Exposure failure

[Vincent]

Another burning question:
8O

By the way, thanku to all those that replied to my prior rants, I'm very impressed by the level of writing and the sophistication of ideas here, I think that we, with social anxiety, are probably more articulate and more self aware than otherwise, a gift of sorts.

Anyway, I'll try to get to the point...since I got diagonosed with social phobia three years back, I tried unsuccessfully to treat it as a phobia on my own. I tried to expose myself to my fear, tortured myself every weekend working in a bar as a glass hand, but that didn't help me. Then I came to Taiwan, (where I am now) to try and teach English to kids; phase two of the exposure, before aiming to take on teaching adults. It has been an unqualified failure. Well, not totally, cos its a personal achievement and all that, but it hasn't made socialising any easier, nor lessened my anxiety. I have much more anxiety now, every morning I wake up and start worrying about teaching. I consider it a huge responsibility. As I see it, if I have twelve students in my class (the average size), then one hour of my life equals twelves hours of others' plus I get paid for it. I take it too seriously perhaps, I don't know. I mean, lately I've become aware that being a perfectionist makes my expectations unrealistic, however, there has to be some middle ground. If I feel as though a class went badly, then perhaps its too easy to just say "its just my perfectionism that makes me feel bad about it". Something else is that, preparing for class, dramatically increases anticipatory anxiety. So I don't do it. Even if I get to my school early to prepare, then I feel rude if I don't make an effort to talk with Taiwanese teachers or foreign teachers right up until the time that the classes start, and even if I didn't I wouldn't be able to concentrate knowing that, my very presence is causing an impression. So then I think, if they can have an impression of me even if I am being neutral, then why worry? But I still do,...everytime.

I'm going off on a tangent again, something that I didn't want to do, but I don't want to go back and erase what I've written because perhaps someone will find it useful or interesting to read about what its like to be a ESL Teacher with SA. My point: teaching is exposure for me, but it hasnt cured or helped my SA much. I found out today why; because, as a teacher you have a role. There are general expectations and a job description that go with it. It's not totally comprehensive, but it is alot more than say if you go to a party, and you are just there to socialise, that is, there is no character or role to fill except that of being yourself. Who the hell is that? I still don't know, for me, I imagine everyone that knows me must think I'm bipolar or schizophrenic as I try to assume different personalities in an attempt to fit in or allieviate anxiety. Often I do this by trying to imitate socially successful friends that I am in close contact with. It never works. But anyway, as I say, it seems exposure doesn't work, and even if you can get comfortable with public speaking or a certain job, it is of little use in a purely social forum. You must have the right cognitions first Im guessing/researching.

Has anyone had similar experiences or insights from attempts to self help with exposure?

Is it true that results can be obtained with cognitive therapy and then exposure?

Many thanks to everyone on this site, the creators, contributors and members. Knowing you and your courage makes me see the strengths within myself.



Vincent

 

[IcanDoIt]

"Is it true that results can be obtained with cognitive therapy and then exposure?"

it works..at least for me..

it might take super human effort to implement, the amount of dedication and motivation is god damn huge, and to constantly remind yourself to be positive at all cost..

i was like you too, tried and tried, but found out it did not work..

but i told myself one day, enough was enough..

i tried meds, then i did not use it again..i stopped..

i tried other methods instead..

i searched for techniques could help me relax, and agian and again, i was disappointed, cos it did not work..

but i just could not give up, i persisted..

 

[black_mamba]

Has anyone had similar experiences or insights from attempts to self help with exposure?

Is it true that results can be obtained with cognitive therapy and then exposure?

I think if you fall into the catagory of SP sufferers who improve with exposure therapy the problem lies with the body and not with the mind. I see socialising as a skill we develop and build on throughout our lives. Practising through exposure works for the same reasons it would for any other skill.

However if you feel that constantly exposing yourself to unwanted situations does more harm than good, the problem may be one of the mind - a change in thinking patterns is required. This is why it would helpful to seek guidance via a counsellor first.

Obviously the distinction is blurred and most will suffer from a mixture of lack of experience in social situations and a negative frame of mind. Both of which cannot be improved without the other.

Exposure works for me to an extent...especially exposure to children. I find their bluntless and honesty refreshing. Plus they're loads of fun and we can giggle together about sticking bubble gum on the teacher's butt. :wink:

 

[ColdFury]

Exposure does not always work and in fact it can make phobias even worse.

 

[Nightshade]

Working unguided on my problems, without knowing what they were, I always exposed myself to frightening situations. I just kept trying. In some cases this helped, and I overcame the fears to some extent. Other problems got progressively worse no matter what I seemed to try.

From what I have read, and this is backed up by my experiences, exposure makes things worse if you are thinking in a certain way and relying on safety behaviours a lot. Exposure really only helps if you can identify the problem thought patterns and safety behaviours first.

I also couldn't seem to make much progress until I let go of the idea that I was a useless, horrible and generally worthless person because my social skills weren't as good as a lot of other people's. That's kind of another story, but remains one of the most important changes I ever made in my life.

Vincent, it really helped me to read CBT books, for example "Overcoming social anxiety and shyness" by Gillian Butler (I know I've mentioned this book several times before here but I liked it and it really helped me). This book explained to me really well why exposure is unlikely to help without other changes taking place. You might find this interesting and useful.

As to the difference between teaching and pure social interaction - I quite agree. I actually have less than average anxiety in public performance situations (eg giving a speech or lecture), although teaching is more frightening I think because students can make all sorts of unpredictable comments. Still, achievement gives you confidence - or it should - so it may be a help that way...

 

[IcanDoIt]

Exposure does not always work and in fact it can make phobias even worse.

like u, i also had my fair share of failures..

yes it can make it worse if u integrate it with the wrong techniques...

 

[Fighter86]

I think exposure therapy is pretty much a must if u want to get better. But I agree with the others that sometimes, it could make things worse. I guess its a 2 edged sword.

I have tried exposure therapy, but haven had much success I would say