Littlewing13
Active member
I'm a noob here. Just been diagnosed with SAD & depression a couple of months ago. I'm on citalopram currently & seeing a psychologist for help but I thought joining this forum would help me feel less alone & hopefully hear what works for others & maybe share my experiences too.
My story:
Basically I think I've always had this. I was a shy, scared kid. My parents tried to encourage me to be more social by signing me up to as many dance/drama/performance classes as possible. I hated them. I hated school. Teachers called me "painfully shy" and said I was too quiet. Mum & dad always told me everyone feels scared sometimes & that I should just do it anyway. I was terrified of sport, never really any good at it. I ate a lot & became the fat kid at school. I got teased.
In high school I got kicked out of a couple of groups. I guess I always felt awkward. I remember often feeling like I was being watched. There were a few times I got depressed & thought about ending it all. Towards the end of school though I slimmed down & became more popular. I still felt awkward but not as depressed. I got a job in retail & this taught me to deal with people, I didn't like it but I did it anyway & became really good at pretending I was normal. I told myself "fake it till you make it" it worked for a while.
After school I studied a bit of psychology at uni. I didn't like it. I guess deep down I wanted to learn about myself. Also the class environment was intimidating & if I had to do a presentation, I couldn't. I wouldn't. I failed those units.
Then I got into hairdressing. I still didn't know about social anxiety at this point. The salon I was at was quiet with a regular clientele so I got to know people throughout my apprenticeship. This was ok for me but I still had bad days. The pay was not good once I had finished my apprenticeship so I moved salons to a busy mall salon. Needless to say that didn't last long. I had some really bad experiences that I pretty much had a mental breakdown. I would get panic attacks before/during/after work. This was last year.
So I decided to study again at 26. I convinced myself for whatever reason that studying by distance would be my best bet. I now know why haha. I've been getting better grades than I ever got before just because I'm not around people. Only thing is that now I don't see many people. Most of my close friends have moved away or are too busy. This has made my anxiety much worse than it has been in years & I have to work on getting out & meeting new people. It also made me depressed and suicidal earlier in the year. I feel much much better since seeing my doctor for help though. It's so good to finally have a name for this and know I can deal with it. It is a constant struggle though.
So that's my story. Sorry if it went on a bit but I just felt I had to get it out there & if I can't here then where can I? Thank god for the Internet haha.
My story:
Basically I think I've always had this. I was a shy, scared kid. My parents tried to encourage me to be more social by signing me up to as many dance/drama/performance classes as possible. I hated them. I hated school. Teachers called me "painfully shy" and said I was too quiet. Mum & dad always told me everyone feels scared sometimes & that I should just do it anyway. I was terrified of sport, never really any good at it. I ate a lot & became the fat kid at school. I got teased.
In high school I got kicked out of a couple of groups. I guess I always felt awkward. I remember often feeling like I was being watched. There were a few times I got depressed & thought about ending it all. Towards the end of school though I slimmed down & became more popular. I still felt awkward but not as depressed. I got a job in retail & this taught me to deal with people, I didn't like it but I did it anyway & became really good at pretending I was normal. I told myself "fake it till you make it" it worked for a while.
After school I studied a bit of psychology at uni. I didn't like it. I guess deep down I wanted to learn about myself. Also the class environment was intimidating & if I had to do a presentation, I couldn't. I wouldn't. I failed those units.
Then I got into hairdressing. I still didn't know about social anxiety at this point. The salon I was at was quiet with a regular clientele so I got to know people throughout my apprenticeship. This was ok for me but I still had bad days. The pay was not good once I had finished my apprenticeship so I moved salons to a busy mall salon. Needless to say that didn't last long. I had some really bad experiences that I pretty much had a mental breakdown. I would get panic attacks before/during/after work. This was last year.
So I decided to study again at 26. I convinced myself for whatever reason that studying by distance would be my best bet. I now know why haha. I've been getting better grades than I ever got before just because I'm not around people. Only thing is that now I don't see many people. Most of my close friends have moved away or are too busy. This has made my anxiety much worse than it has been in years & I have to work on getting out & meeting new people. It also made me depressed and suicidal earlier in the year. I feel much much better since seeing my doctor for help though. It's so good to finally have a name for this and know I can deal with it. It is a constant struggle though.
So that's my story. Sorry if it went on a bit but I just felt I had to get it out there & if I can't here then where can I? Thank god for the Internet haha.
