Girls always reminding me i never have a date

[The_9th_passenger]

There are those girls at work, most of them married or married-to-be, which seem to be unable to stop from reminding me of my complete lack of sexual life. They seem to feel forced to it. While i don't know how to -in a soft manner- tell them not to do so, cause it hurts a lot remembering that i have a problem that doesn't allow me to date with any girl (and not that i'm Brad Pitt either) so i feel so sad about it i wanna die.
I'm already 36 (almost 37) and never had one single date with a girl. I'm not happy at all about that, of course
Why they care about my sexual life? Why they have to constanctly remind me about it? Can't they understand that it hurts a lot?
And anyway... how can i have such problems being 36 years old??
I think i should tell them something, do something to stop them... but i feel so bad, so sad, i just can't hang my voice up to do so. And maybe that's the worst of all... being unable to deffend myself...just like a child. It really doesn't make me feel happy at all. And when they do it while other people is whatching, it doesn't help me being more social at all either.
Anyone else has such problem?

 

[HexNoir]

There are those girls at work, most of them married or married-to-be, which seem to be unable to stop from reminding me of my complete lack of sexual life. They seem to feel forced to it. While i don't know how to -in a soft manner- tell them not to do so, cause it hurts a lot remembering that i have a problem that doesn't allow me to date with any girl (and not that i'm Brad Pitt either) so i feel so sad about it i wanna die.
I'm already 36 (almost 37) and never had one single date with a girl. I'm not happy at all about that, of course
Why they care about my sexual life? Why they have to constanctly remind me about it? Can't they understand that it hurts a lot?
And anyway... how can i have such problems being 36 years old??
I think i should tell them something, do something to stop them... but i feel so bad, so sad, i just can't hang my voice up to do so. And maybe that's the worst of all... being unable to deffend myself...just like a child. It really doesn't make me feel happy at all. And when they do it while other people is whatching, it doesn't help me being more social at all either.
Anyone else has such problem?

Hello sir. First of all, do not feel ashamed. Weather your sexual activity (or lack thereof) was or was not a choice, let me tell you something important. Whoever it is that's making fun of you is in a FAAAR worse situation than you. Because believe it or not, the more hits you take, the stronger you become. Also, consider this - you're compassionate. You wouldn't make fun of somebody in the same situation as you, right? (I hope you see where I'm going with this)

So the damn people who made fun of you for it, and even after they realized you didn't like it MUST fucking hate their lives!! They must be so insecure about SOMETHING or else they'd shut up and let it go! Maybe they have extremely DULL sexual lives - ever consider that? There's a rhyme and a reason for their blatant remarks - INSECURITY. And because of the fact that you probably wouldn't make fun of somebody in the same situation as yourself, you are in fact less insecure than they are. So next time they do it, you should totally say something back to them. Maybe even ask what's their beef with sex? Why are they so insecure with the topic of sex? Why do they feel the need to be douches about it?

 

[The_9th_passenger]

First of all thanks for your advice and support.

I whish it was like you said, but those girls do not seem to have such insecurity or dull sexual life.
On the other hand, I don't feel better on being compassionate. That sounds like being a dork. Sorry but that's how i feel.
I can't help feeling sad and ashamed of myself... Not being able to make just one girl want to coup with me, not being attractive at all in any sense, not being able to make others respect me, not being able to get over it.... not being able to appear like anithing else than a stupid childish dork.
I'm sorry... i'm so depressed ....

 

[shon]

Since they don't have the same problems as you, they can't understand how bad it feels. How do you look when they are saying things that make you uncomfortable? I don't say much either when people make me uncomfortable. I don't have many facial expressions and hardly ever smile so nobody can tell how I feel. I can be really humiliated or sad on the inside and everybody thinks I'm fine. You might need to find it in yourself to get snotty or something. You could just say something like ok, you live your life and I'll live mine! It helps to find the anger in yourself and let it come out a bit. If that doesn't work, maybe you could step it up a bit. Just enough to make it clear you don't want to hear it.

 

[shon]

First of all thanks for your advice and support.

I whish it was like you said, but those girls do not seem to have such insecurity or dull sexual life.
On the other hand, I don't feel better on being compassionate. That sounds like being a dork. Sorry but that's how i feel.
I can't help feeling sad and ashamed of myself... Not being able to make just one girl want to coup with me, not being attractive at all in any sense, not being able to make others respect me, not being able to get over it.... not being able to appear like anithing else than a stupid childish dork.
I'm sorry... i'm so depressed ....

I think we worry so much about what "might" happen that it either does because we (in some instances) made it happen or in our SP mind, we at least believe it did. Have u ever tried meditating or maybe making a list of your good qualities? You sound like a kind person who doesn't deserve to feel like that.

 

[steviegerrard489]

I'm already 36 (almost 37) and never had one single date with a girl. I'm not happy at all about that, of course
Why they care about my sexual life? Why they have to constanctly remind me about it? Can't they understand that it hurts a lot?
And anyway... how can i have such problems being 36 years old??
I think i should tell them something, do something to stop them... but i feel so bad, so sad, i just can't hang my voice up to do so. And maybe that's the worst of all... being unable to deffend myself...just like a child. It really doesn't make me feel happy at all. And when they do it while other people is whatching, it doesn't help me being more social at all either.
Anyone else has such problem?

I'm quite surprised that they know all this and if they are saying stuff like this it's work-place harrassment.

Luckily (or unluckily) I work in a male dominated environment. The few women I actually work with tend to talk about the men behind our backs. However, it's usually just about the young guys in their 20s that they talk about....

One of them (27 yr old) said to me in the pub once: "We need to find you a girlfriend". I thought to myself: 'hang on a minute?! I never told her I didn't have one!'

I'm practically the only guy in the office who doesn't have a wife or girlfriend. It sucks really. No one truly enjoys going home to an empty flat each night..

It doesn't do much for your credibility either! I get the impression that women quickly form an opinion of you, ie that either 'women always dump you' or 'you're too much of a dork to get a girl'. So any interest they might have had is quickly diminished.

 

[maggie]

There are those girls at work, most of them married or married-to-be, which seem to be unable to stop from reminding me of my complete lack of sexual life. They seem to feel forced to it. While i don't know how to -in a soft manner- tell them not to do so, cause it hurts a lot remembering that i have a problem that doesn't allow me to date with any girl (and not that i'm Brad Pitt either) so i feel so sad about it i wanna die.
I'm already 36 (almost 37) and never had one single date with a girl. I'm not happy at all about that, of course
Why they care about my sexual life? Why they have to constanctly remind me about it? Can't they understand that it hurts a lot?
And anyway... how can i have such problems being 36 years old??
I think i should tell them something, do something to stop them... but i feel so bad, so sad, i just can't hang my voice up to do so. And maybe that's the worst of all... being unable to deffend myself...just like a child. It really doesn't make me feel happy at all. And when they do it while other people is whatching, it doesn't help me being more social at all either.
Anyone else has such problem?

hey 9th, i had a similar problem at my old job..at a coffee shop where i worked with many women..who enjoyed teasing..and being just plain nosy i guess. They seemed completely fascinated with my life..or the lack thereof :? I also have a hard time defending myself in those situations..but i guess i would just hope someday you could muster up the courage to say 'my sex life is my business' but i know how incredibly difficult that can be, cause i couldn't do i for myself. The only thing i could think of to do at the time..was to start up a different conversation with them..ask them questions about themselves..then they'd babble on forever 8)

 

[recluse]

There are those girls at work, most of them married or married-to-be, which seem to be unable to stop from reminding me of my complete lack of sexual life. They seem to feel forced to it. While i don't know how to -in a soft manner- tell them not to do so, cause it hurts a lot remembering that i have a problem that doesn't allow me to date with any girl (and not that i'm Brad Pitt either) so i feel so sad about it i wanna die.
I'm already 36 (almost 37) and never had one single date with a girl. I'm not happy at all about that, of course
Why they care about my sexual life? Why they have to constanctly remind me about it? Can't they understand that it hurts a lot?
And anyway... how can i have such problems being 36 years old??
I think i should tell them something, do something to stop them... but i feel so bad, so sad, i just can't hang my voice up to do so. And maybe that's the worst of all... being unable to deffend myself...just like a child. It really doesn't make me feel happy at all. And when they do it while other people is whatching, it doesn't help me being more social at all either.
Anyone else has such problem?

I feel the same when my workmates talk about their girlfriends.

 

[spectator]

I have it worse since I have to deal with my roomates kissing their girlfriends all friggin day long or going to their place to comfort them instead of hanging with us. My best friends are commuters who live far away and can't get a girlfriend. They're the only people who I show *myself* to in fullness without worrying about a thing.

 

[badassbuffguy]

Damn man I don't know what to tell you.

Trying anything at this point is better than what you're doing now not having been on a date before.

You HAVE to try something NEW. No matter what it is give a different approach to your life and circumstances a try. After all, it cannot really get much worse.

What do you have to lose? Nothing. And you have plenty to gain. Try getting a date through friends, maybe they will help you out. Like I said, try SOMETHING; make a different choice, take a different path man, you don't deserve this. And if a woman rejects you, who cares? Eventually you'll land a date and be able to have a good time with that person.

You just have to break out of your shell and go for it. Obviously what you have been doing for the past 30 years hasn't been working so focus on changing aspects of your life around.

"Definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results" corny yeah, but I think this quote fits well with your situation.

Good luck man!

 

[Poetic_Wallflower]

Many times if I'm at a place like work where I can't roam free, or feel like myself, just extra self conscious. I worry that they will find out I have no life and worse yet a mere virgin. I'm not ashamed of being one I'm sad that I am one because I'm shy, knowing that out there guys who don't respect girls or are even worse looking than me are taking pretty girls home. How I would dread such conversations. The years pass by, no girl knows me.

At work I had a similar experience, one time a pair of obese losers a guy and a girl, I sure as hell didn't wanna hear their dumb talk of sex, I know lots about it, if they were two hot chix I might get into it, but noooo. So noticing obviously that I was just there silent doing work, the guy asks "are you a virgin?"

All I did was say "no. I would be proud to be one tho" yeah, that's right I don't want anyone knowing I'm one unless there were truly close friends, even then, I just know people would put virgin next to dork.

I know the pain, watching life pass by, I'm freaking 27 I haven't got a life because of this dreaded curse, what's the point of living if I'm barely living? why do people have to talk so much? why are we this way, are all of us who suffer from this so emotional or just me?

 

[Primrose]

First of all thanks for your advice and support.

I whish it was like you said, but those girls do not seem to have such insecurity or dull sexual life.
On the other hand, I don't feel better on being compassionate. That sounds like being a dork. Sorry but that's how i feel.
I can't help feeling sad and ashamed of myself... Not being able to make just one girl want to coup with me, not being attractive at all in any sense, not being able to make others respect me, not being able to get over it.... not being able to appear like anithing else than a stupid childish dork.
I'm sorry... i'm so depressed ....

I'm really sorry to hear that. It's particularly hard in your 30s (I'm going through the same thing myself). I think you just have to find a way to boost your confidence and focus on the good things about you which don't require having a relationship or partner. Get involved in a hobby or activity which brings out the best of your abilities and personality. I find that having something like that to focus on helps me forget about feeling left out.

I take myself off with my friends and focus on my work - it's the only way to escape the constant head fuck.

It is, of course easier said than done. Many folks are struggling to find relationships in their teens and twenties, but when you're of the older variety and over 30, it's so much harder - I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I said to my sister today, that I don't believe a relationship is ever going to happen for me - I've missed the boat. She said "I haven't given up on you", which was a really lovely thing to say.

 

[The_9th_passenger]

Since they don't have the same problems as you, they can't understand how bad it feels. How do you look when they are saying things that make you uncomfortable? I don't say much either when people make me uncomfortable. I don't have many facial expressions and hardly ever smile so nobody can tell how I feel. I can be really humiliated or sad on the inside and everybody thinks I'm fine. You might need to find it in yourself to get snotty or something. You could just say something like ok, you live your life and I'll live mine! It helps to find the anger in yourself and let it come out a bit. If that doesn't work, maybe you could step it up a bit. Just enough to make it clear you don't want to hear it.

Yeah that quite figures out what happens to me.... I KNOW i should do something, but i can't. Not at least something useful. And if i am to do something riduculous, i better do nothing or it'll be worst.
The thing is... they only do so when they are together, not when talking 1 to 1 with me.... Probably if i didn't have SP i wouldn't have such stupid problem either.

 

[The_9th_passenger]

I get the impression that women quickly form an opinion of you, ie that either 'women always dump you' or 'you're too much of a dork to get a girl'. So any interest they might have had is quickly diminished.

Hey I think exactly the same! Girls run in a kind of "social mode". They are quite dominated by group-oriented rules (sorry girls, but that is the truth).
If you are not able to attract at least 2 girls in a group, no one of them will accept publicly that she likes you, even if she's crazy about you. So that means even if a girl likes you, she will never admit so as long as you are not "attractive".
The thing is... probably I'm a dork actually.... Does that mean "better forget about love until next life?" (hoping i'm not a f*** dork next time i'm re-born) :roll:

But i don't know... if a prince comes up from a frog... why they ask for cute-assed playboys instead of frogs like me?

 

[The_9th_passenger]

"Definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results" corny yeah, but I think this quote fits well with your situation.

Good luck man!

Great... that just makes me feel better, you know.
Do i shoot my brains off now? Or better go to the sanitarium? :roll: .

 

[The_9th_passenger]

I said to my sister today, that I don't believe a relationship is ever going to happen for me - I've missed the boat. She said "I haven't given up on you", which was a really lovely thing to say.

Sorry to hear that... girl you just don't loose faith...
Maybe we should meet . Unfortunately i live in Spain., but if you don't mind i would be very pleased to talk to you through messenger, just as friends. We might be of great help/support for each other. We can give each other advise on dating matters
And at least... i really want to give my support to you. You seem to be a very nice person and i hate hearing such a nice person suffers such a terrible pain like mine.
Kisses and hugs!

 

[Doomed2Die]

Heh I used to make up a exceedingly, obviously fake, stuttering fat lie when asked the loaded Virgin question especially when caught off-guard.

Now? I laugh at them and say is that really all you think about? All these brilliant and more cerebal things to do in life and all you people do is fuck and laugh at virgins? *cough* college experience *cough*. I care naught about such things. Not to mention fornication is pretty much out of the picture for me and truth be told holds little pleasure ( logically of course, the heart on the other hand leans into sin as it does) .

Meh is all I got to say, let them laugh at you, at least you know better and you should take heart in this. Your own personal things should be just that, personal tell them this nicely and hopefully it reminds them to act less callous.

Umm I apologize from acting the role of topic deviant a little... :/ a bad habit in need of killing.

 

[The_9th_passenger]

I wouldn't get hurt at all if it just wasn't true that i never date. If I just had some date from time to time, a girl and me being interested in one another... if i only had a love story from time to time... but nothing happens in my life. And i'm almost 37 already...
Don't get a wrong idea from me. I've done almost everything in my hands to find a girl for me. But nothing succeeded. I'm in every one of the spanish dating websites. I use to talk to girls at work. I even try to know them, to see if we could like each other, and so on. Of course i'm not that social, you know. But i believe what really is ruining my sexual/sentimental life is me being NOT the kind of guy girls want. Maybe i will be able to be self-confident after i'm 40 years old... maybe...