Forlorn

[Jegan]

I don't know where to find help. Sorry for starting a useless thread. This is the only place where I can put my self out. Every one would know me as a quiet boy,man. what they don't realize is that I am suffering and dieing inside. I am so quiet that I am drowning inside a deep dark whole where no one can hear me or reach me. I am really different from the other people who are around me which i meet every day. I notice the difference because when I try to communicate with another person, no matter who ever I meet, even the people that I've met before, even my friends that I knew, my relatives and everyone I'm close to..I am having hard time connecting with them. I feel anxious all the time
My mind gets shattered and confused and I feel numb.
My brain isnt active. I have no motivation. My words and sentences become scrambled and disorganized. I dont know what im going to do next. I have this sense of feeling as if I'm not civilized. I seem to have no general knowledge, no common sense, no sense of humor, or a sense of belonging. I feel as if I don't have a soul and I just have this useless body. I'm dead and I'm walking with no spirit. I'm always being left alone and forgotten by people. I don't keep in contact with my relatives. I'm always confused, and my thoughts are always incomplete. I cant make a decision in life. My life has no point. All I want to do is stay at home and sleep. I seem to have no interests in life. Im really slow at conceiving things in my mind. My flow of thoughts are way too slow. I cant "identify" things or people. I cant adopt to the places and people and situations. I don't know the systems of life. Sometimes I do think that it would be better if I'm dead, because I already feel like a dead soul which is useful for nothing. Im just no useful for anyone or anything. My emotions are dead. I feel like a rock. I cant cry, cant laugh, cant get angry, cant concentrate. I cant listen, i cant conceive anything in my mind, worst of all I'm having hard time speaking. I cant show any facial expressions. I cant learn. Im not up to date with things. While im in a social situation, my mind goes blank and out of words. I cant think. I feel trapped. I have no facial expressions. I feel like a dead zombie.
My school life was a disaster, I couldn't concentrate on studies. I was never able to move in closer with others, i was always isolated. Im always left behind and always left alone. Every one seems to be strangers.
Im always confused when some one comes up to me and talk to me. Because I have no personality. Im forgetting the people that I've met before. I'm forgetting the things that happened yesterday. I don't know what plans I have for tomorrow. Nothing seems to last. No one seems to understand me. I cant connect with anyone. I'm Lost.
What am I?

 

[DeadmanWalking]

You are you, that's all there is to it. All those aspects of yourself, both good and bad, create the being that is you. There's no certain category within which you can ingratiate yourself.

You realize why I chose my name now. Those feeling you're feelings right now, those thoughts swirling through your mind? They've been inside my head for god-knows-how-long. If there is something you don't like about yourself, then fight for that change. If you're distancing yourself from everyone, then call someone. Do you have anyone's phone numbers, contact info, or just some way you can get in contact with them? Make a promise to yourself to call someone one day; you could even make a reminder of it by writing it on a sticky note and putting that on your phone or writing it on a calendar of some sort. It's like waking up sometimes: you feel so tired that all you want to do is go back to sleep, but you have something that you need to do, so you kick yourself out of bed and drag your body around and, eventually, you find the energy within yourself and you're standing up, walking around. You have a goal, it's time to kick yourself out of "bed" and act. If you lack direction in life, sit down one day, in a quiet room preferably, and ask yourself, "What do I want to do with my life? How am I going to accomplish it?". You're in training right now, so keep following that road and look for the answers to those questions in the meantime. It doesn't matter what you're doing, just keep moving through life and look for the answers along the way.

Good luck with all of this. And, one more thing, you don't deserve to die. You haven't committed some atrocious and unforgivable act. You're just confused with life, which most people become some time in their life. Everyone finds their way back on the path and so will you.

 

[Srijita52]

I pretty much agree with Deadman. I also know the feeling of not knowing who I am, what should I do or how can I relate to people. But if you feel like you want to accomplish more, YOU have to take the steps. Make a plan, try to figure out your weakness and work on it. If you think you can't identify with people, try to observe them, see what they like. I used to view people as some mysterious creatures, never knowing what they think or talk. But if you take time to actually give them a chance and listen to them, you'll see they're not too complex. Be in touch with your friends or relatives even if you don't feel like it. Think about it as something you have to do for the better of yourself. Try to engage in conversations, speak as often as you can, don't filter yourself too much, try to work on your facial expressions by looking in a mirror. Think of them as some sort of practise. Also try new things, figure out what's best for you. You don't have to know anything right away but keep on moving. Anxiety can be very hard to deal with, but remind yourself to do these stuff everyday regardless of anxiety. Don't beat yourself too much though, remember its something that'll take some time to work out. Good luck