HEEEEY OVERR HEREE READ ME!! :p

[aligurl09]

HEY! I JUST WANTED TO START A GENERAL DISCUSSION ABOUT SOCIAL ANXIETY. HERE ARE A FEW QUESTIONS THAT I HAVE...

IN WHICH SITUATIONS IS YOUR SA THE WORST?
HAS IT EVER GOTTEN SO BAD THAT YOU EXPERIENCED AVOIDANCE BEHAVIOR?
WHEN DID YOU REALIZE THAT SA WAS CONTROLLING YOUR LIFE?
HAVE YOU GOTTEN ANY HELP FOR IT AND IF YOU HAVE.. WHAT DID YOU DO?

HEY I DEF HAVE SA AND THANK GOD I FOUND THIS SITE CUZ NOW I CAN TALK TO PPL WHO KNOW WTF IM GOING THRU ALRIGHTY.. AND IF THERES NETHING ELSE OTHER THEN THOSE QUESTIONS.. JUS LET ME KNOW ABOUT NETHING DEALING WITH SA U FEEL I SHOULD KNOW.. THANK YOU


LATER

 

[Nightshade]

Hi aligurl09

IN WHICH SITUATIONS IS YOUR SA THE WORST?

It is quite variable, I'm not shy and am happy to do things like public speaking. The problem is the interaction, and specifically social interaction, I do ok in a work situation if people only talk about work and don't ask me something like how was your weekend? The most dominating fear for me is the fear of blushing, there are little trigger situations and suddenly I'll feel myself start blushing and I will fall apart (or I was until I started treatment). I have problems with single men, I am really anxious about how I should behave to give the appropriate signals. I am afraid of giving and receiving invitations.

I have specific SA but there are now so many specific situations that it is a constant major problem.

HAS IT EVER GOTTEN SO BAD THAT YOU EXPERIENCED AVOIDANCE BEHAVIOR?

I have tried exposing myself to anxiety causing situations and it never helped. I do a lot of avoidance from minor avoidance like carefully monitoring what I say, to avoiding eye contact to just not going some places or talking to some people. Or I did. I'm getting better now.

WHEN DID YOU REALIZE THAT SA WAS CONTROLLING YOUR LIFE?

I knew that something was causing me problems for a long time. But I realised that I had this particular treatable problem with a name (ie social phobia) only a couple of months ago.

HAVE YOU GOTTEN ANY HELP FOR IT AND IF YOU HAVE.. WHAT DID YOU DO?

I went to my doctor and said "I have a problem with blushing" and explained the basic issue to her (I had no idea about social anxiety, I just knew that blushing was a problem). She said "I think cognitive behavioural therapy might help you" and refered me to a psychologist.

Also I had been sent a link to a book on blushing and when I went to Amazon to order it another book came up on the "people who bought this book also bought X" list. It was about social anxiety and shyness and treatment with CBT. When I bought this book I didn't think I had a problem with social anxiety, and I knew I wasn't shy. I just thought it would be good to find out about CBT.

When the book arrived I read it from cover to cover and thought, ooooookay, it is relevant to me. I'm a bloody classic case.

Link to the book:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A...79/sr=2-1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/102-6631545-2756927

In case the link doesn't work - look up the author Gillian Butler on Amazon and that will get you to the book.

Now I am working through the book and seeing the psychologist (about every fortnight at the moment).

As far as medication goes, I have been on anti-depressant medication for years and it also helps the anxiety a little, but not that much. Certainly medication alone has not been the answer for me.

Hope this is useful.

 

[applesewer]

IN WHICH SITUATIONS IS YOUR SA THE WORST? In social situations.

Kidding. I guess in group discussions.

HAS IT EVER GOTTEN SO BAD THAT YOU EXPERIENCED AVOIDANCE BEHAVIOR?

Well, I used to stay in my room every time there was a family party at our house, and not come out till it was over. Is that avoidance behaviour?

WHEN DID YOU REALIZE THAT SA WAS CONTROLLING YOUR LIFE?

I think I’ve always kept my SA under control…just about. But actually it was just the other week that I realized how much freedom I’m still compromising due to SA. So it’s not totally under control…yet.

HAVE YOU GOTTEN ANY HELP FOR IT AND IF YOU HAVE.. WHAT DID YOU DO?

Nah…apart from talking to my mum and searching the net and finding wonderful sites like this one!


As for other questions, I’ve got a couple more things that I wonder about sometimes. You don’t have to answer them if you don’t want to, but I’ll write them down anyway.

1] DOES IT TAKE YOU A LONG TIME TO GET TO SLEEP?
2] WOULD YOU SAY YOU WERE QUITE AN INDEPENDENT PERSON?
3] ARE YOU SPONTANEOUS OR DO YOU PLAN THINGS?
4] DOES SA (OR ANY MEDICAL ILLNESS) RUN IN YOUR FAMILY?

AND LASTLY

5] DO YOU WANT TO TOTALLY RID YOURSELF OF SA? OR ARE YOU IN ANY WAY FOND OF SOME ASPECTS THAT SA HAS BOUGHT TO YOUR CHARACTER? (YOU CAN SAY BOTH IF YOU WANT!)

p.s. I'm reading that book nightshade mentioned too....it's definitely worth reading!

 

[aligurl09]

1] DOES IT TAKE YOU A LONG TIME TO GET TO SLEEP? not usually
2] WOULD YOU SAY YOU WERE QUITE AN INDEPENDENT PERSON? yes
3] ARE YOU SPONTANEOUS OR DO YOU PLAN THINGS? plan things
4] DOES SA (OR ANY MEDICAL ILLNESS) RUN IN YOUR FAMILY? i dont think so.. my mom says she thinks she has some type of anxiety but idk if its sa

 

[JWH]

1] DOES IT TAKE YOU A LONG TIME TO GET TO SLEEP? When there is nothing to occupy me especially during holidays, yes.
2] WOULD YOU SAY YOU WERE QUITE AN INDEPENDENT PERSON? Not at all.
3] ARE YOU SPONTANEOUS OR DO YOU PLAN THINGS? I need to plan things, but I will be spontaneous at times, but even then I have to plan.
4] DOES SA (OR ANY MEDICAL ILLNESS) RUN IN YOUR FAMILY? My SP has developed (I feel) due to an intense awareness I gained from my father and a lack of coordination from my mother. As a result I'm very aware of my faults. I would also say there is an OCD tendency in there. Neither parents exhibit SP though.
5] DO YOU WANT TO TOTALLY RID YOURSELF OF SA? OR ARE YOU IN ANY WAY FOND OF SOME ASPECTS THAT SA HAS BOUGHT TO YOUR CHARACTER? (YOU CAN SAY BOTH IF YOU WANT!) Actively working to change myself and my habits. It all starts with change - a change in behaviour, routine and attitude. I'm sure I will never be able to talk to someone whom I consider a peer directly without shying away, but I hope to at least function a little better in society. I can't say that I'm fond of my character.

 

[Nightshade]

1] DOES IT TAKE YOU A LONG TIME TO GET TO SLEEP?

Not particularly. Sometimes my mind is racing and then it can be difficult as I'm running things over and over in my head and generally obsessing, but I'm usually exhausted by the end of the day and then I read or do crosswords until I can barely keep my eyes open. I'm naturally a night owl. Waking up in the morning is horrible though.

2] WOULD YOU SAY YOU WERE QUITE AN INDEPENDENT PERSON?

Yes, very much so. Other people have made that comment about me too. I have a strong need for time on my own, this is something that I think was there in me long before I developed social anxiety problems.

I've also always done things very much in my own way.

3] ARE YOU SPONTANEOUS OR DO YOU PLAN THINGS?

I think things through a lot so I'm probably a planner. Only I'm quite disorganised and often just never get around to things (except at work where I work very hard to maintain discipline and organisation in myself). Sometimes I do spontaneous stuff and that is cool, but that is usually following other people.

4] DOES SA (OR ANY MEDICAL ILLNESS) RUN IN YOUR FAMILY?

In my adoptive family, not really. My genetic family is full of people who range from "slightly odd" to "occasional episodes of depression etc" to "charmingly eccentric" to "seriously ill and under compulsary medication orders". Since most members of my genetic family seldom talk about mental illness etc I don't exactly know what they have (if indeed half of them have any diagnosis).

5] DO YOU WANT TO TOTALLY RID YOURSELF OF SA? OR ARE YOU IN ANY WAY FOND OF SOME ASPECTS THAT SA HAS BOUGHT TO YOUR CHARACTER? (YOU CAN SAY BOTH IF YOU WANT!)

I'm not sure to be honest. When I look back at what I was like when I was younger, I'd love to be like I was when I really didn't care what people thought of me and just went my own way. I still had anxiety problems, but they mostly weren't about what people thought of me. In fact I think I was one of the least self-conscious people that I knew.

On the other hand I don't think other people liked me so much, my mother was always trying to remind me that I should LISTEN to other people and not just talk about myself and whatever interested me at the time. And I got bullied a lot, and laughed at. I think I was blunt and insensitive to others as well.

I tried to fix it (I believed that I was a horrible person for being like this and I should be different). And I went too far and got the opposite problem.

Somewhere in between there must be somewhere that is more socially acceptable than me as a child, and more comfortable and happy than me as an adult. I'm looking for it and I WILL find it (you know the saying, with this much manure, there must be a pony in here somewhere).

By the way, good questions, Aligurl09 and Worrywort.

My question would be:

ARE YOU NATURALLY SHY?

You see I'm most definitely not. I often hear social anxiety and shyness linked, yet I talked to one of my childhood friends who was the shyest person I knew when we were at school together, and she was quite definite that she didn't experience the kind of anxiety that I have. It seems to me that shy people are more likely to develop disorders with social anxiety, but you can be shy without a social anxiety problem, and have a social anxiety problem without really being shy.

 

[tommydog]

1] DOES IT TAKE YOU A LONG TIME TO GET TO SLEEP ?

When i used to have bad sp and panic attacks .. that was over 3 years ago .. i cant remember. Now .. yes .. sometimes .. if im thinking about something too much .. though im not sure thats sp related.

2] WOULD YOU SAY YOU WERE QUITE AN INDEPENDENT PERSON ?

hmmm. Yes and No. I suppose i would probably lean toward yes.

3] ARE YOU SPONTANEOUS OR DO YOU PLAN THINGS ?

I plan things when im meeting a new girl one on one .. but not over the top .. just really my first few charming lines, how i swing my arm around and present a bunch of flowers, stuff like that :lol:

Otherwise, no, i think im definetly a spontaneous person .. impulse buyer .. impulse relatively serious decisions .. so yer. I believe in go with your gut feeling and do what feels good ... then deal with the consequences if you screw it up. Too much thinking and planning is no good either in my book.

4] DOES SA (OR ANY MEDICAL ILLNESS) RUN IN YOUR FAMILY ?

Most of my family is very confident. The men on my dads side are very outgoing and confident in particular. My grandad was a bit shy .. and my mum is quite shy aswell.

5] DO YOU WANT TO TOTALLY RID YOURSELF OF SA? OR ARE YOU IN ANY WAY FOND OF SOME ASPECTS THAT SA HAS BOUGHT TO YOUR CHARACTER? (YOU CAN SAY BOTH IF YOU WANT!)

yes ofcourse i want to get rid of it ... completely. I guess having to deal with it for all these years has taught me things thats probly true .. but if i could have a choice to go back, i definetly would change the fact that i ever had sp and wish to take a different path.

ARE YOU NATURALLY SHY?

Im not sure. Its hard to say .. ummm .. i dont know. I mean before i had developed sp .. yes i would have described myself as shy. But now .. with my extra life experience .. i really dont think that im that shy .. maybe a little .. but not really. Take away the sp and yer i still would be no extrovert but i wouldnt quite describe as shy. Iv learned alot of agression in the past year i think .. not bad aggression .. just necessary aggression, or survival aggression

 

[applesewer]

ARE YOU NATURALLY SHY?

No, me neither! I’ve never thought I was shy. But I’m not sure what exactly is shyness. It’s hard to tell whether it’s SA or shyness. But I know I’ve never lacked confidence or self esteem. And I know when I’m around people I’m comfortable with, like my family, then I can be pretty forward and I actually get pretty extroverted and loud at times too, so I wouldn’t say I was shy.

As for my Q’s, the reason why I asked them was cause I was just wondering what kinds of things are consistent between SA sufferers. I especially thought the sleeping thing might be a similarity we all have because I’ve always thought the reason why it takes me ages to get to sleep is because I can’t turn my brain off…I’m just constantly thinking all day. And I thought that was supposed to be connected to SA…this “rumination” thing!
Sometimes I can get to sleep within about 10-20 mins, but generally it takes nearer an hour. And the longer it takes the more I worry…especially if I have something important the next day.

I also thought the fact that I plan things might be connected and the fact that I’m very independent. I don’t mind taking advise from people but I HAVE to figure things out myself and do things my own way.
(I’m answering my own questions here…is that vain?..…insane maybe!!??)

But anyway, as for my last question, I really feel like having SA has bought some very valuable traits to my character. I think I’m more considerate and thoughtful because of it and I’m sure it comes out in my music and makes it better, which is all that matters to me really at the end of the day.