Does your confidence about your looks waver?

[NightTimeForever]

Sometimes, before I leave the house, I think to myself "it's possible I'm a good looking guy" or whatever, and then when I'm out and about women will look at me. Without a rational basis, I'll start conjuring up negative reasons for them looking at me, like I have a deformity or something.

Does your own confidence waver? How is this overcome?

 

[Rawz]

Yes, my confidence does waver. My mood, emotions, thoughts, and experiences all effect it.

How is it overcome? I think it takes a lot of effort. I think having a good therapist really helps. Having someone you can talk to and help you through it helps. Even if you have friends and/or family that you can talk to, I think having a good therapist is still helpful. And thankfully I do have a good therapist.

I'm not entirely sure how to overcome it, but I think that at least part of the way you overcome it is similar to how you overcome a lot of things.. I recently saw someone mention this blog on another forum. It seems pretty good, and the blogger mentioned some books that really helped him overcome self-consciousness. One of them, The Four Agreements, seems pretty good, and has helped me a little and I haven't even finished reading it yet.

I've noticed that for me personally, going to therapy sessions along with ready good self-help type books, blogs, and internet posts, whether they are meant to be motivational and are a little cheesy, or are just a little thought provoking and only cause me to think--not act--is slowly causing me to become more aware of myself and more aware of what I am thinking, and what my emotions are each day and in different difficult situations. And slowly because of these things I am finding it easier to work on changing myself. It's happening a lot slower than I would like it to, but it's still happening. And since I'm only 20 I probably have plenty of time.

It's not easy and it's not quick, but it can be done.

 

[jc972]

Mine never waivers, I'm ugly all day. But hey, I'm a nice guy

 

[nodejesque]

Sometimes, before I leave the house, I think to myself "it's possible I'm a good looking guy" or whatever, and then when I'm out and about women will look at me. Without a rational basis, I'll start conjuring up negative reasons for them looking at me, like I have a deformity or something.

Does your own confidence waver? How is this overcome?

I can relate to this feeling... when people stare. I feel the same way, as if I have a deformity or something on my face. Its the same reason why I avoid all social media, the idea of someone looking at pictures of me, makes my heart beat out of my chest. The feeling that they can see through the facade, and actully see me, for how I see myself is absolutely terrifying. I do have to work with people, but im good at being in the backround. When I give presentations or have to speak to groups of people, I can appear confident and unaffected... but its becoming a struggle to have to appear that way when you feel like there's something wrong with you and they are looking right at you.

Something that helps me, is avoiding eye contact in a subtle way. Like looking in between their eyes.. or foreheads. But yeah.... it is detrimental to everyday life. Always feeling like you're so hideous... they have to stare.

 

[jaim38]

I think I'm plain and average, but sometimes I can actually feel uglier. When girls/women point and look at my clothes or comment on my appearance, I get self-conscious. I know my hairstyle isn't long or stylish which increases pressure to fit in. I also know I don't have good fashion sense.

 

[NightTimeForever]

I can relate to this feeling... when people stare. I feel the same way, as if I have a deformity or something on my face. Its the same reason why I avoid all social media, the idea of someone looking at pictures of me, makes my heart beat out of my chest. The feeling that they can see through the facade, and actully see me, for how I see myself is absolutely terrifying. I do have to work with people, but im good at being in the backround. When I give presentations or have to speak to groups of people, I can appear confident and unaffected... but its becoming a struggle to have to appear that way when you feel like there's something wrong with you and they are looking right at you.

Something that helps me, is avoiding eye contact in a subtle way. Like looking in between their eyes.. or foreheads. But yeah.... it is detrimental to everyday life. Always feeling like you're so hideous... they have to stare.

Oh, you brought up a very good point, thinking others will look at me in pictures is just something I'd rather not think about! You're a better person than I am, being able to give presentations is beyond my scope at the moment.

Anyway, thinking I am hideous probably doesn't jive with reality, considering plenty of women have approached me for conversation. Still, it's like this BDD rears its ugly head as soon as I pop my head out of the front door.

 

[Opaline]

Yes, and I'm the same way.

I honestly think people in general just stare. Your eyes have to fix themselves on something, and some people just aren't aware enough to realize they're staring until you look directly at them and they seem to snap out of it. I've noticed people staring at me a lot, but then I see others being stared at too, so I think it happens to everyone. I also take the subway every day to work, and when you're just sitting there it's hard to avoid looking at people unless you have a book or your phone or something else to absorb your attention. People just look around, pick something to look at, and sometimes it's you. That's what I think anyway

 

[Lou-s-Darkness]

Yeah I can relate. And people staring doesn't help one bit with the little confidence I have in my physical appearance. Sometimes I look in the mirror and think I look pretty, while other times I just look and think who the f*ck am I kidding? I hate it, because it's like a constant inner battle and I don't know which side to choose. It drives me insane sometimes and I end up avoiding the mirror...

As for overcoming it...I don't think that'll ever happen for me. I hope it will, but I don't know what to do physically to change it.

 

[Subpop]

My self confidence waivers a lot. That is something I have struggled with for many years. Some days I feel very accomplished and believe in myself and want to motivate others around me .......other days I struggle to decide what to eat for breakfast or to leave the house. The symptoms of BDD occasionally re-surface but it doesn't rule my life like it did years ago....and for that I am very thankful.

 

[Odo]

Yes.

I can have days where I feel alright but then I catch myself in the mirror or something and I feel bad about it for days. I don't think I'm ugly... just weird looking, like there's something 'off' about me and I creep people out. This is probably worse than looking normal and ugly... because I think people like normal-looking people more than they like strange-looking people.

 

[Psychedelicious]

Saver

Well to a degree maybe. I'm still ugly everyday but the ugliness varies from absolutely extreme to a milder degree on the scale. I've never had a confident day before in regards to my looks though.

 

[theoutsider]

My confidence about my looks surprisingly never wavers. I say surprisingly because growing up, it seems there was always somebody trying to convince me I was ugly or, at least, not as good looking as everyone else. I think that was because I was shy and non-aggressive which gave certain types the go-ahead to try and unload on me. For some reason, I never let them get to me and have always had positive reactions from the opposite sex. So, no reason to feel a lack of confidence.

 

[Richey]

If you are ugly, average or generic looking then people probably won't associate you with looks. It is just really unfair, but it is what it is. Some people are born with the looks and charisma to take them a long way in life. Whilst others miss out on those things and have to work 10 times harder.

At the same time, if you have a nice personality then that is also seen as attractive to people.

Don't think i'm ugly, but what was once thick, rock star hair, is now starting to thin at the top. So that makes me feel ugly and it sort of affects identity and character perception. Because i'll constantly compare myself to taller, muscular guys with good hair. It is hard not to.

having a nerdy, skinny look, has meant that I've never felt like the sort of guy girls physically normally look to. which is really sad.

 

[NightTimeForever]

I don't know about my looks, my parents say I am "model material", and I do have women initiate conversation, so in my more reasonable moments it seems to me that at least I'm not hideous. Still, it's extremely difficult to change that perception when around other people, just being in their presence I mean. BDD can be very distracting, and I try to put it in its place, but it's not easily done.