Going out with a friend

[chris87]

I only have one friend, and it happens to be a female. I'll never quite know how that happened, but I'm glad it did! Although, I like to do things with her, I get so incredibly stressed beforehand. One thing that I noticed is that everything I do with her has to be planned. If she wants to go eat or do something, I will need at least a day to think about everything and get ready. Sometimes I think it's because I like her and want to make a good impression (she doesn't know that I do), but I imagine it is related to my SA/OCD.

I was just curious if this happens to anyone else. We're supposed to go to lunch on Wednesday, which means I'll be nervous all day tomorrow. My OCD will kick into overdrive, and I will fret about what I should wear, where we are going, my driving, etc. I'll probably have to take a practice run to wherever we go, just so I feel comfortable. Then, of course, I'll be worried about driving with her in the car. I just think about things so much that it makes me crazy. I could never just be spontaneous and say "do you want to go eat today?" It's like my SA/OCD makes me have to analyze everything days in advance.

She knows that I get stressed about doing things, but I don't think she understands the reason why. I think she just thinks it's my personality or something, which makes it a little bit difficult.

 

[CK23]

The same case is with me.... I like one of my seniors at the place i work... It's not even a friend thing, it's more like a friendship on ventilation... sob!.... She's 3 years older than me and she was very nice to me when i first joined.. she still is very nice but after the initial affection she stopped talking and now i feel like i am about to die in her presence..I get totally breathless when she's around, my SA goes into overdrive... and i feel like i am bleeding to death cos i am standing right next to someone who actually cared for me and then i can't even dare to look at her cos she might get mad... Sorry i wrote too much dude...just felt like venting... hope you understand.... hope this relating with you gave you some comfort...

 

[ABunkerHere]

Chris, I have definitely been there.

Consider this, you say she is your only friend. (I have a lady who I view the same way) Think of WHY she is your friend? Clearly she sees something in you that is attractive. Perhaps your physical appearance, perhaps your personality, maybe both! The thing to remember is that the truly difficult part is out of the way. Asking a girl out when you are not sure if she likes you at all is one of the toughest things we can do. But once that is done, and the answer is yes; just let it go on cruise control. Be yourself. I have OCD, perhaps not to the extent that you do; but how I drive is the least of my worries. Just get the two of you to the restaurant safely, and you'll be fine! Clothes? Just wear bluejeans and a basic tee shirt, or polo if you prefer. Conversation? Just talk. Chances are, if she likes you already, all you gotta do is talk about anything, and she'll be drawn to you. There's no reason to be scared of a girl who has told you "Yes." Remember that. That hard part is behind you!

And CK, I think you should definitely talk to this girl you are talking about. My story is similar (A girl who went out of her way to treat me kindly) and I too kinda ignored her out of shyness. Go up to her and say something to this effect; "Hey, sorry I haven't talked much with you lately. I was just shocked at how you treated me so nicely; it's rare."

Something like that should break the ice, and will at least let her know that you don't have a problem with her. The girl that I shied away from thought that I hated her because I turned her down for two dates (I was just scared, I wanted to say yes) and because I basically avoided her in school.

Good luck to you both!