Everyone who befriends me turns out to be dodgy or weird

[Toomuchfear]

I'm a friendly, warm guy who suffers from anxiety in situations where I have to talk and socialise with others, and who struggles to get into conversation and make friends. I don't commit crimes, I'm nice to everyone I meet, but I'm lonely.
Sometimes people give me a chance and want to be my friend. But now, I'm starting to feel a complete loser who is only desired by the dregs of society

First there was Jess who I met though work. She invited me to go to a drink, she said she was lonely. She always wanted me to come and see her, it felt nice to have someone want my company. She turned out to be an alcoholic criminal who robbed and hit people, was very insecure with herself, and cheated on her partner frequently.

Then there was Aron. He was very friendly, always came to see me where I worked and liked to organise stuff to do together. He turned out to be a compulsive liar, who pretended to have a job and was revealed to be a very sleazy character, which I don't want to talk about.

I also knew Charlie from college. He seemed OK, although he talked a bit too much I couldn't get a word in edgeways. We went to some bars together and wanted me involved in his life. He moved in with a nice, but insecure woman he didn't get on with, he wanted a 'friends' style flatmate and asked too much from her. Suddenly he became a really angry person and exhibited psychotic behaviour, throwing furniture around, texting her death threats and making her life hell

And then theres Ben, who I've known since school but I rarely see. I was around his house recently and he started playing with himself whilst I was in the room.

I want to scream, I hate being associated with any of these weirdos. I may be a little different but I just want some normal friends. Is it so much to ask?

 

[CosmicNeurotica]

Sounds like normal people to me. Maybe you're the weirdo?

Everyone has problems, just in very different ways. I know what you mean though, it's going to take time to meet the "right" type of people. But I'm not so sure there really is such a thing as a perfect friend or relationship.
If there is, good luck finding it.

Also, maybe try looking for friends in places that are more suited to your interests and conditions. That should help some in that category.

 

[Toomuchfear]

Thanks. I am just the victim of unpopularity.

I am not looking for perfection, I'm a just looking for someone who is not immoral, is reasonably honest and abides the law.

 

[IGotSeoul]

we all have our demons.

Also, maybe try looking for friends in places that are more suited to your interests and conditions. That should help some in that category.

I'd have to second this too, good idea.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

I am not looking for perfection, I'm a just looking for someone who is not immoral, is reasonably honest and abides the law.

I'm not sure exactly where you're setting your standard at, but I would have to agree about preferring to avoid people who would masturbate in front of me or throw furniture around.

It sounds like the problem might be one of being able to judge people's character, which is an intuitive skill that only experience can really help with--something sadly lacking in many of us social phobic types.

 

[Danfalc]

Sounds like normal people to me. Maybe you're the weirdo?

You think people playing with themselves in front of you is "normal"?? And maybe I'm over reacting but I think it was a little insensitive to suggest to someone on a site like this that they are the weirdo.

@Toomuchfear. Despite what I have said above, I agree with what has already been said mostly. I don't think there is such a thing as normal, we are all unique with our flaws and traits.

But I don't think your being fussy or unreasonable. It's good you know what you are prepared to tolerate from people. I think some people maybe mistake your kindness and laid back nature for weakness and being passive, hence why they feel comfortable showing their darker sides.

But you sound like a nice person, I think with time you will meet good people.

 

[CosmicNeurotica]

Thanks. I am just the victim of unpopularity.

I am not looking for perfection, I'm a just looking for someone who is not immoral, is reasonably honest and abides the law.

Maybe you're being too narrow about it. Isn't love all that matters?
I mean I'm a good guy. I have a big heart (I wear it on my shoulder too much), but I still smoke, drink, have done drugs, stole a few things, and probably have lots of disorders. That doesn't make me a bad person. I'm not even sure what you mean by immoral, that is only a definition you create.
There's some people you may not want to associate with, which is fine, I don't like many people myself..
but those people are usually arrogant, narcissistic, think they are better just because they are more successful, or ones I like to call douchebags.

But try getting on the level of the other person having the problem. Liars, cheats, abusive, psychological, psychotic, emotional, bi-polar, underneath you'll see most are still good people.
I know sometimes connecting with them might feel like a lot of work that you don't care to do, and would much rather just meet someone who is already on the same level as you, but in my experience I've found that rather hard.
As well, I've found people who are as warm-hearted as I am, tend to live either religious, or just have a very different look on life than I do.

So in the end, finding someone you are compatible with is not easy at all. That's why sometimes you have to really broaden your horizons. The more people you can learn to accept, the better off you'll be anyway.

 

[CosmicNeurotica]

You think people playing with themselves in front of you is "normal"?? And maybe I'm over reacting but I think it was a little insensitive to suggest to someone on a site like this that they are the weirdo.

I didn't mean it to be insensitive, it was more philosophical.
In regards to the masturbating, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFkOvhOQoVc

The most dysfunction people usually lead to the best comedy anyway.

I like Toomuchfear. We've talked before. He's a good guy. I don't mean any harm in what I say.

 

[Toomuchfear]

Thanks for all your feedback guys. I admit I have a weird side too, but not as weird as others I have met.

They seems to be a debate over the definition of normal, what I'm trying to say is, I don't mind people who have disabilities or a bit weird, It's just when people to do things that make feel uncomfortable or threatened that I don't like

My desperation to make friends, the desire to be accepted is what is drawing me to be friends with anybody, regardless of their dark sides.

 

[Danfalc]

I didn't mean it to be insensitive, it was more philosophical.

The most dysfunction people usually lead to the best comedy anyway.

I like Toomuchfear. We've talked before. He's a good guy. I don't mean any harm in what I say.

Okay, sorry for jumping down your throat then dude, my bad.

As for the masturbation thing, I am pretty open minded, but big difference between accidentally walking in on someone, and them feeling like it's ok to do it in front of you 0.o Idk just gives me a bad vibe.

But lol at the video.

 

[CosmicNeurotica]

My desperation to make friends, the desire to be accepted is what is drawing me to be friends with anybody, regardless of their dark sides.

That's what led me there too, but it turns out to be a good thing because you get to know people you otherwise may have never met and disregarded. It makes you more lighthearted and forgiving. I think sense of humor is a big part of it too. You can laugh off just about anything. Make the darkest of people laugh at something, and you're connecting with them.
Unless that person just has absolutely no sense of humor and finds YOU offensive, I'd run out of fear of my life.

 

[krs2snow]

We draw those into our lives and are attracted to pple that are most like us. Don't be foolish enough to think that all the pple u mentioned & got to know and became friends with are just in your life b-cuz they instigated the friendship. Obviouosly, something about them felt less intimidating to you and so you forged a relationship w/them. What ur current friends are telling u, according to ur own posts, is that u feel badly about ur life and ur choices and what kind of person u are based on the type of pple u are associating with. ALL of this is whithin ur control and completely due to Your OWn CHoices. The "friends" u've spoken of confront ur own beliefs of where u really are vs where u want to be. Change urself = change ur life and surroundings. These friends u mention did not just Happen to u. U chose them. Start by accepting that fact. UR not a victim. UR an active participant in ur own life. And u make the choices that influence ur own life. Then, u just have to acknowledge that "these pple's" friendship has taught u a lot about ur own life and choices. Now, for the hard part. Start living ur life on ur own terms. Tell ur "friends" when they're behaviour is offensive to U . STAND UP for ur own beliefs. The "Victim of unpopularity"? No. Thats a cop-out.

 

[krs2snow]

I Find it interesting that there have been no responses to the post above. Not even from the OP. This is just an interesting fact for me. A fact about this site. It seems to me like everyone here wants to bitch about how sorry things are for them but want NOTHING to do with owning responsability for their own actions and lives. Everyone posts when they want to express understanding. "AW! Sorry u went thru that!" and "People dont understand where We're coming from". ETc. ETc. Great to an extent. But what about accepting and acknowledging ownership and responsability for the way things are in your life.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

It seems from your post they approached you first.. try approaching someone that you find interesting instead? .. kinda know what you mean though.. there's this friend i made when i went to las vegas one summer and at first i thought he was cool and honest but he only talks about sex in detail 24/7 and complains about his job....i feel like my brain melts when i talk to him. We live far from eachother but i get an email everyday from him and i just want to block him but would feel bad since we've been in contact for 5 years.. :/

 

[krs2snow]

It seems from your post they approached you first.. try approaching someone that you find interesting instead? .. kinda know what you mean though.. there's this friend i made when i went to las vegas one summer and at first i thought he was cool and honest but he only talks about sex in detail 24/7 and complains about his job....i feel like my brain melts when i talk to him. We live far from eachother but i get an email everyday from him and i just want to block him but would feel bad since we've been in contact for 5 years.. :/

What would a confident person do in ur scenario? Keep talking to a person they found distasteful? Hardly. A confident person would speak their mind and tell the other person what they disliked. You don't have to blatentaly say "I don't like you". But tell this guy that U don't like e-mailing anymore. U feel like "Ur'e brain is melting" when u read his e-mails. Be as honest as u can be and try not to be hurtful. The point is decide what u want. Make a stand for urself. OR, continue to e-mail this dude u don't care about for the next five yrs (plus) and then complain about it on here....

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

What would a confident person do in ur scenario? Keep talking to a person they found distasteful? Hardly. A confident person would speak their mind and tell the other person what they disliked. You don't have to blatentaly say "I don't like you". But tell this guy that U don't like e-mailing anymore. U feel like "Ur'e brain is melting" when u read his e-mails. Be as honest as u can be and try not to be hurtful. The point is decide what u want. Make a stand for urself. OR, continue to e-mail this dude u don't care about for the next five yrs (plus) and then complain about it on here....

Yeah I agree with this. It's just once in a while i like talk to him still, but not everyday.... so it's annoying right now

 

[JamesSmith]

I totally see where you are coming from. I've had some friends that were really bad, two of them stole my car for couple nights, one of them stole my cell phone (one of those guys did both, and I've avoided him after i turned the cell phone off and got my car back). Then I've just had friends treat me like dirt, just insult me left and right.

I took a long break from them and gave them time to mature. I've heard they are doing much better now.

 

[Hastings & Main]

I remember once - a looong time back - I was in some social situation, completely out of my element. My head was getting a bit screwy, but not in an anxiety-way, but more like the opposite. This rarely happens. Anyways, I played confident, acting like I was completely secure in everything, essentially really 'acting' a part. I had a bit too much self-esteem going, really.

I attracted a few others over to me. I didn't seek anyone out, it was just my attitude and fake demeanor that had people coming up to me. I fake-talked about sports and all the other stuff (completely forget by now, it was so long ago), and was getting along great. But I didn't want to be. It was, basically, an experiment on my part, really just having a laugh and seeing where I could go.

As time wore on - I was only there for a couple hours - I had enough and slowly let the 'real' me out: introverted, not knowing what to say, so pretty much silent, straight-faced, awkward... you know. The couple guys I was with just got a little weirded out and made an excuse to leave, going off to join another group.

As for my real self, when I go out to events, I always attract the strange ones. Bad people? No. Awkward, strange habits, the last-picked, the outcasts. No judgement here, they're the type I naturally attract.
When I displayed confidence and a go-getter attitude in the above scene, I attracted only those people.