dysfunctional college grad, feel pathetic

[anxiousnut]

I am not necessarily afraid of going outside, but I very rarely go out and do anything because of social anxiety and the fact that I never feel normal. I never feel comfortable socializing with people and I'm terrified of getting a job. During the four years at college, I probably spent 90% of my time alone in my dorm room.

I graduated from college last spring with flying colors, but I am still stagnate and have not even put serious effort into getting a "real job". My anxiety causes me to make myself look stupid when I try to do anything around others, take instructions, multi-task, etc. I'm not exaggerating, I got a job at a little restaurant as a server, and I got so flustered I couldn't even function. I only lasted 2 weeks.

I sit at home all day, usually watching TV or reading, don't really have any friends It makes me feel so pathetic that I don't EVER use my cell phone because I have no one to call.

I live with my parents, and so they see how pathetic I am every day as I sit here with nothing to do and nowhere to go. And then I have to see my siblings going out every night and hanging out with their friends.

Any college graduates feeling as stagnate and lifeless as me? Or anyone else for that matter? Does it embarass you all as much as it does me? Sorry this is so long

 

[Harleyq]

I'm in college now and I have to admit, every day I have to fight off the feeling that I'm wasting my time because even with a degree, I don't have the references or the charisma to land/get past an interview.

Waiting tables is HARD, whether you have SA or not. That's my current job and I've done it for over a year. My first 2 weeks, I really wanted to quit and I went home crying a lot. I still haven't fully gotten the hang of it but I keep it because it's at least something. There is no shame whatsoever in not continuing with that job and I definitely would not be doing it if I had another option without having to quit school. I know people who currently hold higher-ranking jobs, socially, and say that waiting tables was the most difficult job they ever held. So don't beat yourself up over that, it's not a good judgment of your work ethic/office smarts at all. Waiting tables has a different set of skill sets entirely and just because those skill sets don't fit you, doesn't mean you're incapable of holding down a job.

The issue is, nothing's going to happen unless you get out there and try. You've got to at least get yourself out there and apply, even if it's for a menial job position like fast food, so that at least you have a little experience under your belt and you can tell future employers that you've been productive in some way.You might even get lucky and make a friend or two once you landed a job, any job.

 

[Mack_Berserk]

Yes. I'm the kind of person who feels stupid when I try unfamilair things around people. I'm always afraid of looking stupid, I guess. For instance, I really want to take a MMA class, but I don't want to look like an idiot trying to learn... Rediculous, I know.

In relation to your story, I share many of your ummm, difficulties. Except... I haven't yet gone to college.

BUT, I don't exactly let these fears defeat me,

I had a job very similar to a server which I held for about 4 months... It was extremely terrifying, to say in the least, but therapeutic, I admit.

I also work out almost everyday at 24 Fitness (Gym in the U.S., for you internationals), and have been for about a year. I have to force myself to go because I know the exposure is somewhat helpful. I always take my ipod with me and 'zone out', where I then only focus on what I'm doing so I can give it my all. Even with music blaring, it's tough, but I do it to feel normal. It's now a habit of sorts.

As far as your job situation goes, I would advise you to focus on the reason you went to college in the first place and then try to find a job that matches that specific interest. The way I see it, if you're terrified of getting a job, the only way you will actually be motivated to GET one is if you are passionate enough about what you want to do.

Best of luck my friend

 

[Island_chic]

I had a lot of issues in college because i was afraid of asking for help. I never finished my art portfolio. I graduated because i did a horrible speech on s.a.d and thats what saved my butt i think. I also feared getting a job and the interview process. It has been six years since i graduated. I have been thinking strongly lately about continuning my education.

 

[Mack_Berserk]

I had a lot of issues in college because i was afraid of asking for help. I never finished my art portfolio. I graduated because i did a horrible speech on s.a.d and thats what saved my butt i think. I also feared getting a job and the interview process. It has been six years since i graduated. I have been thinking strongly lately about continuning my education.

I can relate on the asking for help thing. I gotta say, speaking up in class IS pretty scary.

That speech must not have been so bad

Continuing ed, huh? GO for it!!!

 

[Tiercel]

Hey, at least you graduated college. In my sophomore year I wasn't interested in anything and seriously questioned what good it was to just go through the motions without passion or conviction. In just over a week I'll be 29, and I have no phone, no life, no motor car. And I live with my parents, too.

As for my life's metaphor, I prefer a sailless ship stuck on a sea with no wind to being "stagnate." Stagnate just sounds like an algae-choked pond with slimy, warm water. And I've never done dirty. Not even as a baby.

 

[DownInAHole]

I understand how your feeling. I just graduated from college in june and I've been looking for a job for a while. Things are looking up, I did get 2 interview last week, so we'll see how that goes... but yea all my friends w/ jobs and in relationships... makes me feel pathetic at times.

 

[Phobologist]

Hey nut,

Yea I am probably more pathetic than you and I am a college graduate. Ive been sitting around at my mom's house for the last 9 months, doing nothing with my time but obsessing over various different interests of mine. I lost my job a month ago so now Im unemployed. I wasted half of my savings and I dont do anything all day but sit on the computer. Im afraid of getting a job. I have one job interview the entire time ive been "looking". No one could like me as I am, with these defects. I feel I should end it. But Im hoping I just can hold until I get some medication. I just cant handle this pathetic suffering anymore, you know. So yea, I know where youre coming from.

 

[iamthenra]

Hey, at least you graduated college. In my sophomore year I wasn't interested in anything and seriously questioned what good it was to just go through the motions without passion or conviction. In just over a week I'll be 29, and I have no phone, no life, no motor car. And I live with my parents, too.

As for my life's metaphor, I prefer a sailless ship stuck on a sea with no wind to being "stagnate." Stagnate just sounds like an algae-choked pond with slimy, warm water. And I've never done dirty. Not even as a baby.

Thanks.... Now you planted this little tune in my head... Haha!

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from this tropic port
Aboard this tiny ship.

The mate was a mighty sailing man,
The skipper brave and sure.
Five passengers set sail that day
For a three hour tour, a three hour tour.

The weather started getting rough,
The tiny ship was tossed,
If not for the courage of the fearless crew
The minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost.

The ship set ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle
With Gilligan
The Skipper too,
The millionaire and his wife,
The movie star
The professor and Mary Ann,
Here on Gilligans Isle.


So this is the talel of the castways,
They're here for a long, long time,
They'll have to make the best of things,
It's an uphill climb.

The first mate and the Skipper too,
Will do their very best,
To make the others comfortable,
In the tropic island nest.

No phone, no lights no motor cars,
Not a single luxury,
Like Robinson Crusoe,
As primative as can be.

So join us here each week my freinds,
You're sure to get a smile,
From seven stranded castways,
Here on "Gilligan's Isle."

 

[Jannah]

I am 21 and in college now, the "social world" of college or lack thereof is taking a toll on me. The classes are going ok. But my depression, SA, and general anxiety makes me think about whether I could survive all of this, I sometimes think of what would I do if I drop out. I don't like being on campus longer than I have to be.

 

[redski]

Hey, at least you graduated college. In my sophomore year I wasn't interested in anything and seriously questioned what good it was to just go through the motions without passion or conviction. In just over a week I'll be 29...

You and I are in the (almost) same boat brother.
PM me and we can talk.

 

[anxiousnut]

"I don't like being on campus longer than I have to be."

I know, I was like that all through college. I went home EVERY weekend, and everyone always thought that was so wierd because most people never wanna go home, but I always liked being home with my family more than being all alone. I always hated looking out my dorm window and seeing kids in big groups laughing, etc...seems like everyone has a social life but you, right??

 

[anxiousnut]

Thanks guys, it's really nice to know i'm not the only one in the world feeling this way!

 

[anxiousnut]

"In my sophomore year I wasn't interested in anything and seriously questioned what good it was to just go through the motions without passion or conviction."

Trust me, I know that dilemma. I never felt like I really gave a damn about college for the right reasons. It was more like an obligation because I was there on full scholarship and the first one in my family to go to college. But the whole time was miserable for me and I procrastinated so much it was ridiculous. I pretty much drudged through every day.

 

[Mack_Berserk]

I am 21 and in college now, the "social world" of college or lack thereof is taking a toll on me. The classes are going ok. But my depression, SA, and general anxiety makes me think about whether I could survive all of this, I sometimes think of what would I do if I drop out. I don't like being on campus longer than I have to be.

Don't drop out. You'll regret it for the rest of your life. The sad truth is, once you begin letting SA dictate important choices, such as whether or not to stay in school, it becomes more and more difficult to stop those fears from running rampant.

I dropped out after a full year of college in the IT field. It was one of the worst decisions I've ever made. I had spent much time dwelling on that mistake...

But I'm going back! For a different field, but nonetheless

 

[Noca]

Ive graduated my first round of college in a pharmacy technology program with a 4.0GPA overall and I still havent got a job. So I'm back at college for another round studying psychology this time.

 

[DillJenkins]

"I don't like being on campus longer than I have to be."

I know, I was like that all through college. I went home EVERY weekend, and everyone always thought that was so wierd because most people never wanna go home, but I always liked being home with my family more than being all alone. I always hated looking out my dorm window and seeing kids in big groups laughing, etc...seems like everyone has a social life but you, right??

Dude...I was the same way in college. Every weekend I would drive home and the others thought this was weird. It is weird unless you have anxiety and dont really feel comfortable living in a dorm.

Anyway, I graduated in May 2008 and I have been housebound since then. It really sucks....even the degree I got (BS in psychology) is worthless. I turned my application in to fast food places and even they wouldnt hire me. College was a giant waste of time and money...If you want to land good job you must know the right people and thats hard with social anxiety. A better use of your money would be to go to some type of class where they teach you to look and act confident for job interviews and such....

I guess I just figured that a college degree in something would prove to others that I am smart and capable. This is NOT the case.....you must have a degree in a specific area to get specific job. Thats just how it works.

I am now planning to go to technical school to be medical transcriptionist. Its perfect job for an agoraphobic social phobe....many of them get to work from home.