Here it goes...

[4seasons]

Alright this is going to be a very embarrassing topic for me to bring up and at the same time i don't want to offend anyone. The only reason why i can find the courage to talk about this right now is because im drunk. About 3 years ago i used to smoke a lot of weed with a group of friends, 2 i knew well and about 5 not so well..anyway... while i was with them when i was i all ways felt different and my mind was racing with thoughts about everything. One night i thought "hey, im so different from everyone else, these people are treating me differently, what if in some way i am mentally delayed or something like that". when i sobered up i thought wow thats a ridiculous thought. However, from that time forward whenever i got high i thought the same thing and one time i went out on a limb and spoke up to two close friends of mine, i found they acted very odd when i brought this up(which could mean anything but i fear it meant the worse). This is the last time i smoked weed for a long time. For months i researched everything i could think of, and i'd come up with a similarity here and there relating to me with different disorders and disabilities. I knew my sister had something that had to do with paranoia and stress so i asked her about it and she said she had a lot of anxiety (she is on paxel). So i researched anxiety and found this forum and a lot of other pages that explained everything i was feeling so i have allways assumed i had really bad socila anxiety. Ever since all of that it has all ways been in the back of my mind "what if" or "why is this person treating me this way" like this guy is talking to me like i'm a 5 year old....ect... I have been looking for clues since then because of this and would all ways actually come up with some, and sometimes i would think i am crazy for thinking that I'm "mentally challenged". Its just so mixed. I have already typed a post that is way to long haha so i'll cut to it. Tonight i found this..... http://www.thiswayoflife.com/friendship.html ....and i scared the hell out of me, and i just don't know what to think or what to do, so i'll ask it here. Is it possible that I'm autistic. Like is this something someone would know about themselves, or have to find out, or is it something an autistic person would never know?...i know there is smart people here, please help me.

PS: Sorry about how long this is, but there is a lot on my mind and still a lot more. Thanks for reading. I don't want to come off as ignorant either so if i offend anyone here i am very sorry. I just cant live with this on my mined anymore. Its just that tonight at supper my mom was talking about an autistic person that goes to her gym with my step dad and she said there is different "degrees" of autism and the way they brought it up seemed a little random and the way they talked about it was very delicate. It just got my min "racing" again......one of those "clues" i all ways seem to pick up on. Just to add I'm 18 i've always felt immature. Ex. CANNOT for the life of me start a conversation with a girl or ask a girl out, i'm just to damn scared. Theres a lot more to this also i just brought up the more important points. Again thank you for reading....and for those of you think "i'm not touching this with a 10 foot pole", i really need some help here.

 

[Moonlight_Magic]

Would you call it an obsession at all (an intrusive thought that keeps recurring?). Do you have any compulsions that are linked to it when it? (ie i repeat actions, phrases or words to myself (in my head for the latter so people cant hear me) in sets of 4 to avoid bad things from happening or just so that they feel right)
Do you have any other intrusive thoughts?

I ask because i have a bit of OCD at times and i once had a recurring fear that i was suffering from schizophrenia or psychosis and spent hours researching it to alleviate my fears. The thought "What if" i had that disorder terrified me.

OCD likes throwing 'What ifs' at you and it can have you running around in circles some days.

What if i have schizophrenia and dont know it
What if i lose control of myself and hurt myself or someone else?
What if i get that chemical on my skin and it results in my becoming ill
What if i dont flick that light switch 16 times and the house burns down as a result
What if
What if
What if
What if
What if

I dont know if that sounds anything like what you are experiencing but the 'what if i have autism' aspect of your post struck a cord with me.

Edited to add that as someone else said, SA can make you over analyse, almost any anxiety disorder does. I saw aspects of myself in regards to liking time alone, not liking crowds, prefering the company of just one or two people, finding socialising exhausting etc but i doubt i have autism. I did well at academics, very well indeed (average A grade) and i dont have a problem empathising with people or picking up on subtle cues etc (infact i can sense what mood someone is in the minute they walk into the room especially if they are in a bad mood, you can feel the negative energy a mile off and it tends to put you in a bad mood as well). Its the idea of having to mix with people that scares me simply because they can be so hurtful and im so very over sensitive.

I also love my routine (im very routine and i hate change) but that i put down to my anxiety - i get very stressed out if my routine is forced to change (ie i eat the same icecream every saturday, same flavour, same brand and have done for years but the last time the shop i go to sold out of it and i couldnt get a tub, i burst into tears over it. Yes i am in my 30's but i like my icecream damn it! OCD can make you very routine at times as can other types of anxiety and depression).

A lot of what you may be feeling (ive looked at autism symptoms) can be explained by anxiety as well.

PN i didnt burst into tears in the shop i waited until i was on my own and then called a freind to see if they could get the icecream from elsewhere as they have a car and can drive around looking for it. I got my icecream in the end so all worked out well.

Im a bit odd, i know, but my friends and family are used to my quirks etc

Moonlight

 

[shon]

........

 

[dottie]

4seasons, i have had the exact same question about myself, wondering if i have some degree of autism that was simply never addressed. in fact i made a post about it somewhere, maybe it was my introductory post. i feel like the way i respond to the world is so different (physically and mentally like hypersensitive) than most people and with this i spend all of my focus trying to appear normal and like i am not so responsive to my environment. in some situations i am pretty good at blending in, in other situations (very interactive, social situations) i am a sore thumb.

i relate with your post very much because, like you, this question of being autistic was brought about by smoking weed. if i am around people while smoking my anxiety is heightened and my mind and heart races. i compared my high to other peoples' high. why do i become so incredibly disfunctional? why are they simply relaxed? how can they still think so clearly while it takes me daaaaays for something to register? is this lapse in registering thoughts while i am stoned proportionally relative to how long it takes me to register things while i am sober? when i smoke weed many of my thoughts are so disjointed that i can often make zero interpretation of other peoples' thoughts... it's like i cannot judge what they are thinking/feeling therefore i have nothing to play off of. this often creates a panic in me. i hope you are following me. see, as a coping mechanism, i am dependant upon how other people are feeling/thinking so i can guage how to appropriately act around them.

i cannot really offer you advice because i feel like i have a lot of the same questions you do.

 

[SilentType]

Autism comes in a lot of different forms, most of which can be disgnosed in early childhood. However, I was having this exact thought (What if I'm autistic?) after watching a talk show about it yesterday and I did some research on it. Yes, it's true that most autistic people have social impairment (so do I). Also, autistic children are usually put in a special needs class in school, either with "slower" students or in the gifted program, depending on what part of the brain is affected (I happened to be put in the gifted class very early on in school). This makes the line between my SA and possible autism so vague that I just need a doctors help. Autism can be diagnosed with a brain scan, so if you suspect you may be autistic and have insurance that will cover it, I would get a brain scan done to check it out. It's nearly impossible to diagnose autism at this age, simply because we may have just been living with it for so long and are used to it... Hope that helped.

Peace

 

[shon]

Autism comes in a lot of different forms, most of which can be disgnosed in early childhood. However, I was having this exact thought (What if I'm autistic?) after watching a talk show about it yesterday and I did some research on it. Yes, it's true that most autistic people have social impairment (so do I). Also, autistic children are usually put in a special needs class in school, either with "slower" students or in the gifted program, depending on what part of the brain is affected (I happened to be put in the gifted class very early on in school). This makes the line between my SA and possible autism so vague that I just need a doctors help. Autism can be diagnosed with a brain scan, so if you suspect you may be autistic and have insurance that will cover it, I would get a brain scan done to check it out. It's nearly impossible to diagnose autism at this age, simply because we may have just been living with it for so long and are used to it... Hope that helped.

Peace

Sounds more like Asperger's since people with that can speak well and it's harder to diagnose because it's so mild.

 

[SilentType]

Asperger syndrome lies within the bounds of the autism spectrum of disorders...

Peace

 

[shon]

Asperger syndrome lies within the bounds of the autism spectrum of disorders...

Peace

Yes, I know. Why do u get smart? I won't try to help anymore, OK?

 

[SilentType]

I appreciate your help, I just didn't realize I had left a mystery diagnosis... Sorry for being a bit of a smartass.

Peace

 

[Primrose]

nvd

 

[4seasons]

Thank you all very much for reading and replying. Moonlight, i don't think i have OCD because i don't "over worry" about anything. However this is something i would call an obsession , its like i know there is nothing wrong with me but it keeps popping into my head, and when it does i look for clues in everything and i get very depressed.I have to tell myself to shutup. For an example I'm a cashier in a grocery store and sometimes customers talk to me like I'm 5 years old, one time some guy asked me "are you going to have a good life" and i was completely puzzled by this, maybe its because he saw i was young, just out of school and i do have my whole life ahead of me, but it still strikes me as an odd question. But another one is how my supervisor explains stuff to me, haha she talks to me like I'm a moron and i feel so much disrespect directed towards me from her. Maybe people treat me like this because i have SA and they see that I'm really shy? Does anyone else find this?

Dottie, i can relate to exactly how you feel when I'm high. I observe and analyze EVERYTHING about me and other people, down to every detail, and pick everything apart and try to find an answer for everything. But if someone speaks to me i have a blank mind and can't answer the way I'd want to. Its like when I'm high i just hate myself, who i am, what i look like, how i act...ect.
This is why i stopped, it just not fun for me.

Silentdude, i was in those classes as well early in elementry school and my first two years of junior high, for only english and math though. I have been told that i have a learning disability but apparently from what i have been told its nothing to serious. That is another thing that always got me thinking.

Seems like i over-react to this only when i have been drinking or high but the other night when i made this post i felt like i "figured something out"....just like i do every time i get high. But now that i am sober it seems ridiculous ........again thanks a lot for reading guys, i appreciate it.