k8steroonis
Active member
I always had a pretty good life and it's come as such a shock to my parents in the past 2 or so years that I've let this blushing issue basically run my life. Like I don't hang out with friends anymore, mainly because they're away at school, but also because I don't feel like I ever have anything to say and I'm gonna turn red anyway and seem like I don't believe in what I'm saying, even if I truly do, so what's the point.
I just feel like it's so hard to focus on any good qualities I have because I just wonder 24/7 how stressed I must look, therefore enhancing the stress. It's such a vicious cycle and I'd literally wish it on no one. Not even people I think are evil. I always thought I was a good person, but because I focus on so much bad especially within myself, I don't even have that anymore. I don't feel like a good person. Half the time I feel evil because I'm bringing this sadness so terribly upon myself and it's selfish because it's making those around me worried. I just don't know how to stop beating myself up. It's second nature now.
I realize that the only way to beat this is to just not care that it's happening and not check in all the time but I guess I have control issues or something because I feel the need to check in and control it even though that doesn't work and usually makes it worse, I just can't stop. I feel like I've all but lost who I am. It's so depressing.
So basically i etched out ETS as completely out of the question this past winter. I resolved to accept this problem and try and move on with my life as best I can. But I literally cannot. I've tried so hard. I've tried to not try. Nothing. I just can't let it go.
So I know everyone's really against it but if I could have some feeling that there's relief even if it's only for a short while and the blushing resurfaces 2 years from now. At least I'd have had 2 years where I didn't really have to worry about this. Because I worry about it so much I have terrible acne and acne scarring and I even got laser resurfacing to help my skin but my acne scarring is so deep, it only did so much and now I'm breaking out more, trying to face this problem. I just don't see any light and people look at me like I'm a freak. I get legitimate stares sometimes in public that make me feel horrible. Maybe they're not thinking what I think they're thinking but it doesn't matter because I know how I look and I know it's not pretty or even remotely normal looking.
I know everyone's hella against ETS but I'm willing to give it a go. Any thoughts, preferably in favor of ETS but, against it is welcome too.
I just feel like it's so hard to focus on any good qualities I have because I just wonder 24/7 how stressed I must look, therefore enhancing the stress. It's such a vicious cycle and I'd literally wish it on no one. Not even people I think are evil. I always thought I was a good person, but because I focus on so much bad especially within myself, I don't even have that anymore. I don't feel like a good person. Half the time I feel evil because I'm bringing this sadness so terribly upon myself and it's selfish because it's making those around me worried. I just don't know how to stop beating myself up. It's second nature now.
I realize that the only way to beat this is to just not care that it's happening and not check in all the time but I guess I have control issues or something because I feel the need to check in and control it even though that doesn't work and usually makes it worse, I just can't stop. I feel like I've all but lost who I am. It's so depressing.
So basically i etched out ETS as completely out of the question this past winter. I resolved to accept this problem and try and move on with my life as best I can. But I literally cannot. I've tried so hard. I've tried to not try. Nothing. I just can't let it go.
So I know everyone's really against it but if I could have some feeling that there's relief even if it's only for a short while and the blushing resurfaces 2 years from now. At least I'd have had 2 years where I didn't really have to worry about this. Because I worry about it so much I have terrible acne and acne scarring and I even got laser resurfacing to help my skin but my acne scarring is so deep, it only did so much and now I'm breaking out more, trying to face this problem. I just don't see any light and people look at me like I'm a freak. I get legitimate stares sometimes in public that make me feel horrible. Maybe they're not thinking what I think they're thinking but it doesn't matter because I know how I look and I know it's not pretty or even remotely normal looking.
I know everyone's hella against ETS but I'm willing to give it a go. Any thoughts, preferably in favor of ETS but, against it is welcome too.