Ho Hum.....
- Thread starter DarkMoon
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Jack-B
Well-known member
And what better opportunity to work out how you are going to overcome one of your biggest problems. You may be on your own, but you can meaningfully use this time. I call it study time, alone in your own mind.
Loneliness is nothing more than a wrong turn in the mind, like you have, in your mind, walked down an incorrect path. If you trace this path back and back and back you find where it all begins and its usually anxiety. Anxiety creates pathways in the mind and so that mind continues to experience a world of loneliness because it avoids contact with people and things we shouldnt really be scared of. Of course this isnt true for everyone, like for old people who have lost their life long partners say but for many of us anxiety is at the heart of loneliness.
Ironically no one wants to be lonely but our anxiety decieves us over a long period of time into being lonely, cut off, isolated and confused.
So we strive to understand our anxiety, not let it continue making us lonely. O ooooooooo ha ha have a good evening
Jack
Loneliness is nothing more than a wrong turn in the mind, like you have, in your mind, walked down an incorrect path. If you trace this path back and back and back you find where it all begins and its usually anxiety. Anxiety creates pathways in the mind and so that mind continues to experience a world of loneliness because it avoids contact with people and things we shouldnt really be scared of. Of course this isnt true for everyone, like for old people who have lost their life long partners say but for many of us anxiety is at the heart of loneliness.
Ironically no one wants to be lonely but our anxiety decieves us over a long period of time into being lonely, cut off, isolated and confused.
So we strive to understand our anxiety, not let it continue making us lonely. O ooooooooo ha ha have a good evening
Jack
Jack-B said:
Yep. The problem is, once you have been lonely, cut off and isolated for a long time, it's not enough to get rid of anxiety. I don't feel that terribly anxious around strangers any longer, but making friends from scratch in your mid twenties is not the easiest thing in the world (although probably possible, with some luck and strenght of will, both of which I seem to lack
)scatmantom
Well-known member
just checked my phone
"u wanna come to the students union" sent at 21:15
...
how FUCKING annoyin is that! Just cos i didnt carry my phone for 2 hours i miss gettin invited out :x
there is always tomorrow night i guess :roll:
"u wanna come to the students union" sent at 21:15
...
how FUCKING annoyin is that! Just cos i didnt carry my phone for 2 hours i miss gettin invited out :x
there is always tomorrow night i guess :roll:
SYNAPSE
Active member
I wrote an erotic text to a chick overseas I fell in love with.
. . .and that's about it. I think I'll go rest in a little while; I rarerly do anything on Fridays 'cause I'm too tired.
I go out clubbing on my own on Saturdays sometimes. . . and I'm trying to arrange a few local phobics to try and do the same thing as a group.
. . .and that's about it. I think I'll go rest in a little while; I rarerly do anything on Fridays 'cause I'm too tired.
I go out clubbing on my own on Saturdays sometimes. . . and I'm trying to arrange a few local phobics to try and do the same thing as a group.
cLavain
Well-known member
Right, best wait till you're 30+, it's a lot easier then! :roll:Quixote said:Jack-B said:
Yep. The problem is, once you have been lonely, cut off and isolated for a long time, it's not enough to get rid of anxiety. I don't feel that terribly anxious around strangers any longer, but making friends from scratch in your mid twenties is not the easiest thing in the world (although probably possible, with some luck and strenght of will, both of which I seem to lack
I'm more comfortable with strangers than I used to be, but what help is that when everyone my age are married with children (Al Bundy-style) and already have enough friends..? As you say, it would take a real effort and/or some divine intervention...
Jack-B
Well-known member
cLavain
I am in my mid twenties and i find it much easier these days in making freinds these days because im less anxious than i used to be.
Its finding a connection and keeping talking. Most people once forced to talk will keep talking once they break their own barrier of comfort. When this happens they feel more at ease and so conversation can flow.
Making friends isnt that tough at all, we just think it is. But everyone wants to say something, everyone has something to say even if they dont realise it.
If lack of effort prevents you from making friends you wont make any. You may be content on your own but if you suffer loneliness then surely you have two options:
1. Become more at peace with yourself so you can live contently without loneliness
2. Make an effort to connect with others and gain friendships.
The choice is yours but i sincerely hope you choose both options.
Jack
2.
I am in my mid twenties and i find it much easier these days in making freinds these days because im less anxious than i used to be.
Its finding a connection and keeping talking. Most people once forced to talk will keep talking once they break their own barrier of comfort. When this happens they feel more at ease and so conversation can flow.
Making friends isnt that tough at all, we just think it is. But everyone wants to say something, everyone has something to say even if they dont realise it.
If lack of effort prevents you from making friends you wont make any. You may be content on your own but if you suffer loneliness then surely you have two options:
1. Become more at peace with yourself so you can live contently without loneliness
2. Make an effort to connect with others and gain friendships.
The choice is yours but i sincerely hope you choose both options.
Jack
2.
I could ask myself, what am I doing on a Saturday night in social phobia world? Well, I just wish I had all this at my fingertips when I was a teenager and maybe I would think to myself that it was not just me that felt this way.
Being in another world makes you forget yourself and your problems and it is the only way I feel totally comfortable in life. Watching films, reading, playing computer games. Anything that takes you out of reality and makes you feel like a different person. One which can function fully in society. A life where you can do what you want to do. I am 30 now and feel that I have wasted so much time in not doing what I wanted to do...become a singer...and I feel that it is too late. No-one knows of my fears that I hide, and the wasted opportunities I may have had.
Does anyone feel like this?
xxx
Being in another world makes you forget yourself and your problems and it is the only way I feel totally comfortable in life. Watching films, reading, playing computer games. Anything that takes you out of reality and makes you feel like a different person. One which can function fully in society. A life where you can do what you want to do. I am 30 now and feel that I have wasted so much time in not doing what I wanted to do...become a singer...and I feel that it is too late. No-one knows of my fears that I hide, and the wasted opportunities I may have had.
Does anyone feel like this?
xxx
IceLad
Well-known member
Ems said:
Yes I totally feel like this at 27, Ems.
The amount of time I feel that I've lost and wish that I could just catch up on. If only someone could invent a time machine! :roll: Don't even get me started on wasted opportunities otherwise we could be here for days.Seriously though, we may feel it is too late, but rationally, it is never too late to realize our dreams whatever our age is.
cLavain
Well-known member
Jack-B,
Thank you for your comments, though I think we are already more or less in agreement!
I do have some friends, but could definitely need some more. However, my main objective with my post was to highlight the fact that it generally does get harder to make friends as the years go by. Think of this formula: I know this is a simplification, but please indulge me:
(number of potential friends in your environment) + (effort) + (luck) - (anxiety) = overall chance of finding a friend
My point is that the first variable falls drastically as you get older, since people settle and are simply not interested in finding new friends. So, even if your anxiety is somewhat reduced, the pool of potential friends dwindles too quickly. That means your effort must be increased to compensate. My advice: try to make friends as early as possible, as it will not get any easier later. Look at kids, one trip to the playground and they've found a new friend! Of course, many of us here at SPW have suffered from anxiety and shyness most of our lives and so these crucial early years didn't produce any life-time friendships. I myself met my best friend only 10 years ago.
True story: If I'd had the confidence to talk to strangers that I have now back when I was, say, 15, then I dare say I would have gained many more friends than I did. Not saying it's impossible now, just harder. Like, at work, I can speak relatively comfortably with most people (not in larger groups, though), but that's where it ends, most of the time. They got wife+kids+a circle of friends already and are content with that.
It's good that you find it easier to make new friends, but you're still in your twenties, Jack. Back when I was your age I was at university, and indeed, the pool of potential friends was incomparably larger in that situation.
Thank you for your comments, though I think we are already more or less in agreement!
I do have some friends, but could definitely need some more. However, my main objective with my post was to highlight the fact that it generally does get harder to make friends as the years go by. Think of this formula: I know this is a simplification, but please indulge me:
(number of potential friends in your environment) + (effort) + (luck) - (anxiety) = overall chance of finding a friend
My point is that the first variable falls drastically as you get older, since people settle and are simply not interested in finding new friends. So, even if your anxiety is somewhat reduced, the pool of potential friends dwindles too quickly. That means your effort must be increased to compensate. My advice: try to make friends as early as possible, as it will not get any easier later. Look at kids, one trip to the playground and they've found a new friend! Of course, many of us here at SPW have suffered from anxiety and shyness most of our lives and so these crucial early years didn't produce any life-time friendships. I myself met my best friend only 10 years ago.
True story: If I'd had the confidence to talk to strangers that I have now back when I was, say, 15, then I dare say I would have gained many more friends than I did. Not saying it's impossible now, just harder. Like, at work, I can speak relatively comfortably with most people (not in larger groups, though), but that's where it ends, most of the time. They got wife+kids+a circle of friends already and are content with that.
It's good that you find it easier to make new friends, but you're still in your twenties, Jack. Back when I was your age I was at university, and indeed, the pool of potential friends was incomparably larger in that situation.