Feel guilty over past my internet life..

[NotAfraidJustBlah]

Hey. Well I'm a bit older now, in my thirties. I went online a lot back in the 90's when I was in my younger days, using it to 'hook up' and all that. I must of met like anywhere from 50-70 people.. (girls), but it wasn't all creepy or sketchy. Some I became friends, some still to this day. But I did 'hook up' with maybe 10-15..

I actually should not feel bad. Most became genuine dates or relationships, no different than anyone else does by going out to clubs or just being overly outgoing for a while.

But I feel bad that it was all online, and I sorta left some of them in the dust. Not respond to their emails after, etc..

It's become a guilt, and now I can't go online and meet anyone. If I do, I intentionally make myself seem boring or awkawrd, I think because I feel like if I act too "interesting or fun or funny" I feel I'm still pulling games like I used to...

Anyway, what do u guys think. Guess I just wanna hear what you think about that....

 

[anxiety1408]

I think you should find yourself one girl tbh, when I read this thread I thought you were a guy version of a slut (ive read that its better to be truthful than nice when your trying to help so I;ll do it this way). Okay as far as advice goes, get over the guilt. simple. You sound like you have met ALOT of people be it through the internet or not, you do realise alot of people suffering from SA will be reluctant on meeting even one person, yet you are feeling guilty through meeting alot online hmm.. there's more things to worry about than that my friend, maybe you should start appreciating it that you really got to know quite a bit of people. And always accept the now, think positive.

 

[Aletheia]

I think you should find yourself whatever love life works for you (so long as you don't hurt anyone). And hooking up with 10-15 people over the course of a decade is hardly manslutting.

What aspect of it makes you feel guilty? The way you met them? Or the way you left them? Does it have to be a pattern?

 

[antihistamine]

I'd like to forgive but I don't know what to forgive you for...more details please

 

[NotAfraidJustBlah]

I think you should find yourself whatever love life works for you (so long as you don't hurt anyone). And hooking up with 10-15 people over the course of a decade is hardly manslutting.

What aspect of it makes you feel guilty? The way you met them? Or the way you left them? Does it have to be a pattern?

Well it was over a few years I met them. I mean there were like that many who I slept with then the next day was like, ignoring them.. basically, I feel guilty cause I kinda got away with it.

The reason I don't go online now is I'm giving myself a sorta punishment I guess.. like I feel I was lured by the fact at that time, I could go online and sorta be the one scooping them up.

After that I just stopped meeting people online. My real guilt?? Cause I'm super shy in real life STILL, but online I became someone else.. all mr. cool, mr. slick... And when I think about other guys who try to be like this.. you know I don't think highly of them.

 

[MikeyC]

This is a tough one. I can understand why you feel guilty about it.

Did you ask the girls to meet up with you? Did you imply what was going to happen? For example, when you were planning to meet up with a girl, did you say it was for a one-night-stand? Because if you did, there's nothing really to feel guilty about. You put your intentions out there and you got responses.

 

[MikeyC]

I meant in just a few years that I was active online.. and that my guilt was because I felt I "used" them.

Isn't there a thing where some men (and women) go from fling to fling when they're young? Kind of like "getting it out of your system" before you finally decide you want to settle down? I know it's not a characteristic of everyone but that could be what you did.

Of course, it probably doesn't alleviate the guilt you feel but it could provide an explanation.

 

[Aletheia]

I could go online and sorta be the one scooping them up.

As Mikey says, there are people out there looking to be scooped. Not my area of expertise, but I'm aware that there are websites dedicated to facilitating no-strings casual sex. No harm, no foul.

Is that what you were after? Do you feel that your partners were after more than this and that you treated them badly? Or do you feel bad for having casual sex in the first place?

And when I think about other guys who try to be like this.. you know I don't think highly of them.

How would you like to be around women, ideally?

 

[Aletheia]

Kind of like "getting it out of your system" before you finally decide you want to settle down?

Sowing your wild oats. It's not at all uncommon, and plenty of people go on from that to having solid committed relationships.

 

[theslowesthand]

Seriously, everyone's gonna use this as a sign i'm crazy now

Not at all, friend. "Conflicts" do happen from time to time even on socialphobiaworld, a place of "support". People are people, and each have their own unique set of beliefs, past experiences, "buttons", personality attributes/flaws, etc, etc.
You just have managed to push each others buttons, and triggered a bit of anger. Its not "deliberate", but just the way each of you are.

I must admit, when i first read your post, the general impression i got was that you were more of a "normal" person (sociable, lives life, gets out in the world, etc). But everybody's a unique, complex individual, so i too have now banished this view for now.

Please feel free to continue...

 

[coyote]

MODERATOR NOTE: trolling, flaming, and personally attacking one another - and working around the swear filter - are not allowed on this forum. It doesn't matter who started it.

 

[antihistamine]

I wasn't trolling. I just coudn't work out why the OP came on to a social phobia forum to tell us his dating history using the internet.
Seek forgiveness from us? Why ? It's nothing to do with us. We are here to support people with social phobia not help people feel better about themselves because they've lost their self-respect thru picking up girls on the net.
OP..it's between you and your maker....I suggest some prayers might help if you are that way inclined.

 

[thor01]

50-70? haha. Thats good. I haven't even been able to do that with 1. And not through my own reluctance but just the ones I like not being interested.

I agree that if you didn't imply it would be propper "relationships" you shouldnt have to feel guilty.