HIGH intamcy drive

Moses199

Moses199

Well-known member
Im just curious does anyone else here have a very high intamcy drive? meaning your desire for women is very high more than the average person. For example, i can't stop looking at every pretty girl i see and fantasized flirting and being with them. It's crazy i do this almost every second! Also i in bed i always fantasize a girl is next to me and i'm cuddling with them.It makes me severely depressed because my SA holds me back.

I can honestly say the biggest reason why i want my SA is to be with girls. Otherwise i wouldn't care that it doesn't go away. I know this is isn't right, but that's how high of a intimacy drive i have.
 
Last edited:
Remus

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
I think I'm at the opposite end of the scale, almost schizotypal, I prefer my own space and am not that touchy feely.
 
T

TheNomad

Well-known member
I don't have high drive as you, but I will agree that what you say is among the worst effects of SA.
 
D

Drummer90

Member
Nah I see your point. SA keeps the typical restraints on you as far as approaching women and forming a relationship. And you're at a point where you feel a craving for that intimacy(hugs,cuddling,ect). I admit I have the same issues sometimes. Mainly because I exit a long term relationship earlier this year. Still 24 years young. Maybe you have to strengthen your confidence In yourself. That confidence that says you don't NEED a woman there to provide that comfort. After all you and the woman you pick will both benefit more from you wanting her there instead of needing her. Hope I helped any at all. Like I said I'm 24 so I just overcame that obstacle by reminding myself that I don't need anyone. However I do want more socially for myself. I struggle. But that's part of my reason of being here.
 
Xion

Xion

Well-known member
Yeah, same thing happens to me too.. It happens usually when I try to sleep.. I also fantasize a girl cuddling with me.. This makes me severely depressed. And other times this happens when I see a beautiful girl. I usually have fantasies of those girls kissing me. I have this one female friend who is very pretty and she's friendly, I try not to look at her face because when I look at her face, I fantasize her confessing to me, hugging me and kissing me. I can't stop this even though I am trying so hard..
 
lucifersam

lucifersam

1
I've gone through periods of lesser and higher drive... I'm in one of the "lesser" periods now, I've just got a lot more basic stuff to focus on. If I'm going to put forth the effort for something, sex is low on that list. I need to better myself before I can be in any kind of worthwhile relationship anyway. I have learned to be content with not having sex.

Not that I don't want to... I just don't let it consume me.
 
Moses199

Moses199

Well-known member
arjuna said:
To the OP, how old are you? Do you have experience with women?
Click to expand...
22, but not a virgin. Let's just say i lost due to luck, not skill lol.
But overall i think without the SA i'm very capable because i believe i have pretty good social skills (Just like with everyone in this forum).
 
Moses199

Moses199

Well-known member
Xion said:
Yeah, same thing happens to me too.. It happens usually when I try to sleep.. I also fantasize a girl cuddling with me.. This makes me severely depressed. And other times this happens when I see a beautiful girl. I usually have fantasies of those girls kissing me. I have this one female friend who is very pretty and she's friendly, I try not to look at her face because when I look at her face, I fantasize her confessing to me, hugging me and kissing me. I can't stop this even though I am trying so hard..
Click to expand...
Yeah i know what u mean about being severly depressed about it. I believe having this issue gives you greater depressive episodes from your social anxiety. The asexual guys are lucky; they don't have this crap bothering them.
 
Moses199

Moses199

Well-known member
Remus said:
I think I'm at the opposite end of the scale, almost schizotypal, I prefer my own space and am not that touchy feely.
Click to expand...

so you mean you prefer social isolation? i think this is a great trait to have if your dealing with SA because you won't get depressed about not having a social skills. Am i right?
 
Megaten

Megaten

Well-known member
I dont personally see anything wrong with having a high drive. Its probably just your hormone levels. I was like that in my early 20s and it had me at my wits end. On the bright side though I had tons of energy and was in the gym all the time. Nowadays not so much lol...
 
C

Cetnien

Member
I use to feel like I would have imaginations of girls having sex with me in my bed but sometimes I would have to shake the feeling off because it can be haunting if you don't have intimacy feelings for them.

Truly your not the only one that will have these urges, lots of people do but I'm not saying everybody does but I suppose its wise to work your best at learning to control it.

Look at it as you got your whole life ahead of you and eventually when the time comes you'll probably get a girlfriend. Though rushing it isn't good but I'm saying it through experience.

My parents didn't meet till they were 40 and they been together ever since; love is out there. Don't wait forever, take it slow and work your way up the ladder. You got this!
 
worrywort

worrywort

Well-known member
I'd say my desire for connection and intimacy, particularly with a beautiful girl, is probably the strongest desire I find inside myself. At its peak, yes, I yearn to be close to a girl, mentally, physically and spiritually. And yes, sometimes it can feel good to fantasize and let myself explore these thoughts.

But I think you have to go very careful with these desires. I think you have to try to understand them and control them. If you yearn for it too much it'll only make you feel worse; 'Unhappiness is to desire that which one cannot attain', 'Hope deferred makes the heart grow sick'.

My solution is to begin with gratitude and acceptance. Accept that right now I am currently single and due to my SA I have far less chance than most of finding a soulmate. And then I try to be grateful, for who I am and where I'm at, to the point where I feel I don't need a girl to be happy. That I can find contentment within myself. And then, once I'm in that place, I might devote a small amount of time to meeting new people, and maybe one day I might get lucky.

That's my solution in theory, anyway. Sometimes the desire for connection and the loneliness that follows overpowers me.
 
arjuna

arjuna

Well-known member
Why not improve social skills and have sex with loads of different girls? See if it makes you happy in the long run. It may just be that after doing that you will come to lose interest in it.
 
S

SilentAndShy

Well-known member
Good thread.

I've had this particular issue for a very long time. I always had a lust for beautiful women that I'd see around work/university and it affects me today. On the way to work, I know I'm going to see these girls and I try to catch a glimpse or discreetly look at them from a distance or sit when I know they will walk past. I wish I didn't but it's incredibly difficult not to.
 
B

bsammy

Well-known member
Remus said:
I think I'm at the opposite end of the scale, almost schizotypal, I prefer my own space and am not that touchy feely.
Click to expand...

same here, i have an extremely low intimacy or even sexual drive..i dont like giving hugs or gettng them etc etc..even if my social anxiety was goe i still dont think i would be ina relationship..
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top