Everyone is having sex except me??

[Bronson99]

Now.. if you go in with the intention of 'oh yea, i wanna nail this chick..'
Then women will pick up on that. Women aren't stupid in that sense.
Go in with the intention of being friendly, nothing more.

...which might eventually lead to better things. :thumbup:

 

[Kiwong]

:thumbup: With exercise, go in with the intention of trying to transform yourself physically and mentally, as well as being friendly. People will notice the effort you have put into your transformation and respond accordingly, which may also lead to better things. :thumbup:

 

[awkwardamanda]

The thing is I don't enjoy going to pubs & nightclubs especially but that's the only/most popular place to meet women so I go there to get laid tbh. It just sucks that most people these days spend their friday/saturday nights at a nightclub/pub which I actually dislike cause I dont like dancing or singing but I need to go somewhere to meet women. Where else can I meet women on a friday/saturday night besides bars/nightclubs??

It's probably obvious to the women there that you aren't enjoying yourself. If you look like you're in a bad mood, they aren't likely to approach you.

I even specify on dating sites that I'm not ONLY looking for sex.

This may be part of your problem too. The fact that you're going out of your way to say that is probably off-putting. Women aren't assuming that all the men on dating sites only want sex unless they specify otherwise.

 

[onehandclapping]

Sex is a like car accident, it happens to other people.

and when you pass it happening in the street ,you can't help but stare.

 

[Odo]

The thing is I'm not only interested in sexual relationships I'm interested in love too whether it's a serious/long term relationship or a casual short term relationship. I even specify on dating sites that I'm not ONLY looking for sex. I'm looking for anything tbh whether its a life partner for a long term relationship or a FWB/one night stand.

Saying you're not ONLY looking for sex still implies that you expect them to put out, which is actually pretty forward.

I would imagine that asking for sex and romance is probably worse than just asking for sex. You're going to put off the people looking for something casual, as they'll assume you're going to get clingy... and you're going to put off the people looking for a relationship as all they're going to see is that you expect to get laid.

I don't know how successful you're going to be with a non-gay-man profile that says you just want sex, but if you do go that route then you should probably be sure that you can really have sex with someone and then not get attached-- some people are wired that way, but I would say most aren't... and if the real sex-seekers pick up on you being anything less than completely NSA they're going to be put off. I suppose some won't care, but we're talking about damaged people here. I say that just because I can't imagine that a psychologically healthy person would be able to jump from partner to partner and feel good about themselves.

If you are looking for a relationship, then don't talk about sex and emphasize your other qualities in a way that people can relate to. No one is going to say 'Oh look! He likes sex and so do I! We must be made for each other!'. Market yourself (and online dating is marketing) as someone approachable and worthwhile and the sex part will come when you find someone you click with.

Being preoccupied with who is getting laid/not getting laid yourself is only going to push potential partners away.

 

[Megaten]

Maybe Im being naive, but I think the number of people participating in group sex might be in the minority >.<

Also you'd probably have a better chance at getting a steady gf over hooking up for the weekend. The guys that are able to do this are probably very good looking men. If you look like Chris Hemsworth and happen to be outgoing and funny then yeah convincing random strangers into your lovepad is probably an easy task. As for us average Joes though, not so much.

 

[Bronson99]

Maybe Im being naive, but I think the number of people participating in group sex might be in the minority >.<

Also you'd probably have a better chance at getting a steady gf over hooking up for the weekend. The guys that are able to do this are probably very good looking men. If you look like Chris Hemsworth and happen to be outgoing and funny then yeah convincing random strangers into your lovepad is probably an easy task. As for us average Joes though, not so much.

Incorrect. It happens all the time. You do need confidence, though.

 

[Bronson99]

Saying you're not ONLY looking for sex still implies that you expect them to put out, which is actually pretty forward.

I would imagine that asking for sex and romance is probably worse than just asking for sex. You're going to put off the people looking for something casual, as they'll assume you're going to get clingy... and you're going to put off the people looking for a relationship as all they're going to see is that you expect to get laid.

I don't know how successful you're going to be with a non-gay-man profile that says you just want sex, but if you do go that route then you should probably be sure that you can really have sex with someone and then not get attached-- some people are wired that way, but I would say most aren't... and if the real sex-seekers pick up on you being anything less than completely NSA they're going to be put off. I suppose some won't care, but we're talking about damaged people here. I say that just because I can't imagine that a psychologically healthy person would be able to jump from partner to partner and feel good about themselves.

You're just making it more complex than it needs to be. It's not a black and white issue as you suggest here. There are people who prefer serious relationships but may occasionally want something steamy and fun; and there are those mostly looking for something steamy and fun, but who would not rule out a serious relationship.

It's not so black and white, man. There's women out there who will want to hook up with the OP, and there's some that would only want a serious relationship with the OP before they get into bed. But there's also some overlap.

Of course this won't just fall into his lap. He'll have to look his best and improve his social confidence. Once he does that, he'll be able to get what he's looking for. :thumbup:

 

[Odo]

It's not so black and white, man. There's women out there who will want to hook up with the OP, and there's some that would only want a serious relationship with the OP before they get into bed. But there's also some overlap.

My point was that I'm not sure women want to read that someone is expecting to have sex, not that there aren't all kinds of relationships.

I mean, unless you're dating someone religious or who states upfront that they're saving themselves for marriage, then chances are sex is going to be involved. Coming out and saying it just seems really clumsy to me... like you don't know how to talk to people.

 

[Kiwong]

If group sex, one night stands, and orgies is what anyone is looking for it sounds like a horribly empty existence to me.

 

[Megaten]

Incorrect. It happens all the time. You do need confidence, though.

Seriously? How do you know this exactly? The only time I saw this happening was when I was in the military dorms and people kinda lost their minds, but Ive never actually spoken to any honest men about how much that happens with them at clubs and bars.

 

[Megaten]

If group sex, one night stands, and orgies is what anyone is looking for it sounds like a horribly empty existence to me.

Eh I suppose if thats what they find fun then its not empty to them per say. Everyone kinda chases some kind of high to get them through life, for me its games and learning. For some its success, money, religion, fame, love, knowledge, power, sex etc.

 

[Bronson99]

My point was that I'm not sure women want to read that someone is expecting to have sex, not that there aren't all kinds of relationships.

I mean, unless you're dating someone religious or who states upfront that they're saving themselves for marriage, then chances are sex is going to be involved. Coming out and saying it just seems really clumsy to me... like you don't know how to talk to people.

Agreed, in that case :thumbup:

 

[Bronson99]

Seriously? How do you know this exactly? The only time I saw this happening was when I was in the military dorms and people kinda lost their minds, but Ive never actually spoken to any honest men about how much that happens with them at clubs and bars.

I wouldn't say it happens "very often" with men who are relatively average in most ways, but it does still happen sometimes, and that's what counts.

My friend's cousin is my height at only 5'9" (basically short in the USA), has no college education, he doesn't have a huge bank account, he's on the thin side, and his looks are nothing even remotely close to "Chris Hemsworth" or whatever your example was. He's not ugly, but he's far from amazing. And yet I'm aware he's had many, many partners, including many hook-ups from bars and clubs. His only secret, well maybe 2 secrets: extroverted and confident.

But your example that you need to be 6'5" and have celebrity-quality looks to hook up is way off the mark. You need confidence.. the other things count as well, but not as much.

 

[Megaten]

You need confidence.. the other things count as well, but not as much.

Yeah confidence almost always looks sexy on males. Now the question is how to get that when you have little. Oh well.