Heartbroken before anything even started.

[Toomuchfear]

Hi guys. I'm a very friendly and chatty person- but I'm very, very lonely. My anxiety stops me from being my "real self", so no connections are made. Therefore I have very few friends, and when someone gives me a tiny bit of acceptance I'm so happy.

I met this very nice girl, not the most confident, but she was quite pretty and actually showed an interest in me- for once she asked the questions, not me. I sent her a valentines day card, her first! She loved it, we met up a few times, I could talk to her about anything :0 (I didn't mention SA, I've told women about my issues before- the ultimate attraction killer. In fact my anxiety was much less around her) We met a few times, it was going really well.

And then, she started to talk to me less and less to not at all. She's even moved back near to where I live for the summer. So I mentioned I don't work evenings, maybe we could meet for a catchup? but she says she's busy as she's looking for work. (Every evening...really?)
I guess it's obvious that's she's not interested in me, but I can't let go. For once- someone liked me, for so many years I've wanted it and now it's just gone I don't have very many people in my life, maybe I asked too much from her - but I never gain her any sign of desperation. (You can tell that I've been thinking about this too much!)

I'm so confused. I can't stop thinking about her. I wish someone would give me a chance

 

[CosmicNeurotica]

Man I wish I knew what to tell you.
I feel the exact same way when it comes to that. Not having many friends and actually feeling like you connect with the opposite sex, makes your heart feel so good. But it always goes away in the end. And where's your friends to support you?
Oh yeah there are none.
I try myself not to show so much interest, or at least try to stop myself from getting those feelings of lust, but it really is hard.
That's all I know, is it's very hard, so I just wanted to say I feel your pain friend.

I guess it's just a part of life we gotta deal with.
I just hope it doesn't happen too many more times because the feeling of a broken heart is the worst feeling in the world.

 

[Steppen-Wolf]

Man that's rough = /.

I can be really painful to start having hopes about someone for it to end before something meaningful even started.

I think the best thing you can do is to show that you have an interest in her, even for some time to come, but not to become desperate or obsessive.

Maybe she'll change her mind, maybe not, in any case you can at least know that you did what you could but it just wasn't meant to be.

 

[Anti Matter]

I've learned not to pursue relationships.

Because everytime....this always happens. What is the point?

Friends, relationships....Pointless.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

this happend to me except i'm a girl and he's a guy but whatever.. i wouldn't do karoke and other outgoing like activites with him, just sucks to feel awkward doing these fun things.... well they look fun, but it's hard to actually do them. Feel better soon, you're not alone!! Don't give up, just because you date someone for awhile doesn't mean it's going last forever but enjoy the moments you have, be yourself, and hope for the best

 

[Toomuchfear]

Thankyou for replying guys, It's hard when I've got no-one to talk about these sorts of things. If I see her, I will try again, and try not to come across as I love-deprived lunatic. I have nothing to lose.

The one thing that makes me happy in life is acceptance and love... it feels like someone is teasing me for sure

 

[CosmicNeurotica]

Thankyou for replying guys, It's hard when I've got no-one to talk about these sorts of things. If I see her, I will try again, and try not to come across as I love-deprived lunatic. I have nothing to lose.

The one thing that makes me happy in life is acceptance and love... it feels like someone is teasing me for sure

Yeah, in my experience I find the trying not to come across as desperate is the hardest part. Because the truth is we are love deprived desperate lunatics. lol but that it is important that you don't show it, because you will surely scare off a lot of women, and hate yourself more for it in the end.
I know that part from experience. It's just not a pretty thing.

Best of luck to you though, I'm rootin for you for sure.

 

[mart22n]

Hi Toomuchfear!

Your story sounds painfully familiar, bro, I had the exact same experience - everything was so beautiful with that lady, but unfortunately she "got reallllly busy at work". Still I've got a chance to meet her in a few weeks time, so thumbs up and let's see

Bottom line is, when you socialize, you get more chances to meet women. Life's a game of numbers. Painful, but true. You have to be taking action all the time, to deal with your issues and to become more social. That's the way out! For the start, I recommend an exercise I have just started: talk to 5 strangers per day, at bus stops or anywhere where people stop and are bored. Just say "Ain't this a beautiful weather today?" Then you can mention about the exercise, and interesting stuff may come into your life.

Don't worry, life's an opportunity and I believe when you put enough in, the outcome may be that you will find The Right One

 

[Toomuchfear]

Thanks bud; good luck with your meeting in a few weeks.

But talking to 5 strangers a day is too much of a big step for me, I'm not ready for that.....yet

 

[CosmicNeurotica]

Love is not for the weak. Putting yourself out there and risk having people reject you and damage your ego takes guts. There is someone out there that will love you for you.

Well said.

 

[Dronee]

Well, you have my empathy man. Hope it works out well for you.

 

[Kinetik]

Life is counterintuitive. We have this belief that the more we talk to someone, the more of a connection we'll build up with them, but that is far from always the case. You have to consider that the mind of an average young woman probably works completely differently to yours. She clearly does not share the same sense of relationship progression that you have stipulated in your head. You are emotionally attached to the situation whereas she is not, so your level of expectation has been way off. As tough as it is, she wants to explore her options and probably does like you on some level, but is not willing to commit to it. You have to take your cues from this, not let it get to you, try to get out into the world more, and think along the lines of diversification.

The best times I've had with women have nearly ALL been spontaneous situations (ie. random nights out etc). Now, I don't know exactly why this is, but I'm guessing that it has something to do with taking advantage of instant chemistry that would otherwise fizzle if left for too long. That's why I don't do this endless pining-after-one-girl thing. If too much time goes by, you're not only missing other opportunities, you're leaving yourself wide open for hurt and rejection by putting all your eggs in this one basket.

So if I could give you one piece of advice, it would be to not get hung up any one woman, especially if it's not a sure thing. If you look at what this girl is doing, you can actually learn a lot from it. She's out there, living her life, probably mixing with other people, and she's got you thinking about her. Wouldn't you like that for yourself? Try talking to different women, even if it's just on the computer for now. If you do that, you'll spread the potential hurt by not having too much hinging on one single outcome. Other than that I would say look after yourself, live well, keep yourself busy, pursue your own objectives and interests, and be your own hero, basically. I think if you can do that you'll be positively surprised by the results.