Hello hello

[twist3d]

I used to post here under username "persona" but I felt ashamed by what I wrote (as always) so I deleted it all and my account was deactivated.

I'm 19 years old, female and I have social anxiety. Among with other problems.
I have given up about it and don't need help, but since I have zero friends and can't talk to my family about this, I came here because this is the only place where I can "meet" people with same issues.
I am especially looking for other people who have "given up" about SA.


So, I have no friends, never dated, dropped out of school twice, no hobbies, no life, no redeeming qualities really. I loathe myself and sometimes the rest of the world (I am bitter, unfortunately).
I can't speak a sentence without stuttering, forgetting words and making a fool of myself. I screw up everything, I'm dumb (depression gave me memory problems, brain fog, can't concentrate etc), I am ashamed of my looks, everything, when I am with people. I would love to hide in a cabin but it is not possible. Shame is my most common feeling, I used to feel sad but I'm kinda emotionally dead nowadays lol.

I'm pretty boring but if you want someone to vent to I am good at listening. And I wont tell you to snap out of it because I believe some people are born in hell and when they die, it's probably more hell coming lol.

 

[kihira]

Wow! You're interesting already Welcome back!

 

[Ignace]

You sound like I hear myself speaking. (Strange, I say this a lot nowadays)

Welcome, you'll enjoy being around here.

 

[EasySkanking]

Bah! Sad to hear twist3d...

You sound like a very interesting person though , well to me at least (I'm pretty weird, so...)

Welcome

 

[twist3d]

Thank you all for replying. Feels good to be back

You sound like I hear myself speaking. (Strange, I say this a lot nowadays)

Welcome, you'll enjoy being around here.

If you think the same way, I would love to chat with you.

 

[coyote]

Hi, welcome back!

 

[Minty]

Welcome back! :3

I've given up too because I don't think anything will help me. Maybe one day when they have a better way of describing what I have other than "it's low self-esteem", I'll look into it again.

I don't think people know enough about our disorder yet. So I'm going to keep living my reclusive life style which keeps me fairly content.

 

[DespairSoul]

Hello Twisted

Girl you are not alone. I feel the same. Like i talk to myself really.
I already feel ashamed for this what i wrote here and im newbie user yea.
And already i have this paranoic thinking what others cant think about me.
I give up all the time. Now i will try last thing and this will be get some help
therapy if not help i propably give up completely. This is really no live and i dont want to feel that way what i feel. I feel like my head will soon explode and my brain round round play me negative thougts like broken tape. Propably i will change nickname too as i know me if i will go from here out and again comeback. But i have this little harder coz anyway everyone recognize is me coz i dont have soo good english LOL welcome im to bitter and pls dont bite me ok?I will too not i promise!

 

[EscapeArtist]

Hey good on you for admitting about your old account. I always feel ashamed for whatever I write on here as well

I have not ' given up '... on SA but I am in a temporary kind of hopeless...er.. stage, that does make it appear that I have given up.

Oh, i'm quite bitter as well. -cheers-
Anyways, welcome! You're young so I hope that your hope does come back to you in beating this thing. You never know

 

[mismeek]

you will fit right in here trust me!

 

[hoddesdon]

There is no need to feel ashamed, and therefore no need to delete your posts.

There is no need to give up either - it may be worthwhile for you to look at UnOccupied's posts.

There may appear to be a vicious cycle in place, but if you remove one or more parts of the interlocking system then the whole thing can fall to pieces. One of the parts is the feeling that there is no hope.

 

[twist3d]

Again, thanks for everyone for your nice replies and tips!

Welcome back! :3

I've given up too because I don't think anything will help me. Maybe one day when they have a better way of describing what I have other than "it's low self-esteem", I'll look into it again.

I don't think people know enough about our disorder yet. So I'm going to keep living my reclusive life style which keeps me fairly content.

Hi and thank you for replying!

I feel the same way about people not understanding these issues. All doctors I have talked to, they talk about self esteem and cheering up and being lazy etc and they don't understand that I have bad self esteem mostly BECAUSE of SA, I wouldn't feel so bad if I was able to interact with people.
Maybe you can only understand mental illness if you've had it. That's how I see it.

I wish I could just go 100% recluse but I have to go to school and then to work. I think I would be my happiest being completely alone.

Good luck for you!

Hello Twisted

Girl you are not alone. I feel the same. Like i talk to myself really.
I already feel ashamed for this what i wrote here and im newbie user yea.
And already i have this paranoic thinking what others cant think about me.
I give up all the time. Now i will try last thing and this will be get some help
therapy if not help i propably give up completely. This is really no live and i dont want to feel that way what i feel. I feel like my head will soon explode and my brain round round play me negative thougts like broken tape. Propably i will change nickname too as i know me if i will go from here out and again comeback. But i have this little harder coz anyway everyone recognize is me coz i dont have soo good english LOL welcome im to bitter and pls dont bite me ok?I will too not i promise!

Hello!
I don't have perfect english either, it isn't my first language. So it's okay.
I actually often talk to myself, well not really out loud but like I think discussions and I "whisper" it sometimes. Hard to explain, but I basically have discussions inside my head lol.
You are right, this is no way to live. I wish there was a way out but I just don't see it happening. Good luck for you though!
And I will add you as my friend so we can chat.

There is no need to feel ashamed, and therefore no need to delete your posts.

There is no need to give up either - it may be worthwhile for you to look at UnOccupied's posts.

There may appear to be a vicious cycle in place, but if you remove one or more parts of the interlocking system then the whole thing can fall to pieces. One of the parts is the feeling that there is no hope.

Thank you, I will look at posts by UnOccupied!