Don't look down... Don't look down... Don't look down...

[Anonymous]

For a few years now I have felt anxious while talking to women because I have been afraid that if I don't concentrate hard, I might glance at her breasts and she would notice me doing this and would despise me. This self-consciousness makes me very uncomfortable and makes me try to avoid social interactions with women.

Sometimes I concentrate on what her eye color is, and I am often too preoccupied to focus on what she is saying. I see her breasts in my peripheral vision and it feels like my eyes are pulling in a downward direction and I have to work hard to keep them focused directly in her eyes. (This intense stare into her eyes might be uncomfortable to her -- but this seems preferable to the alternative of staring at her breasts.)

As I am staring deep into her eyes with sweat beading on my forehead, women often pick-up on my anxiety and do things like cross their arms. I interpret this as if she is protecting her breasts from my eyes and thinking evil thoughts about me. This can throw me into a panic and make me want to flee!

I am a good-looking and accomplished man in his early twenties, and I find that many women are attracted to me and are confused as to why I am not more confident and assertive with them. Most men do not have this phobia because they understand the social dynamics that I misunderstand. Could you help me understand the true risks of male-female interactions?

WOMEN:
1. Have you ever noticed a man glancing down at your breasts while you are conversing with him?
2. What would you think of a man if you noticed him glancing at your breasts while standing face to face?
3. What does your arm-crossing mean?
4. Anything else I should know?

MEN WITHOUT THIS PHOBIA:
1. Do you ever glance at a woman's breasts?
2. What do you imagine a woman would think of you if she noticed you glancing at her breasts?
3. Anything else I should know?

I appreciate any assistance you might be able to provide to a fellow sufferer!

 

[Anonymous]

There have been a lot of comments regarding the subject of males looking at a female's breasts, and I just want to throw in my 3 cents (don't want to steal Crashmodem's 2 cents + tax :wink: ) I say, if a female has on a tight fitting top, blouse etc., maybe some parts of the breasts showing, LOOK AT THEM without guilt and quit worrying/second guessing it! She obviously dressed for that intention, don't disappoint her! If she's got on something loose and isn't trying to 'show off' your not going to spend a lot of time looking at that part of her, are you, so there isn't a need for all the concern! Stop worrying and enjoy yourselves! I have had a lot of women comment to me (and I am a female, too) that men are always 'talking to their boobs', well, it's not a wonder, they have 'em set up for the event, so WHY NOT?

Frankly, if you DIDN'T look at the 'bait', the gals would be disappointed, wondering if you are NORMAL because you didn't, or they may even think their pair disappointed you!

Don't worry, be happy!

 

[Anonymous]

Oh.... BTW, Reality... in regard to this:

As I am staring deep into her eyes with sweat beading on my forehead, women often pick-up on my anxiety and do things like cross their arms. I interpret this as if she is protecting her breasts from my eyes and thinking evil thoughts about me. This can throw me into a panic and make me want to flee!

It would be my guess that the female is feeling her OWN embarrassment for making 'them' so revealing.... when she sees you are uncomfortable with it, then is when she crosses her arms. I don't think she thinks 'evil' thoughts of you at all! She is simply trying to make you more at ease with it!

Like I said, don't worry, be happy!

 

[Anonymous]

That's great advice! It's just that you hear so many women complain about men "undressing them with their eyes" and "having sex with them in their mind" and "staring at their breasts."

I definitely DON'T want to do these things, but I'm afraid that I am unable to completely refrain from glancing at a person's body as I'm talking to them unless I concentrate very hard on standing very close to them and staring deeply into their eyes.

 

[Anonymous]

Aww , Reality, or is it Reeality, or re-Reality? Someone along the line, and I'm guessing someone who means a lot to you, that you would have liked to, or would still like to make an excellant impression on has got you feeling so unneccessarily GUILTY about doing "what comes natural"!! It's human nature to look & even lust, and Sweetie, you wouldn't be normal if you DIDN'T!

I am soooo glad I am anonymous because I would really be despised for letting THIS cat out of the bag.... BUT... It may 'appear' as if a girl is 'complaining'.. and... that's exactly what she wants you to think.... but Sweetie, what she is REALLY saying is: "Dudes dig my body!", and if you continue to undress her with your eyes, stare, etc. despite what she wanted you to THINK was her disapproval--- then THAT is telling her that YOU find her irresistable, and THAT is really what she IS REALLY looking for! I can almost guarentee you, if there were 2 guys, one that gawked & one that didn't and they both asked her out, she is going to say YES to the one that gawked, complaining about him gawking when she tells all her firends about going out with him!! (We have lots of tricks and games we play, just like 'you guys'! :wink: )

Reeality.... PLEASE, quit worrying, just be a normal man and do what comes natural, and I'll bet you wind up HAPPY!!

Think about it... would you go out with someone you didn't really find attractive? If a girl thinks you find her unattractive(by avioding looking at ALL OF HER) she may think that you really don't find her attractive and if you would ask her out, she'd probably be asking her self WHY

I'll let you in on another female thing--- If a guy DOESN'T look at our 'goods' and check us out, we can't help thinking that maybe females are not his preference.

You know the biggest reason you want to 'look down'? (besides the fact that it may be on display just for that purpose! )
Because of a 'little voice' saying it's WRONG or your not supposed to.... ditch the voice! When you ditch that voice, you'll find that you are just being YOURSELF and it will get to the point where you will need to question yourself afterwards as to whether you 'did or didn't', DESPITE any OBJECTIONS she may be relating to you! :wink:

Best wishes for success! :wink:

 

[Anonymous]

Hi anonymous person

Great advice!!! Thanks! And I think guys are the same.

Hmm...
I doubt it's the same guest - a guest won't stay here that long (a month).
So who is this anonymous person... OH! Oh! OH! EVERY ONE LOOK!!! IT'S 'OCDme' FROM SPW!!!!!
If I'm wrong just ignore this joke. LOL

 

[Anonymous]

errrrrummm, f-f-f-food store person... .it's very ka-ka-k
cooooooolld in here.... BRRRrrrrrrrrrrrr NIP! c-c-ccould you purrrrrlezzzzze turn down the f-f-f-f-f-f-f-ffreeeeeezers???? and if your not ICE..... welll, then.... I AM!! And if U R Ice.... I just love this lil' freezin' icon!! Yer rite, it does LOOK COLD!! oops.. I mean LOL

Hey!!! :? (confused icon looks like it's eatin "Sour Bite Babies" to me!) Wearz that thar rule sayin guests can't stick around?? Dagnabbit!! I already hung ma hat here....... straaaaaaanger!!

 

[Ice]

Hi

Yep I went to the food store yesterday. :lol: :lol:
It was cold there so I couldn't understand the conversation. (It was foggy so I couldn't see either) But I heard someone say "sweetie" so I instantly knows... But how did that person know it was me though. :? Oh and I bought something but I don't know what it is :? - can't see... :? But it tastes pretty sour. :? Still have no Idea what it is. :?

 

[Anonymous]

& a partridge in a pear tree ...As well as others.... multiple personalities, what can I say? However... it's appears they were not as 'multiple' as I assumed, considering someone picked up one, or two, or maybe eeeeven three..... :lol:

ROFL!! You may be ICZZZY, :lol: :lol: :lol: Ice :lol: :lol: :lol: .... but you are FUN & funny, too! :wink:

How did I know it was you ICE MAN? Truthfully? I didn't know for certain.... at first, the whites of my very enlagared eyes were lighting up the room.... THEN...there was a mooshy spot on my desk chair, eeeeeeeULK! It was scarey as -ell! :twisted: It WAS as if someone was looking right at me! After I cleaned up the mess, :wink: I started thinking.... (in rare instances, this event does occur, and if I stay calm while doing so, I will manage to get through the entire process without setting off the smoke alarm!) I thought... WHO could have sussed me out so well? Hmmmmm, I lit up my long stemmed pipe and put on my lil' beanie... that always helps... I thought of a thread where I have spent more time than usual lately, and there were a few people that could have been the food store person... but I had a hunch you were of the male species, which eliminated Scardecat,,, and certainly, it could have been any number of males who read that thread... BUT... I knew it was someone more than just a reader, it was someone with a heart, someone with sensitivty, a eye for detail, and a sense of mystery and humor... that elimated almost everyone I'm familiar with except for two people, persons... bunk it.. POSTERS! Namely, my lil' Buddy~~ Orl B. Toothbrush and :lol: The Ice Man :lol: . Hmmmm. tough call, but I picked you & lady luck was on my side.... OMGawsh..... I hope she sticks around!!

Hey, did you hear the theme song from "Gilligan's Island" playing when I mentioned my "Lil' Buddy" (Orl B. Toothbrush)? lol! Poor Orl, but he KNOWS I am stictly funning with him and I would never purposely offend him! :wink:
I can picture the tiny SP ship capsizing and .... let's put some new words in there...

The OCDme....
Orl B. Tootbrush, too
Icccccce man and his pick....
A movie star wanna-be
The professor and Mari juana
Hereeeee at Social Phob Isle!!!! :wink:


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[Anonymous]

well perhaps i am more conservative, but as a 19 girl, i would say that first, if someone is dressed that way, it isnt necessarily to attract attention, but simply because you feel pretty [and therefore happy with yourself] when you wear flattering clothing...

also it depends on you age... but usually i can wear nice clothes without feeling embarrassed... but if someone who looks down then gets embarassed, well you can see it on their face, and then you get embarassed when usually you would even have thought about it.. so your thing about the folded arms feeling like they dont like you might not be cause they dont like you, but rather cause they feel embarassed as well...

talked about this with my friends, and everyone thinks it is reeeally obvious when someone looks down, so yeah maybe wear dark glasses and get it out of you system? or just figure out a way to do it without feeling bad, because it is only your feeling bad that gets you the bad reaction [unless of course its a full on perv or something gross] ... also i think habits like that [feeling guilty] disappear a bit when you have better self esteem

 

[Anonymous]

It's funny that you say most girls would immediately notice.

I took a girl friend of mine to eat sushi the other day and, instead of trying not to look, I permitted myself to see her whole body instead of just her face. At the end of dinner I would have guessed with 99% certainty that she noticed me looking at more than just her face. We went back to her apartment and I told her about my self-consciousness and I asked her if she noticed anything untoward. She said no she hadn't - and that even if she did notice me looking down, she would draw no conclusions because there is just not enough information here to make anything of.

She said she'd probably notice if I were STARING, but even then, she wouldn't hold it against me until after she asked me to stop and I didn't.

So - maybe "in the heat of the battle," women just don't notice things that they would otherwise expect that they would.

What do you make of this?

What do you mean by "a full on perv"?

 

[Anonymous]

You say:

"if someone is dressed that way, it isnt necessarily to attract attention, but simply because you feel pretty and therefore happy with yourself when you wear flattering clothing."

This doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. If you are wearing a sexy, revealing, or tight shirt because you feel pretty, and it makes you feel confident, you shouldnt be surprised if others think you a look good in that shirt too.

If you like the way you look, why would you hold it against somebody for agreeing with you?

 

[Anonymous]

BIG thumbs up, Confused! VERY WELL ASKED/SAID!

CHEER... CHEEER....CHEER!!!