Ok I am no expert in relationships lol. But, I would suggest maybe asking her why she feels the way she feels? By that I mean, tell her why do you think you're not good enough for me?
I have asked her that repeatedly. So as to remind her, that while obsessing on me, she had done things for me, that my (ex)wife n' (ex)fiance would never have done for me. My fiance has ordered me pizza countless times(not at my request). She has bought me lots of clothes, and movies. She has gone over the top with love. Sure it is 'material', but it is still over the top.
Maybe she feels as though she's not being appreciated enough? I mean I'm not judging you or anything because I don't know how your relationship is with your fiance, but some people need a little more encouragement than others and a little more attention.
Now, Appreciation is a hard one. Because I have decided, I have to be creative, since she is a hoarder. Christmas 2011, I sent her expensive gifts. To my knowledge, they have still not been opened. For an entire year, I had repeatedly asked her to open the Christmas 2011 gifts. But I am almost certain, that she hasn't. She would keep saying she wanted to open them in front of me. But this has not been the first year this has happened. I have been with her in the past for her birthday, on years this has happened, and she wouldn't open them in front of me. The reason I have to be creative, in what I send her, is because it will end up in the hoarding pile if I am not careful. So, For now, I have stuck to flowers. Because they only last a certain amount of time, and can't be thrown in a hoarding pile when they die. I was going to make DVD copies of all the movies she bought me. But the entertainment industry is clamping down on people who do that. Also, The might end up in the hoard.
Maybe she has really low self esteem? If that's the case then she would need to feel like she does deserve someone in her life, and maybe you could compliment her more and encourage her to open up to you. Also, some women get really stressed and nervous when they're about to commit to a life long partner.
She has had low self esteem for a long time. On complimenting her, yes. Even if she doesn't communicate.
Because of her OCD, it isn't always easy, to get her to open up to me.
We have been in a long-distance relationship for almost six years.(long story) So, I don't think it is necessarily nervousness about committing to me. When I asked her if I did anything wrong, she said it was her, not me.
Maybe you could tell her that you don't expect or want anything she isn't already giving you? Reassure her she is doing fine. Like she is good enough the way she is...Maybe she's saying that because something happened in her past, maybe that's why she is saying all this to you.
I told her, that my only concern, is about her weight. But because of what happened to my (ex)wife. My (ex)wife had to have a pacemaker implanted in her heart, because of how clogged the arteries leading to her heart were. My fiance was thin when she was in her teens(we are both mid-40's). My (ex)wife has never been a healthy weight and shunned all opportunities to help her lose weight.
If that doesn't work, then just give her a little more time? A little more space and she will come around.
Just speak to her about it, approaching her very calmly and lovingly. It might help.
I hope my advice was helpful? I hope things will turn better!
She has told me on a number of occasions, she will work on her communication(Yahoo IM, e-mail, Facebook). But something is going on that she is afraid to tell me. I don't mean like, she is cheating. Just something she is afraid to tell me for some reason.
Yes, You were helpful. Thank you for responding.
