Does anyone overdo eye contact?

[rko74]

I find myself i overdo eye contact when someone is talking to me, cause i want to appear confident {but im not}.Its not that i want to make another person feel uncomortable, but i sense people get uncomfortable if give eye contact a little much.I guess im thinking about it at the time and im scared of it or the situation.

 

[mogs]

Apparantly, people make lots of eye contact when listening, and when you speak, you break off eye contact every once in a while.

 

[whiteraven]

I always feel like I overdo eye contact. I think its because I feel like if I'm not making eye contact then they might think that I'm not listening or not interested. Since I have a hard time talking or adding to the conversation I don't want someone to get the impression that I don't want to talk to them.

 

[Ashiene]

i tend to stare into people's eyes and space out.

 

[Quiet Angel]

Yes, me too. Quite strange. Sometimes I forget that I'm giving too my eye-contact.

 

[dottie]

i either completely under-do eye contact (my usual) or completely over-do it.

and it's not just that i look into their eyes too long, it's the unusual intensity. my eyes get really wide with intense focus. it's kind of an intense, absolute undivided attention, psycho, idiot stare. i'm so panicked inside that i'm not even concious that i'm doing it until i get a withdrawing, weird vibe from the other person. while initially they want to connect, my intense crazy eyes make them change their mind and want to disengage. once i'm concious that they are retracting because of my facial expression i try to stop. but it's an automatic response and for me to really focus on what they're saying makes me pull weird faces that creep people out. otherwise i won't hear what they are saying. does anyone else experience that? it's like i have to shut out all the distractions around me so i can hear them, but it leaves me making weird faces!

people think i'm dumb or crazy because of it. they tend to speak slowly to me. i don't need to be patronized! i GET what you're saying, asshole, i just make weird faces because of the copius amount of anxiety weighing me down. it's insulting but i know it's not their fault.

this happens when i am speaking to people i know, strangers, cashiers, coworkers, everyone. having to put so much energy into controlling an appropriate facial expression / eye contact is exhausting.

 

[Skatergirl]

Yes i do. I'm always looking to their reaction of their face, looking if they dont notice the way i feel. and i want to look interested in the conversation that i'm having.

 

[anomicdeer]

Theres only one person (that I can think of right now) that I can overdo eye contact with. But I do make eye contact usually. Or sometimes.

 

[tgates209]

Yup, I can tend to overdo eye contact. I think it's because I'm thinking about it so much that maybe I try too hard. It's good to lock eyes with someone speaking to you and to relax inside (I guess thats the trick in all this). I can usually tell when I'm overdoing it because they tend to give off a slightly uncomfortable vibe. For me it usually occurs at work, but in social setting as well. I struggle with blushing so that is what usually distracts me - thinking about if/when I will blush. This causes my brain to freeze sometimes and then speaking effectively becomes difficult.

Nonetheless, always try to look at people when they speak to you - it's just better. Much of communication is vibe though, so sometimes no or little contact is good too. I guess just trying to relax is the key.

 

[wo.]

I used to avoid eye contact and sometimes I would feel a bit awkward because of it. I am much better these days, although at times I wonder if I am overdoing the eye contact. mogs is right; the rule of thumb is to hold eye contact when you are listening, and to cycle between making eye contact and breaking it off when you are speaking. I think learning this little key helped me out a bit .

 

[NothingElseMatters]

i either completely under-do eye contact (my usual) or completely over-do it.

and it's not just that i look into their eyes too long, it's the unusual intensity. my eyes get really wide with intense focus. it's kind of an intense, absolute undivided attention, psycho, idiot stare. i'm so panicked inside that i'm not even concious that i'm doing it until i get a withdrawing, weird vibe from the other person. while initially they want to connect, my intense crazy eyes make them change their mind and want to disengage. once i'm concious that they are retracting because of my facial expression i try to stop. but it's an automatic response and for me to really focus on what they're saying makes me pull weird faces that creep people out. otherwise i won't hear what they are saying. does anyone else experience that? it's like i have to shut out all the distractions around me so i can hear them, but it leaves me making weird faces!

same here...sometimes i even blush after i realized that i am doing weird things with my eyes and face and i leave.it's like heyy if my eyes dont scare you away,my face will and if that doesnt happen either,get ready for some weird conversation

 

[GammaRay]

I almost never make eye contact with anyone. It really terrifies me for some reason. I feel like people believe me more, and are more comfortable when I don't, because when I do I feel that it doesn't seem natural.

 

[mylifephails]

i try to make eye contact but it hurts my eyes let alone feeling very uncompfortable ..

 

[kuhtreen]

Only when I'm at therapy, for some really odd reason. I always feel like I'm staring my therapist down....like I can't look away. It's awkward 'cause there's nowhere else to look, and if I look around the room I feel like she'll think I'm not listening.

 

[xSleepy]

When I do make eye contact I think about it too much. I guess Ive watched other people and seen how they do it. They don't just stare at the person. They take their eyes away from them every once in awhile to look at the ground or to the side of them or something. So I try to do that too. But it's really retarded. I start to think. 'ok I've looked them in the eyes for like 10 seconds, now I should look away at something... '

I can never just make 'normal' eye contact with anyone without having to think about it.

 

[tgates209]

same here...sometimes i even blush after i realized that i am doing weird things with my eyes and face and i leave.it's like heyy if my eyes dont scare you away,my face will and if that doesnt happen either,get ready for some weird conversation

I can relate to you 100%. I think the eye contact thing is what started my whole downhill slope into a blushing problem in fact as I look back. One thing I've come to realize is that although some people may give you a glance like "what's up with the blushing?", the bottom line is they don't care. They really only care about themselves and are probably just thinking about their next words.

I think James Hetfield gives weird eye contact sometimes!

 

[tgates209]

When I do make eye contact I think about it too much. I guess Ive watched other people and seen how they do it. They don't just stare at the person. They take their eyes away from them every once in awhile to look at the ground or to the side of them or something. So I try to do that too. But it's really retarded. I start to think. 'ok I've looked them in the eyes for like 10 seconds, now I should look away at something... '

I can never just make 'normal' eye contact with anyone without having to think about it.

I think the best approach is to remember those times where eye contact was natural and you didn't think about it. Maybe when you were speaking to someone and you were too into what you were saying to think about it. If we can capture that mindset, we'd be ok. I mean, even those that seem so natural about it even have to consider their eye contact when they are talking to someone they're not interested in listening to. The most effective listeners learn to act interested and enthralled with what others have to say even when they could care less.

 

[FOR REAL]

eye contact maybe 2 seconds max, then i look at the tv/monitor/ground/floor but i can still talk to the person but not looking at them
another thing i hate is people touching me, like pulling my hair or my beard(when i had one) just in general "dont fkn touch me"!!

 

[x000x]

I can't make eye contact for more than a few seconds. I'll start to feel really uncomfortable, then I'll have to look in another direction, which probably makes things even worse.

 

[petals]

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