Hesitation to reply due to potential consequences?

believesomething

believesomething

Active member
I've wondered, ever since starting to read (and post) on this site (and others like it), how many people worry about the consequences of posting replies, especially when people are seriously down / considering unhealthy options? This is more than just the classic SA fear of speaking up, more a challenge between the concern over the potentional consequences versus the guilt associated with not trying in some way to help....

I'm not a qualified psychologist / psychiatrist, and I know most here aren't, and that most people (incl. myself) are dealing with their own challenges. Equally I know that the point of these sites is not for medical professionals to help people - it's more to create a community, and to support and share within that community (imho). Personally I enjoy that comfort and support that comes from the feeling of community, knowing that others share similar thoughts and feelings and challenges.

But the challenge comes when someone posts and is really reaching out for help, but is considering options that are serious, or seems very very low at the time. Part of me wants to post, but not just something token, something that might help in some little way. The other part of me is scared that by offering my opinion, or even just by offering my positive support, well that this could be the thing that pushes the person away further, perhaps leaving them feeling even less understood, more isolated, or worse.

Does anyone else know where I'm coming from? Has anyone had any good or bad experiences along these lines?
 
Bexi

Bexi

Well-known member
Bexi agrees with u! I always worry ill piss som1 off or make them feel worse, as tactful as i try to be! I havent seen any nasty or bad comments so far, has anyone?? but then i havent been on here that long. I think probably the main worry with forums is that u can only type ur replies and support, and therefore ppl will interpret ur advice/opinion in differing ways, some positive/ some negative perhaps. When im really down i know im mega sensitive xxx
 
Jack7

Jack7

Well-known member
It's not often possible to know the circumstances involved behind a person's post. They might be a person seeking attention, or they might be someone who is making a last ditch attempt to keep themselves from really losing it. My advice to anyone would be that if you think your reply might be taken badly, it'd probably be best not to post it. I dunno though, I'm a bit thick so I'm probably wrong lol :wink:
 
M

MadCat

Well-known member
I also don't reply to stuff like that much. I don't want to make it worser for the person but at the same time I'll often shrug that off and figure that if I don't offer some kind of opinion that maybe no one else will...while that's never really true or common it does happen.

Each person is different and each person gets pushed away by different things. I knwo for sure that when people reply to my posts with something so shallow I will instantly fall apart and feel really bad.

Sometimes the same old responses make me think people are robots and just have no idea what I am going through. I'm trying to get past all of these things but it's very difficult.

Sometimes I want to die and other times I don't but I have had my chance to kill myself increased by some replies but also reduced by others..but, for the recordwhen I am ignored or no one replies that can also make my % of death increase or decrease. I suppose there's no real solution but to take a risk.

If you don't maybe someone will..but if you don't and no one else does, that could make that person will be dead for example. There's your guilt.

Ignoring it will not solve the guilt I don't think.
 
Toad

Toad

Well-known member
yeah i know what you're saying...many times ive typed out a reply just to delete it in the end...i dunno...nothing i say is intended to hurt anyone so maybe i should just hit submit from now on rather than delete.
 
blubs

blubs

Well-known member
yes...I worry about that if I ever post a reply, because I know how vulnerable people can be...
I don't always say things in the best way probably...thats part of my own social anxiety. When someone seems to be asking for help or support, I do try to say something, because I think it would be worse if someone opened up about their problems...and no one answered. But I've also thought of trying to post replies to some people, and then changed my mind in case I say something insensitive or flippant, that might make them worse.
I asked for some help and was so glad I got some advice at the time.
 
black_mamba

black_mamba

Well-known member
believesomething said:
But the challenge comes when someone posts and is really reaching out for help, but is considering options that are serious, or seems very very low at the time. Part of me wants to post, but not just something token, something that might help in some little way. The other part of me is scared that by offering my opinion, or even just by offering my positive support, well that this could be the thing that pushes the person away further, perhaps leaving them feeling even less understood, more isolated, or worse.
Click to expand...

Social Phobia is funny isn't it? When we're not over analysing our thoughts and behaviours we analyse the potential outcomes of support given by and to other socially phobic people. (I agree btw, I often too feel a little aprehensive about giving advice. I just try to be as sincere as I can).

I also sometimes feel like hiding my sypmtoms because I worry about upsetting other people with harsher ones. Catch 22 again because I don't feel 100% comfy about discussing my problems when this is the entire reason the forum exists.

And I've never really been offended by any posts here. Not even the ones who were aiming to delibertely offend. I guess I've become numb from all my extreme pessimism. *shrugs* Plus this place doesn't seem real, you're all talking/typing to each other but it's hard to believe you are all real people! :lol:
 
last2no

last2no

Member
I feel the same way. However from my own experience, I appreciate every reply even the negative. Although I would feel embarrass and stupid.

Often time I don't reply because I feel like my words won't help or that what I have to say isn't worthy for posting.

Actually by posting this reply, I'm taking a big risk and a big step.
 
black_mamba

black_mamba

Well-known member
last2no said:
Often time I don't reply because I feel like my words won't help or that what I have to say isn't worthy for posting.
Click to expand...

Me too, there is a limit on how much advice can be given sometimes, but I think the amount of support that can be expressed is infinite. :)

Blubs you're real? Cool. I'm just a computer programme designed to act like a female human being. :D
 
blubs

blubs

Well-known member
Hmmmm.........
I don't believe you...you're no machine-lady
you like snacking too much :p
 
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