Guys, do you feel your shyness...

[planemo]

makes you less of a man? I mean this in the sense of being assertive and in being able to fulfill positions of authority and leadership. I can never imagine myself being a leader, only a follower. I'm too afraid to talk to people, heck i'm afraid of just knowing they are there, and i have never grown out of it. This just feels unnatural, when i compare myself to others.

I see others my age moving forward with their lives, and i realize my shyness is holding me back. I mean I do wanna get married someday, but is hiding away from people a trait worthy of a husband or father? It seems very childish, yet i can't seem to grow out of it. What do you guys think? Shy guys how do you feel? Girls you're welcome to give their point of view too...

 

[megalon]

Leader and follower are not the only options. I consider myself more of a lone wolf. I follow my own rules.

 

[Kinetik]

Well I like to think of myself as quietly authoritative. I only speak when I have something meaningful to say, which I think is a fairly good trait in and of itself, but I also rehearse conversations in my head in advance when it comes to meeting people/getting something done, so I usually have a presentation-like delivery regarding talking (or so people tell me). So I don't really feel like less of a man because there is such a thing as a strong, silent type, fortunately.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Leader and follower are not the only options. I consider myself more of a lone wolf. I follow my own rules.

Haha, that's what I was going to say. I'm neither a leader nor a follower, more a do-my-own-thinger.

 

[Mickery]

If it's holding you back then no, it's not desirable.

 

[Kiwong]

Nah. My shyness comes from a good place. Shyness is a good quality.

 

[thor01]

Leader and follower are not the only options. I consider myself more of a lone wolf. I follow my own rules.

Nah. My shyness comes from a good place. Shyness is a good quality.

I agree with both.

Although I don't know you, it may seem a problem in that way because you look at how men are "supposed" to be.
I know I'm not like most "men" in this way. But thats fine with me. I see the shyness as nice. Even if its more childish, oh well, I feel more a kid at heart anyway. Its just unnoticed and unapreciated sometimes. Probably because others don't dare step out of the pack either to appreciate it haha.

Moving forward in life seems a subjective thing too. The way I see other people moving forward doesn't seem right for me. I dont want to get married. I don't want children. I don't want to work in a "good" job that I find really stressful that deals with people and everything, jsut so I can have a house and material things. I dont want to go on dates. I don't feel the need for a degree in ordr to "get somehwere" in life. those yo mention who are "moving forward" arn't any better, or better off, when it comes down to it.

We are basically toght there is one path in life. And therefore feel pressure to conform to it. It doesnt have to be like that.

 

[Apotheosis]

Not at all, but my definition of manhood has nothing to do with personality and everything to do with great sex.

Anyways... nice weather we're having today.

 

[thor01]

Not at all, but my definition of manhood has nothing to do with personality and everything to do with great sex.

Anyways... nice weather we're having today.

I wouldnt see it like that with myself. Because I cant see myself being "the man" in a sexual situation. I'd still feel like a.....helpless boy, but I'd rather be dominated than be the dominant agressor myself. So I wouldnt see that as bad. Not that I would know this for sure as I havent experienced it haha. I imagine I'd find it more fulfilling to my personality this way.

And its been too warm.


Just kidding haha it has been nice.

 

[Apotheosis]

I wouldnt see it like that with myself. Because I cant see myself being "the man" in a sexual situation. I'd still feel like a.....helpless boy, but I'd rather be dominated than be the dominant agressor myself. Not that I would know this for sure as I havent experienced haha. I imagine I'd find it more fulfilling to my personality this way.

I never said anything about dominance.

Basically: gender is, by its very nature, a strictly sexual aspect of a person's identity. So as long as a person is happy with their sexual expression they're just as manly or womanly as anyone can be.

Gender "roles" in terms of masculinity and femininity are more the result of social precedent than anything else. Granted, hormones do create trends towards certain behavioral archetypes, but everyone has their own unique traits and blah blah biopsychology and whatnot, you get the point.

It's a bit more complex than that but I think if I go into too much detail it'd get a bit inappropriate for these forums. ::

But trust me on this: girls can be dominant in a VERY feminine way.

 

[Bustn Justin]

I find by being shy is that people do not take me seriously.

As for the follower/leader thing I just do what I want and that is cool with me.

 

[planemo]

Thanks for your responses. I just want to clarify that I mean "manliness" in terms of role, not in terms of sexuality.

It seems to be (and yes perhaps my perception is a bit too rigid) that men's role in society is generally SHYNESS FREE. I feel like a little boy, due to my shyness. It's almost as if (given my age) this shyness should be gone now, in order to fulfill certain roles and responsibilities which are regarded as acceptable and perhaps even necessary for an adult.

It's good to see that you guys are not bothered by shyness, but I'm afraid I am. It keeps me from growing into a fully functional adult. I know that what others do is not necessarily the Absolute Benchmark of happiness or success, but i'm beginning to wonder if being shy is just a trait unacceptable for an adult.

 

[thor01]

Thanks for your responses. I just want to clarify that I mean "manliness" in terms of role, not in terms of sexuality.

It seems to be (and yes perhaps my perception is a bit too rigid) that men's role in society is generally SHYNESS FREE. I feel like a little boy, due to my shyness. It's almost as if (given my age) this shyness should be gone now, in order to fulfill certain roles and responsibilities which are regarded as acceptable and perhaps even necessary for an adult.

It's good to see that you guys are not bothered by shyness, but I'm afraid I am. It keeps me from growing into a fully functional adult. I know that what others do is not necessarily the Absolute Benchmark of happiness or success, but i'm beginning to wonder if being shy is just a trait unacceptable for an adult.

If it were seen as unaaceptable for an adult then thats only because people look at what people are "supposed" to be at whatever age. Like we are given an image in the media of how things "are". People like us should accepted too. I just accept it myself. I'd prefer it that way than to attempt imitating how I feel I'm "supposed" to be, and just going along with the herd.
Its all social construct. Not really real. I think for me atleast feeling in this way like a kid or teenager helps keep my view on things, that is to see through whats false, in a way haha.

 

[LonelyWonders]

I don't consider that to be the definition of 'being a man' : P

 

[planemo]

If it were seen as unaaceptable for an adult then thats only because people look at what people are "supposed" to be at whatever age. Like we are given an image in the media of how things "are". People like us should accepted too. I just accept it myself. I'd prefer it that way than to attempt imitating how I feel I'm "supposed" to be, and just going along with the herd.
Its all social construct. Not really real. I think for me atleast feeling in this way like a kid or teenager helps keep my view on things, that is to see through whats false, in a way haha.

Ok so you're saying conventional society's view on the role males play, is fairly different from what a very shy male can fulfill. So is being left out the best we can hope for?

 

[thor01]

Yeah I guess.
As for being left out I think it depends on what areas you mean. But I guess I'd rather be left out if of something I dont want or see as stupid and fake anyway haha

 

[planemo]

Yeah I guess.
As for being left out I think it depends on what areas you mean. But I guess I'd rather be left out if of something I dont want or see as stupid and fake anyway haha

Yes i think that's a good attitude to have. I can only be what I can be, and if that doesn't fit the bill for what people want or expect, I guess i should rather do what's better for me, then try to meet others expectations.

 

[thor01]

Yes i think that's a good attitude to have. I can only be what I can be, and if that doesn't fit the bill for what people want or expect, I guess i should rather do what's better for me, then try to meet others expectations.

Exactly. I know its hard. When were bombarded so much by these expectations and of what other people do. But its not THE way. Its just A way we've been bombarded with haha. But of course you can try to be however YOU want to be. This is just my feeling and opinion.

 

[Mokkat]

Its not so much shyness that bothers me and my manhood. Its more the last 50 years of communication technologies/marketing uplifting the bold and leaving no room or appreciation for the humble.