Fear of being happy, and worrying

[Sacrament]

Hey guys, haven't been here a while.

So here's what's been troubling me as of late: I suffer from anxiety. My life experiences, since childhood, have not been the best. I was bullied from 1st grade through 9th grade, got in relationships where I dedicated myself fully and things didn't go as planned, and have always been self-conscious about certain things (face getting red easily from flushing or blushing, paranoid with my teeth, being a few pounds overweight and striving for unachievable levels of supposed perfection, disliking my eyebrows etc [I probably suffer from BDD to a certain level). This hinders many things for me. I feel uneasy with others, I have trouble accepting good things, I am afraid of the world (not in the sense where I'm afraid to leave the house, but in the sense that I'm always on alert, afraid that something bad will happen just around the corner, and not necessarily to me, but to those I love), and I am especially afraid of being happy. All of this also makes me avoid certain situations, and it makes me feel like I'm not enough, and thus don't deserve the things I do have.

I have a job, I have a girlfriend who loves me, and I have good health if I don't think about my anxiety issues. Because the relationship is just a few months old, and considering how 95% of the relationships I've had in the past had their own special ways of going wrong, including a 3 year relationship where the other person cheated (she told me, but only after quite a while), and a 7 month 'relationship' where I was told that it would be "the biggest mistake of my life" if that person didn't stay with me, but they were too weak to stay.

What I'm trying to get to is this: we can't live in anxiety forever, no matter how messed up things have been in the past. So, how do I stop worrying? How do I flip the switch or take the necessary steps to be able to do it? How do I wake up, take a deep breath, think of all the positive possibilities (instead of focusing on every worst case scenario for every situation) a day has to offer, and accept my fears as unlikely things? How do you turn sour into sweet? How do you flip things around and become able to fight for the things you want and need with discipline and focus, instead of the urge not to do anything because you will lose them anyway? Basically, how do you take that leap of faith into becoming an optimistic, a person who welcomes the world as a beautiful thing and stops fearing it so much?

What has helped you?

 

[Sacrament]

Whoa guys, no need to reply all at once, I can't even keep up.

 

[Silatuyok]

Positive thinking is kind of like a muscle. You have to work it out, every day, adding a little more weight or distance every time, until you reach your goal. Interrupting your negative thought patterns is a good start. Doing good/healthy things for yourself. Practicing "being in the moment." Keeping a gratitude journal. Writing in general is a great way to acknowledge your subconscious and give it a voice. I quit drinking caffeine, which actually helped a lot. You have to be self-aware and learn your own triggers and how to cope with those triggers. Face the things that cause you fear, starting with little baby steps and working your way up.
Good luck!

 

[Sacrament]

Now that's what I'm talking about. Good post! I've been slowly trying to teach myself the law of averages, and to focus on what is, instead of all the worst case scenarios my mind can conjure up. It's not easy, especially given how much of a perfeccionist I am, and how easily I 'give up' when something doesn't go my way at first, or if I don't see immediate results. I've been trying to practice tweaking my thoughts and turning them into positive things when situations arise where I'd usually let all the negativity take over, just to teach all those processes to my own mind and let them stick around.

 

[Silatuyok]

I'm the same way about giving up when I try something new and I'm not immediately awesome at it. I never thought of that as a part of negative thinking before, but it makes sense. I'll have to try sticking with learning something new as a new exercise in positive thinking.

 

[Sacrament]

Awesomesauce!

 

[Kiwong]

Sacrament, I'm not sure you ever stop worrying, you can start worrying less. Take the edge of your anxiety, turn down the volume on your worrying thoughts. You listen more to the helpful voice in your mind, if only to acknowledge that it is there first, then you try to tune more to that frequency. Do stuff that takes you out of your thought stream for a while. Meditation, exercise.

You will fight if you are desperate enough out of necessity that is my experience. Fix a dream or two in your mind, stick them as a screen save on your computer I will......... Then take steps towards it, you've got to act on them.

 

[HexNoir]

I personally believe it goes way beyond simple positivity & finding your inner balance, although both of those are always helpful. I think it has more to do with getting out of your own head, which isn't always easy, either. Having a girlfriend / wife to occupy your spare time with is extremely helpful, but if you lean too hard on someone else, it's a slippery slope. People break up / get divorced / die, etc.

The best of both worlds would be (imo) a combination of staying busy, and really zoning out / meditating / practicing positive affirmations (or something similar) every day. Just like with a new exercise routine, it's so much easier said than done. But for all I know, none of this applies to you and I'm way off .

 

[Sacrament]

Thanks for the posts!