Dont you just sometimes need someone?

[Anonymous]

Sorry for the stupid topic I just really need to talk. But dont you just sometimes think that you need someone in your life, like a partner. I do but still I cant and that alone is killing me. I really need someone to hold my hand and just love me but I cant find anyone. Sometimes I dream about having someone.. just imaging that if that was my partner how great would everything be.. and then nothing happens and it hurts so much. I wish I could just live a normal life and have someone to share it with.

Anyone else feel the same or am I alone?

Best wishes, and thanks for listening
Jonathan

 

[wistful_dementia]

Of course, I know I would prefer not to be alone right now. But I think us socialphobes need to learn how to balance loving ourselve with avoiding dwelling on our problems too much. That isn't to say that we shouldn't go force ourselves to do social things that we are afraid of though. Back off and relax sometimes when things become too much, never give up, and then get back up and work at ridding yourself of SA.
Yeah, and learn how to accept yourself unconditionally. (speaking for myself also) once we make progress we will find someone real out there. In the past when I was drunk a lot or fit into a particular image I did manage to have girlfriends, but I don't think they ever even bothered to know the true me. It will happen in time and it will be because of love based on a solid foundation, not just image alone. Just my 2 cents.

 

[LilMissTragic]

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones, I have a fiance already. It must be very lonely to not have someone. what have you done to find a gf/BF?

 

[Anonymous]

Wistful_dementia.... I think your 2 cents is great advice and worth a lot more than 2 cents! I'd just like to add that until the right person does come along.... you don't always have to BE alone to FEEL alone. :wink:

 

[Anonymous]

I really don't think this is a stupid topic at all, and I've been wanting to add my 2 cents but I've been avioding it because the LAST thing I want to do is discourage anyone---BUT--- finding someone who truely loves you unconditionally IS wonderful-- so don't ever give up looking for that special person.. but keep in mind, if they aren't the right person, a relationship can be damaging to us as well as to them.

Sometimes when we want something desperately, we fail to see the downsides of it, for instance, if we see a car we could just die for, we think about the car individually, we don't think about the gasoline expense, the costly insurance, the upkeep...

It's the same with desiring companionship... there can be a downside as well. I needed to break an engaement about 2 years ago because my mate could not comprehend what my disorders were 'all about' or how they made me feel, despite many attempts to educate him. I finally agreed to go to his 'family reunion' picnic with him not wanting to disappoint him after a lot of pleading and begging. I won't bore you with the details, but it was one of the worst experiences of my entire life, and it caused me to have an extreme setback in some progress I had made, or, at least I THOUGHT I had made. I disappointed him so many times by not wanting to go into resturants, movies, or with him to his boss's home for dinner & no matter how I tried to explain myself, he just couldn't comprehend. I realiazed that I could never keep life long commintment to him, and I couldn't bear disappointing him over & over again.

So, like Wistful_dementia suggests, & I totally agree with:

((But I think us socialphobes need to learn how to balance loving ourselve with avoiding dwelling on our problems too much. That isn't to say that we shouldn't go force ourselves to do social things that we are afraid of though. Back off and relax sometimes when things become too much, never give up, and then get back up and work at ridding yourself of SA.
Yeah, and learn how to accept yourself unconditionally. (speaking for myself also) once we make progress we will find someone real out there.))

Well Said Wistful!

 

[Yossarian]

I wish I could live a normal life and have someone to share it with too.

 

[Anonymous]

I've given up hope of every finding anyone. I've been this way so long now that I can't remember what it was like to be happy. I would like to someday have someone but I don't think it'll ever happen for me.

 

[Remus]

I'd say I need someone at the moment but not a relationship, more a companion. Suppose its coz I'm going through a bad patch in my life though.I need someone to lean on as I'm not coping as well as I thought.

 

[Hope]

Jonathan - I know the feeling!

One observation - and this is a generalization to be sure - is that (everything else being equal) females with SA appear to find partners more often (and perhaps more easily) than males with SA. This finding is totally unscientific and based solely on my interactions with people with SA.

One would expect the reason to be that the male is traditionally the initiator of relationships. Perhaps something for another thread.

 

[Anonymous]

Shouldn't anyone who is less shy be allowed to be the initiator of the relationship or does that concept shake up the social order and intimidate those who already have it socially easy in their traditional gender roles? Just makes you wonder... how much of how we behave is conditioned by society and how much of it is genuinely biological?

 

[Johnie]

Jonathan - I know the feeling!

One observation - and this is a generalization to be sure - is that (everything else being equal) females with SA appear to find partners more often (and perhaps more easily) than males with SA. This finding is totally unscientific and based solely on my interactions with people with SA.

One would expect the reason to be that the male is traditionally the initiator of relationships. Perhaps something for another thread.

Should not be hard to confirm this with a survey on this forum -

Gender vs. have you ever had a partner?

Would have to accomodate gay people somehow...

Johnie

 

[Anonymous]

you can get an idea of this by a survey on the forum. but it is not a scientific survey... basically the respones would only a small snapshot of the total population, and a biased one at that. But I think jon is probably correct. I still wouldn't mind seeing an informal survey on this site.

 

[Johnie]

I would like to have someone in my life. Not necessarily for romantic reasons, (I've about given up on that), but for practical day to day help when I need it.

For example, I was in the town when my leg gave out. I had to hobble back home as best I could (I do not drive, and have nobody to phone to help me out). In agony.

Is it best to go up to a stranger and say "help me"? Difficult with SA.
Get an ambulance? Not ready a hospital job. OTT.