Feeling like a child

[twist3d]

I saw the movie Black Swan a while ago. Great movie but what really struck with me was how the protagonist was like 28 and had no real life experiences, hadn't dated, didn't even have friends. She just did ballet and still lived with her mother. The m om was super protective and I guess it was largely her fault her daughter turned out that way.

Now I don't have overprotective parents, actually opposite, but I'm guessing many people here might.

The point is, I'm starting to realize more and more that I'm just like a child. I have not matured since I was about 14... Actually, I think that in many ways I've gotten worse, I used to be a lot less shy and passive.

Anyway, I'm 19 and in couple months will be 20. It's a huge deal to me because I always thought that by age of 20 it would be different. Nothing is going to change.

So many people are already having children, graduating from school, starting a career, traveling around the world etc.

I have done NOTHING in my life. I have achieved NOTHING.
I have no education.
I have only been in two very short jobs.
I am unemployed.
I have never had a boyfriend.
I have no friends.
I have no hobbies.
I have no direction in life.

I'm basically just waiting for death. I haven't told my parents I quit another school months ago. They are happy that I'm finally getting something done. Only reason I haven't killed myself is because I can't stand the idea of disappointing them AGAIN.

I've missed so many experiences that should come naturally growing up... I feel like I can never fix that no matter what. I'm forever freak because I missed such an essential part of life.. Best years my ass.

TL;DR: Does anyone else here feel like SA has prevented them from becoming mentally mature?

 

[thor01]

Yes, but I guess thats ok with me.

 

[mictsekk]

I just turned 20 and also feel like a child sometimes, but I don't really consider it a bad thing. In many ways I think I'm actually more mature than most people I know.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

Well, I don't really feel like a child, but I feel like I'm about 17/18 and not 24. My parents were severely overprotective. I was never allowed to do anything except sit at home or go to town (with them of course.) So I never really got the chance to grow up and mature through life experiences.

I'm finally beginning to get a few things done in life but it's soooooo hard when I have absolutely no life experience whatsoever!



I can relate to that so much. :/

Im 25... same. At late 20, 21-22 I was actually living a life finally. Stuff happened. Went back home - and... yeah. Finally graduating from college. Scary to not have school in my life was my one real reason to get out last 3 years and sense of socialness.

Parents overprotective yeah, I guess. Life experience - socially and emotionally, feel 18.

BUT - 25 not getting younger in actuality, dont want to be 26, then 27, 28, then suddenly 30 and say these same words. I said what you said twisted when I was 20, and I got a job, back to school, life started change.

So I am determined to do that again now scary as it is and childlike I feel now even more so being older. But I dont want my next 3 years to be like my last.

Never too late to get life experience much as it may feel that way.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Yes, I'll be 23 soon and am unemployed, living with my mom, no friends, no money, etc...

I can't do anything without my mom or brother holding my hand through it.
I can't leave my room 5/7 days of the week because I'm too terrified that something will happen or I'll be found out as a failure.

When my sister was my age, she had graduated from UofT, she had a job, a boyfriend, plenty of money-- but things changed.
Things will always change and evolve and it's not right to compare yourself to other people when you are NOT those people. You are you.

I just hope that by this time next year I can be confident enough to leave my house and have a part time job. That's all I can hope for.
I'm not going to be wealthy or successful or have a family and live in a nice house-- I know this. I'd be fooling myself if I thought that I could have those things. Not everyone can be successful. Most people are only really good at one or two things-- and some people don't even figure out what those things are until their life is half over.
You might suck at 'everything'. You might be unable to keep a job or to even FIND a job, but it doesn't mean you're a failure.
I have to tell myself that over and over again on a daily basis.
If I didn't believe in it a tiny bit, I'd have already killed myself a long time ago.

That's just the truth... I feel like a child now; I can't do anything on my own and I'm worthless, but maybe someday I'll be worth something.
Some people really are late bloomers and some people may not ever feel like they've bloomed at all.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Yes, very much so.

Sometimes I'll be going through my daily life when I'll suddenly be hit with the realization that I am totally out of my depth. In pretty much everything. And that's just the things I'm actually managing (by some miracle and a great deal of being able to "play the part") to do. There are so many things I would never even attempt because I just don't think I'd be capable of them. ::

 

[mr.jimbo]

=/. somehow, you'll make it through. It takes time and patient. I can totally relate to you with the short term job, being unemployed atm,struggling with school, moving forward, and being lonely. Try to build up good memories while you're still young, because you dont want to regret even more later in life or the future.

 

[lurknomore]

I'm 32, and I certainly feel like a child... or probably more like a teenager, just not quite mature. I feel like I still haven't and don't know how to actually live my life- I avoid pretty much everything, even indulging in hobbies, because most things involve human interaction on some level. I've gotten used to working- and I finished college- but anything beyond the mundane everyday type of interactions, I don't even try.

The last time I visited my family, my brother made a remark that my kids will hit "teenage angst" soon (they're 7 and 8), and I said I never went through it. His response- "You're going through it right now." It might have been a joke, but perhaps he's right... I feel like I'm "growing up" at a much slower pace than most other people.

 

[Strange_Loner]

I'm 26... But feel like I'm 16.
I have no real friends, just FBook people from school and some new world friends. They have kids are married and go out clubbing etc... I hate clubs/Bars and would rather sit and draw and be in my own little world........

I act like Peter Pan.... Am a joker, not adult like at all....
But I feel and maybe do this cos I don't want to grow up... I don't want to be an Adult...... I want to be what I want

 

[NickyNacker]

I can completely relate. Was just thinking about this today actually.

 

[BleedTheFreak]

I feel the same way, I'm 22 and feel like I'm 16/17. It's a result of living the lifestyle of a recluse at an age where I should've been growing mentally and socially. The worst part is having to depend on other people to survive. As lucky as some of us are to have families that care, it doesn't stop me from feeling like a leetch.

 

[Lostinthemusic]

I just turned 20 a few months ago and feel the same way for sure. I realized a while ago that I haven't really changed since 7th grade, when some stuff happened. At the very least I feel no older than a shy 17 year old. I think I definitely had an overprotective mom too, not as bad as some I'm sure, but I never really hung out with people after high school because I always felt I would have to be back for dinner and didn't want to get in trouble with her.

I'm in college now, I've thought about quitting, something in me wont allow it though. I ended up in a house of partyers who don't seem to know how to deal with me, and I feel very awkward every day. I don't feel I would be able to face my parents either if I didn't keep pressing forward. But I feel lost at the moment, so I put my head down and hope somehow I'm pushed in the right direction.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

You people in your 20s still have plenty of time. Most of the world still sees you AS children. I don't mean that as a put-down; I mean, doors are still wiiiiiiiiide open for whatever you'd like to pursue in life and no one is going to judge you (at least too harshly lol) just because you're a few years behind your peers.

Having said that though, like Lemur alluded to, it's a blink of an eye to 25 YO and then another blink to 30 (I mean, 1/4 of 2011 is already behind us!). Any lingering probs from when you were in your 20s get SIGNIFICANTLY harder to straighten out once you hit 3-0: you'll no longer be given the benefit of society giving you a pass and saying, "Ah, he/she's young and just finding him/herself." It'll be more like, "Dang, he/she is a weirdo hermit. Avoid at all costs." lol.

You became a motivational speaker I see...

lol seriously tho - it's harsh but true. I mean 30 is still young, I dont know but... yeah ... this just should motivate me more, at 25, to still do this. And esp anyone younger. All I can say is time moves by quick. I thought I had time... when I was 22 and really learned about SAD and everything. 3-4 years went by so ****ing quickly.

 

[twiggle]

I feel the same. I felt older when I was at Uni than I feel now, back living with my parents because I can't afford to move out (I'm 25) and with plenty of career ideas but no relevant job to show for it, just some job in a call-centre I could have got when I was 18.
I don't like to go out clubbing anymore. I've never been a fan of the music in clubs but I used to love getting drunk, and ALWAYS went clubbing every week, now I seldom do it. I don't enjoy it.
I volunteered abroad for a few months and it was amazing, and taught me that the truth is (and it sounds obvious) - people have different lifestyles all over the world. Where I volunteered, people don't drink or go out clubbing. They mostly tend to stay living at home because their culture holds family values of utmost importance. When they marry, they stay living with their families. Now that's not for everybody, I know, but it made me realise that its not about "the Western way or the high way". Before I volunteered I felt like I HAD to be out clubbing, that I HAD to be trying to move away from home. And then I realised that, actually, I don't need to do any of these things.

Like today, Saturday, and I'm meeting friends for lunch then I'm going home for the evening to stay in my bedroom, listen to some music, probably post some more on this. Now, me at the age of say, 22, would have poured scorn at this! "Saturday night staying in? OMG. Should be out clubbing!" I did it because I felt it was the 'adult way' to behave. Now I realise that the adult thing to do is be YOURSELF. Do what you ENJOY.

It gets hard sometimes when I see my friends all with their glittering careers, long-term relationships, engagements, putting deposits on flats. And I think to myself, "I'm so far away from that" and I am. I won't sort out my career for ages because what I want to get into (charity work with lots of writing on the side) is very competitive and has less of a definitive pathway, unlike say accountancy and legal jobs where people know from the onset what they have to do to get that job.

But you know what? One day one of my friends (who I often envy as she seems to have everything sorted) turned around to me and said, "I'm locked in my job now. I wish my life was more of an adventure, like yours" And it opened my eyes a bit. Had I got my life together as soon as I graduated I would never have done the travel experiences that has changed the way I think so much. And even more importantly - I wouldn't have as much choice and opportunity in front of me.

And its not just about travel. USE any time you have to think about YOURSELF. Iron out issues. Learn to love yourself, because as long as you feel happy with yourself as an individual you'll look less longingly at other peoples' lives and think, "Actually, mine is not that bad at all. It's different, but I do what I love and I love what I do"

I'm 25 and temporarily doing a job which requires little after-thought after shifts. So I use this time to focus on myself. CBT. Working out why I feel inadequate. I'm far from cured yet and often break down but i KNOW what I want now and what i DON'T want.

I sometimes think that these people who try and live too fast - well, maybe they'll continue in that vein and their life will be great. But if they have that somewhat breakdown that we're having now when they're a lot older, it'll be MUCH harder for them to resolve.

So what I'm saying (in conclusion) is that use the time to work yourself out and move forward. Don't feel like you're wasting your life because you feel like a child. The very fact you're posting in the forum shows you're in touch with your emotions and that you want to change. Feeling like a child, and accepting those feelings, is how you begin to learn what you want from life. And many people don't know that.

 

[Social_Monstrosity]

I think I'm twins with the creator of this thread, heh.

Except I've never even had one job.

 

[Alphasocket]

Yes, I'm the same way. I'm 29 years old with no prospects, no friends...nothing. I do have a beautiful, intelligent, confident daughter to cherish but somehow that's not enough when I have to consider the little else I have. She'll grow to despise me anyway. That's inevitable. How could you love and respect someone like me? There's days I long to strike myself down.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Yes, I'm the same way. I'm 29 years old with no prospects, no friends...nothing. I do have a beautiful, intelligent, confident daughter to cherish but somehow that's not enough when I have to consider the little else I have.

You already have so much right there.

She'll grow to despise me anyway. That's inevitable. How could you love and respect someone like me?

I very much doubt she'll grow up to despise you. Why would she? How could she not love and respect someone who clearly loves and cherishes her so much?

 

[recluse]

Well i'm soon to be 30 and i have never dated, have no friends, no social life as such. I still live with my parents rent free and have never moved out and i think of my age and think ''oh my god!...Most people are atleast in a relationship or live alone at this age!''........So yeah i feel like an unexperienced kid. I feel like no one will take me seriously knowing that i still rely a lot on my parents.

 

[AGR]

I only feel like a child because I havent lived alone yet or have my own family,but looking around me,this has its advantages too and makes me feel good like I dont have children while I am separated,I wasnt taken advantage of,cheated,dont have to take care of other people's children,pay child support,pretty much was careful with who I walked around with,tried to walk on a straight path.

 

[Fighter86]

When I was younger, I thought things would have changed when I got older, but now that I am older, nothing's changed, I am still the same girl I was.