[shybutsexy]

Are people around you not-so-interesting/unapproachable/'snobby' or you lack common interests/topics to talk about or some good conversation openers?

Its kinda both, people never approach to me because i dont give a really good vibe to others, i have a very serious face expression so they are kinda scared of me i think and i try to smile but it doesnt always work, and yeah im not interesting to others because i have nothing to talk about, and dont really know how open conversations, and if i do i dont know how to continue them, i go quiet at some point and run out of thing to say. Anyway thank you so much, your words really gave me hope

 

[Feathers]

Good to hear you found my words helpful

hm, are you a teacher/employee or a student?
Cause if you teach/work there it's actually good to have a stern face with any students, you can relax a bit and smile at any other work colleagues though... (especially if/when there aren't students around)

There are communication techniques you can totally learn, I didn't know how to talk to people and I learnt lol... There are books and info online about this!! The idea is to invite them to talk about themselves and their interests, ideally to find and discuss common interests of you both, and have open-ended questions and be sympathetic/understanding...

If you study/work together, you have some common interests immediately (exams, assignments, paperwork etc) You can also compliment their clothes/hairdo/accomplishments - ideally genuine, what you really admire!!

If you really hate working/studying there it may be a bit more difficult, but you can find good things in not-so-great situations too...

You can work on your 'vibe' too by changing your energy levels (nutrition + exercise/sports + lifestyle + attitude, maybe CBT or such) and doing things that interest you and being happier/enthusiastic...

 

[nothingtofear]

I had no friends in highschool, there were some people I knew and was friendly with and talked to now and then but none of my friends went to my school and I didn't make any. I can't give you any advice from personal experience because I handled it very, very poorly. I skipped school to be alone, not to do drugs or hang out with friends or have fun, just to avoid the hell of the forced company of my peers. Skipping a lot of school got me into a lot of trouble (I wasn't diagnosed and didn't know about SAD) and eventually I just dropped out all together and hid away in my room for several months before I started making some improvement. A little over a year later, work was pretty tough too. Co-workers weren't nearly as bad as highschool students but being on the phone talking to strangers for 8 hours a day isn't the best work for someone with the kind of SAD that I had. I managed to keep that job for almost 6 months and spent more hours at work in that time than I did in my 3 highest attendance semesters of high school put together.

Yeah, I felt lonely as hell at school. It was hell. That first job wasn't as bad, there were some co-workers I didn't mind talking to and I was just in much better shape at that point and having friends outside of work made me not really care that none of my co-workers were friends. Plus I was talking all day whether I wanted to or not anyway.

how can you survive like that? By the sounds of it, you don't want to so all I can say is keep trying to change it. Just don't give up. It really sucks when that's how it is but all it takes is one good friend to make a world of difference.

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

I'll be starting college soon and a lot of my acquaintances moved out of state to do their college studies elsewhere and the few good friends I have left aren't attending the same college as I am so I'll either meet new people, which I highly doubt I'll be successful in doing, or just be a loner and hope someone is nice enough to approach me someday.

 

[alwaysrunning]

Hey Malice ^ just wanted to say ppl in college always approach you since they also are in need of new friends, they give u an opportunity to befriend them and hang out, that is if you give them the opportunity to do so as well. Study in the lounge instead of your room, actually go to the nerdy parties the R.A throws, use the dorm recreations even if you hve ur own microwave, tv, fridge etc. I didnt and wish i had, even though its easy to make friends in college if u miss the overt signs its hard to backtrack ur way into making new friends in your last yr of college.

 

[Srijita52]

I have only one friend at school,its fun when I'm with her,but when she's not around or busy with her friends I feel really frustrated cos then I have to wonder alone or read a book pretending to be busy.It really sucks,I sometimes try talking to others or engaging myself to group conversations,but I'm really pathetic at this.My friend is really popular at school,all my classmates call me her shadow & I'm always known as 'her friend',my friend is a good friend & I love her a lot but sometimes I really want to get out of her shadow & be accepted for who I am,not as someone's shadow.

 

[shybutsexy]

Good to hear you found my words helpful

hm, are you a teacher/employee or a student?

If you study/work together, you have some common interests immediately (exams, assignments, paperwork etc) You can also compliment their clothes/hairdo/accomplishments - ideally genuine, what you really admire!!

Im a student in my 3rd year in college, and yeah usually when i try to talk to someone the only conversation opener i can think of is exams, assignments and stuff, but that is usually it, after i have nothing else to say about those topics the conversation drops dead, and i cant think of anything else to say since we dont have anything else in common.

I'll be starting college soon and a lot of my acquaintances moved out of state to do their college studies elsewhere and the few good friends I have left aren't attending the same college as I am so I'll either meet new people, which I highly doubt I'll be successful in doing, or just be a loner and hope someone is nice enough to approach me someday.

Hey, if you managed to make friends before you will probably make friends in college too, its not really that diferent i think, so i would say dont worry. In my case i didnt even had friends before college so i have none experience or skill in socializing.

Hey Malice ^ just wanted to say ppl in college always approach you since they also are in need of new friends, they give u an opportunity to befriend them and hang out.

This is true in the first year because of the reason you said, sadly i missed this oportunity too, now im in my 3rd year of college and everyone i take classes with already has friends, so they have no interest whatsoever in being friends with me, so i dont see how can i make it happen.

 

[crazydom]

This is true in the first year because of the reason you said, sadly i missed this oportunity too, now im in my 3rd year of college and everyone i take classes with already has friends, so they have no interest whatsoever in being friends with me, so i dont see how can i make it happen.

This is something I'm really scared of. I went to community college my first 2 years and am transferring to a university this fall where I know absolutely no one. I'm not expecting to have an easy time making friends at all.

 

[geanlove]

I can cry thinking about my lonely existence ! but I won't ! I go to college & no friends, click/group, BUT every once in a while a bud will sit with me at a bench or table at the library we'll study & chit chat! but look & feel occupied & busy !! have $ for the vending machines ! pack snacks/meals, I even work too but they'll nice people I doubt we'll become best friends, customers compliment me yet I'll run in the back till they drive away. As lonely as I get I have to keep in mind God let me become severely social phobic! for my own protection or others. God won't let me become isolated though I have these thoughts that my loved ones don't love me & I get too scared to talk to people at times but we gotta struggle. Someones waiting to see YOU smile & laugh don't get lost in your head !

 

[Metal_isthe_Answer]

Between classes I usually just did the homework that was assigned for the class I was just at, that may be how I got nothing below an 85 except for a couple papers

 

[dead24]

Im a student in my 3rd year in college, and yeah usually when i try to talk to someone the only conversation opener i can think of is exams, assignments and stuff, but that is usually it, after i have nothing else to say about those topics the conversation drops dead, and i cant think of anything else to say since we dont have anything else in common.

This is true in the first year because of the reason you said, sadly i missed this oportunity too, now im in my 3rd year of college and everyone i take classes with already has friends, so they have no interest whatsoever in being friends with me, so i dont see how can i make it happen.

I agree with everything you said. I am exactly like you with all those problems.
Im in college too and about to graduate and i cant wait to get out of this s***hole.

 

[Helmaninquiel]

Honestly I used to be very, very popular in high school for three years but then one day I saw the world different and I noticed things about people that I've never have noticed before. See I always saw the good in people and loved everyone for who they were but one day I just started to see the flaws and how mean people can be to get what they want. ( I know that might sound odd but honestly that was my personality I used to look at everything in a positive way and was very outgoing and loved to be around people.)Then I started going through depression and never leaving my house. I've been getting better lately and attempted school again and made some friends but it was different they annoyed me alway gossiping and cause dumb ass drama, I would have taken being alone honestly. Read a book or play d.s.. or just do work to get a head start and just occasionally socialize with your class mates.