Frustrated with being single...

[zerohour]

I know there's probably been a thousand posts like this, but I guess I just need to get it off my chest. I've never been a "ladies man", but I remember when I was in school I at least had friends who were girls, even though I rarely had a girlfriend. I was the one guy that they could confide in when they had problems, and I could usually make these girls laugh and feel good about themselves again. Now, I think i'm a decent guy and all, i'm not chauvinistic, i'm kind, all that, but because of Social Anxiety I can't have a relationship. And what really frustrates me is that there are a whole lot of people out there in relationships that just don't appreciate what they have - they whine about their significant other, and would rather be at the pub than with their girlfriend. And I have a feeling that I couldn't make a relationship work even if I managed to get into one in the first place - especially with a girl that doesn't have SA. It seems to me that any of my good qualities would be irrelevant, because I don't have a "normal" social life. I couldn't be the guy that takes her out on the weekend, or spends time with her and all of her many friends, or whatever it is that "normal" people do , even though I would probably appreciate a girl more than most people without SA would. Anyway, now i've probably made myself look like a bit of a @%@#, so i'll stop typing.

 

[Neebo]

Hi Zerohour, I know exactly what you mean. I too at the age of ninteen well nearly almost twenty,have never had a girlfriend. Infact,no girl has ever even give me a second glance And I understand what you mean when you say it frustrates you when people don't appreciate or take for granted what they have. Especially in relationships where domestic violence is common place :x

 

[allanboy]

Know how you feel man, i can simpathize with everything there. I bet you would die for the lady you would be dating wouldnt you? I know i would, and i have a hunch that you would too...

Well, just say fuck it, and move on. Thinking too much of something is such a nasty habit.

 

[Chilling__Echo]

i'm so tired of being single too!!!

 

[StealThis]

I too can sympathize

 

[Waybuloo]

me too, its the lack of company that sux not so much whether i have a bf or not.

 

[Septor]

The boy's got moral character, *swoons* .

You sound like a lovely guy zero, the girls you're meeting must not know what they're missing 8).

I know that it still seems like society might expect men to be more confident, extroverted and strong... but it can be just as hard for a girl with SA but for different reasons.

It might be easier to have a relationship when you're an SA girl because it's still mostly customary for guys to make the approach. However, there's a real danger for a girl with SA of getting into an abusive relationship because domestically violent men usually try to isolate their partners from their friends/family and other people and emotionally manipulate them. The low self-esteem and self-worth someone with SA has makes emotional manipulation really easy. .

It's not hard to see how someone with SA would play into the hands of someone who operates likes that. There are men like that who even prey on girls simply because they can tell how shy they are :x.

Littlematchgirl is right about women with s.a.It might seem that women with sa can get into a relationship easier but they are in a lot more danger of being in a abusive relationship.There's men that just hunt women like that.I have seen it first hand my father was really predator that would prey on women like that.He would make them feel special.Make them feel like they are worth something and by that time he would have them in his control and just like littlematchgirl said he would isolate them from there partners from their friends and family.It is really sad to see that happen to a young women.So many broken dreams.Heck if I was a women instead of a man I would have wonder if I would be in that type of relationship.So to the men out there it not as easy as it seams to be a women with s.a.


Zerohour I can feel you man.I think that people take there relationship as just one of those thing you do.Instead of something that suppose to be special.They take it for granted.You just have keep up hope and don't become like me.I gave up a long time ago on ever having a girlfriend.Which dooms me to failure.Anyway not every women wants a confident extroverte badboy.Women will see what kind of man you are even if s.a complicate things a little.

 

[Chilling__Echo]

Littlematchgirl is right about women with s.a.It might seem that women with sa can get into a relationship easier but they are in a lot more danger of being in a abusive relationship.There's men that just hunt women like that.I have seen it first hand my father was really predator that would prey on women like that.He would make them feel special.Make them feel like they are worth something and by that time he would have them in his control and just like littlematchgirl said he would isolate them from there partners from their friends and family.It is really sad to see that happen to a young women.So many broken dreams.Heck if I was a women instead of a man I would have wonder if I would be in that type of relationship.So to the men out there it not as easy as it seams to be a women with s.a.

wow, littlematchgirl and septor. i'm so impressed, this is all so true and i see it in myself so much. i've come to a realization over the past year or so that i go for the worst guys. i pick out the loudest, most outgoing ones and they turn out to be the assholes but at the same time i think i can't do any better :|

 

[Monkeymagic]

You guys should ask girls out!

Little match girl- you are exactly right about the types of men us SP girls date. I always go out with controlling abusive "arseholes" to put it very lightly. Because they are the ones arrogant enough to ask us out. Also they don't care wether we say yes or no because essentially they have no respect for our answers anyway.

Another thing. Outgoing guys are usually really clever at making themselves seem wonderful on the surface but when you get to know them you realise that it was all show and emplty underneath.

I wish all the nice guys would have the courage to ask the nice girls out. That way the nice guys wouldn't be alone and the nice girls wouldn't get abused.

I'd like to say something to guys who have SP- it's actually comforting to have a guy who understands that being reserved and quiet isn't always a bad thing. Lots of men expect their girlfriend to be a superficial bimbo social butterfly who sucks up to a bunch of morons at random parties. Fuck that. :roll:

Half the confident ones I meet at parties have a bunch of coke up their noses as well.

 

[Septor]

Monkeymagic i'm sorry that you had go through that crap with men.They give all men a bad name and it sickens me that it happen so much.Allot of those men target girl like you for the very reason that you are introverts and on the shy side because they think that you would be easier to control.You can't let your self be pulled into it.All I can really say is the more a guy is arrogant and charming the more they're likely they fall in to the control freak category.Although that does not mean that all outgoing guys are going to be like that.Its sad thing to see when relationship.Something that is suppose to be special is twisted into just another ugly mind game.

As for guys with sp they are at a disadvantage from the beginning.You know the saying the the squeaky wheel gets the oil.Thats how it's in dating.The louder and more aggressive the man is the more likely they are to get the women.Allot of women respond to that behavior because that is what culture teaches us is the right behavior.I have been to many a dating website forums where nice guy or guys with sp are considered the scum of the earth because they are not aggressive or outgoing.That being said not all guys with sp are going to be nice.Some aren't some are.My be some of the nice girl should try and ask some of the nice guys out :lol: It might just work.

 

[coolguy]

hi littlematchgirl

hi littlematch girl id like to to talk with you am a 35 year old man from liverpool england so if youd like to chat your welcome :lol:

 

[Monkeymagic]

thanks septor

Thanks septor for your kind words and advice, but how do you know if a guy is a "nice guy" and how do you find the nice guys? :?: Where do quiet nice guys hang out? libraries? :lol: book shops, that's where I hang out. :lol:

 

[Septor]

Re: thanks septor

Thanks septor for your kind words and advice, but how do you know if a guy is a "nice guy" and how do you find the nice guys? :?: Where do quiet nice guys hang out? libraries? :lol: book shops, that's where I hang out. :lol:

I'm sorry monkeymagic I don't have much advice on that.You have to remember that there are guys that hunt after women with low self-esteem.They are pretty good at telling if you have low self-esteem or not and going after you because you probably give off those vibes to them sometimes.You have to find someone that treats you like special person you are and not like a doll that can be put away when they get tried of you.You deserve better.

There are a lot of nice guys here on this wed site.There a lot of nice guys out in the world to that will treat you with respect,you have just find them.Libraries,book shops are good places to start with.Even churches if you are in to that kind of thing.I personal would stay away from the arrogant men to begin with.The one that think they're god gift to women.

Sorry if I don't have anything good to say.Im not a women and can't imagine how hard it is deal with men that are jerks and finding a good man but there are good man out there.

 

[Monkeymagic]

thanks guys, for the advice. ill keep an eye out for the people who hang back from now on and ignore the guys who get in my face :roll: instead of being impressed by their arragant confidence :idea: these smiley faces are awesome

 

[jamez]

Yea...definitely for me it's the lack of hang-out buddies/friends. Even if I believe that I'm a lot better with the SA than I was a few years back, it's still difficult to do the things I wanna do without much support at all. But still even though I can go out and do normal things and not be so anxious or whatever, things still ain't so great, I like to do my own thing but I just can't pop up in a night club or whatever by myself because I've never done those stuff before. Also, I'm probably a little picky about the people I hang out with, probably a side effect of SA or something lol, but so a few of the times I'm out by myself.

I want to go out and have a lot of fun to make up for lost years but it's still difficult, I don't feel that I even want a GF at this stage.

On a side note, I notice a few of you guys sound pretty smart/articulate. I have trouble expressing myself sometimes and finding the right words when I talk or when I type. Another little thing to work on lol.

 

[Monkeymagic]

Right Here on SPW, thats where :wink:

F- what others think about SPobics, I think our sensitivity and understanding towards one another makes us more human, then those empty shells of
people who go through their "issues" parting and sleeping around all the time.
We may hurt ourselves but we at least have the respect to not walk on others and in some ways I see it as an advantage and a gift that I care about the feelings of others.

Not all men are arogant pigs, most like to act, but all of us really are children with wrinkels.

I agree with Nytro- I'd much prefer to date an SP like me because of the understanding and sensitivity we have.
Also, introverts naturally think more before they speak. I don't know about you but I get very bored of chatterbox air heads. Not only that but people who talk garbage all day long are exhausting.

I often wonder whether SP is a side affect of being too sensitive to other people and picking up on their emotions easily- which is exhausting, especially if you don't know the person.

 

[Septor]

Right Here on SPW, thats where :wink:

F- what others think about SPobics, I think our sensitivity and understanding towards one another makes us more human, then those empty shells of
people who go through their "issues" parting and sleeping around all the time.
We may hurt ourselves but we at least have the respect to not walk on others and in some ways I see it as an advantage and a gift that I care about the feelings of others.

Not all men are arogant pigs, most like to act, but all of us really are children with wrinkels.

I agree with Nytro- I'd much prefer to date an SP like me because of the understanding and sensitivity we have.
Also, introverts naturally think more before they speak. I don't know about you but I get very bored of chatterbox air heads. Not only that but people who talk garbage all day long are exhausting.

I often wonder whether SP is a side affect of being too sensitive to other people and picking up on their emotions easily- which is exhausting, especially if you don't know the person.

Monkeymagic I think a good book for you to read would be The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron.I think it would explain some things about your self.It talks a lot about being to sensitive to other people and picking up on their emotions.Which is not always a bad thing though even if it seems like that a lot of the time.

As for dating.It would be cool to date a girl with sp or introverts girl and both partner would understand there feeling better and what they are going through.The one thing I would worry about is it might not help with the sa or make it worse because they would become to comfortable with each other and would not wont to push them self to talk to other people.There could be codependency issues to.It could go either way I guess.

 

[Monkeymagic]

I'll definitely check that book out Septor.

I know what you mean about getting stuck in a world with another shy person. But for me, love about creating your own world together and then taking that world out into the rest of the world.

I don't think dating an introvert would make SP worse in my case because I would feel less excluded in social situations if I wasn't the only introvert there. Also I think it would help me to eat and drink again if I was with someone who was understanding of my personality.

On a side note, I like socialising, I'm just scared of it. Although I did go shopping with a friend today (not a romantic interest friend, just a friend). But when he said we should have a drink afterwards I cunningly said "let's check the surf first" because I can't drink in front of people anymore and we spent the time checking out the waves. Unfortunately he knew me before I developed that particular phobia so I don't want to tell him incase it goes away soon.

Do you usually date/hang out with introverted or extroverted people?

 

[Nytro]

Im actually going to visit a introverted friend in the city today, less judgement involved, understanding of each other in shyness factor, so basically we can really be ourselves. I think if introverts were to hang out as a group it would be great. Perhaps its not anxiety from social interactions but really from the types of people we fear to encounter, or feel our personalities are incompatible to our own, this causes us stress and anxiety and we percieve it to everyone.

But let me ask you this, when you are with someone who doesnt pose a threat, like a really young child, a loving parent or relative, If Introverts or similiar personalities got together with full awareness and care to each others sensitive feelings, their would be a good bond, and im sure anything in life could be conquerd with like minded people. So maybe its the people who we dont have in your lives that really give us the low self esteem.

 

[Septor]

I'll definitely check that book out Septor.

I know what you mean about getting stuck in a world with another shy person. But for me, love about creating your own world together and then taking that world out into the rest of the world.

I don't think dating an introvert would make SP worse in my case because I would feel less excluded in social situations if I wasn't the only introvert there. Also I think it would help me to eat and drink again if I was with someone who was understanding of my personality.

On a side note, I like socialising, I'm just scared of it. Although I did go shopping with a friend today (not a romantic interest friend, just a friend). But when he said we should have a drink afterwards I cunningly said "let's check the surf first" because I can't drink in front of people anymore and we spent the time checking out the waves. Unfortunately he knew me before I developed that particular phobia so I don't want to tell him incase it goes away soon.

Do you usually date/hang out with introverted or extroverted people?

You put it eloquently Monkeymagic.Like I said before in a nother thread it has to do with the people involved in the relationship rather then the sp.Not only that but although everyone here has sp here they're a lot of thing that fall under sp.Different fears like drinking in public and talking to cute girls talking to people in authorityand so on.I think it come downs finding some one that compliments each other and in strengths and weakness.

As for the rest you put it better then I could Monkeymagic.