Holding out?

[Danfalc]

Im not sure if i can take this shit for to much longer, im gonna be 20 in like a month. Ive had this shit for like 2-3 years and its not getting any better.I was pleased when i first starting seeking help for it cos i felt like i was doing somthing constructive about it. But ive realised my shrink is a prick and he knows fuck all, all he does is nod in the right places and throw meds at me like there smarties.I have mates but i cant bear 2 be around them i cant even stand to be around any of my family.Ive heard it can take years to recover from sa/sp if you recover at all.I have no support with this, and even if i did get a social worker or somthing they wouldnt be able to understand what this shit is like to live with.Aswell with the anxiety getting worse its just harder to deal with it the longer it goes on. I use to be able to just not think about how shit things are, but recently ive been getting really derpressed at the fact i cant handle any social situation at all, and i mean any situation.With being 20 soon ive decided that if shit hasnt improved at all by the time im 25 im going to shoot myself.I know u guys have ur own problems and dont need to hear really fucked up depressing shit like this. But this is the only place i have to blow off some steam. So once again i apolagise for dropping this stuff on you, and i apolagise for my language i just needed to get this off my chest.

 

[Toad]

This response is directed at anyone who is thinking about ending their life not just you Danfalc so don't take it to personally please...

I really have no right to respond to these types of threads, but I value human life. I feel that if you CAN be helped you should try all that you can to be helped, even if it seems like you're just going around in circles...which I feel like I'm doing a lot of. As much as all of us have tried to deny at some point, there is always someone who cares about you.
I know that these threads are inevitable due to the fact that most of us are/were/will go through depression, and I'm not knocking anyone who has or will start one of these because it is better to get it out then just keep thinking about it. However death is not the answer as much as you sometimes want it to be. Death is the easy way out of pain, but I feel if you can overcome this pain, you will end up much better off than you originally were. Death is final and there are no second chances or re-do's, once you're done, you're done.
I have chosen life, and I hope all others like me do the same. I know this is your decision Danfalc, and I won't change it for shit nor will anyone else. Once someone commits themself to do something, more than likely, they won't be deterred from it. I am just in hopes that one person will at least benefit from me saying this...even if it is me in the future.
To all of those, who are considering taking the easy way out of life, I just hope you consider all of those you will be affecting before you commit yourself to this. There always will be at least ONE person who will be affected negatively by this other than yourself. If you decide not to live for yourself, at least have the decency to live for them. I wish all of you Godspeed in these trying times and am truely sorry for the people that I have undoubtedly offended.

 

[Danfalc]

the easy way?

Toad, before you read this, i just want 2 say that im not trying to start and argument with you.But how is death taking the easy way out?Do you think its easy for someone 2 decide that life is not worth living?U also said that it will affect at least someone negativley, well 2 be honest toad i dont think anyone would give a fuck or probaly even notice if i did. I have my parents and thats about it, But they chucked me out when i was like 17 when the whole sp thing started to get bad.shows u how much they care for me.Im not just saying i cant cope and im going to kill myself, im defo going to try and beat this thing but its getting harder with each day that passes and im not showing any improvement.Im not expecting to get better over night or anything but like i said if i get to 25 and ive not improved at all.Why torture myself with the agony of life?

 

[Chilling__Echo]

hey danfalc, my heart goes out to you b/c like toad said, everyone has or will feel this way. i don't mean to assume what you think or feel but from your post i gathered that you are looking for encouragement? not the kind that someone could give to you like "you can do it!" or that crap, more something that would give you a reason to have hope?

also, kudos to you for already seeking out help through a doc and meds. it's hard enough just to get to that step. and i'm sure this isn't what you want to hear, but have you considered seeing another psychiatrist? sure it's like they go to school to have people pay them to listen to their shit, they're prolly just counting down the hours till they get off work right? i don't think they're all like that, not to say that you do either but if this guy is coming off as a prick, don't waste your money. if i were you i'd see someone that would actually listen to your feelings and work with you to find the peace that you're looking for. a way to cope. be specific, and if you don't know what you need to work on, they can help you find out.

unfortunately it sounds like your stressors go beyond those of SP (and who doesn't have them all over the place??) and i can't attempt to give you any advice on that, however the stronger you are on the inside, the better. everyone can improve and HAS already improved or none of us would be alive now prolly. we evolve, and it may seem impossible now but if you keep at it (and i know it's what everyone says) you will make improvement. slowly but surely you can climb out of the anxiety hole but it just takes time and a hell of alot of effort. i hope you find something to get you through all this but you've always got support on the board. hang in there

 

[Danfalc]

Sorry

i don't mean to assume what you think or feel but from your post i gathered that you are looking for encouragement?

Chilling echo you hit the nail on the head there^^, And first of all i want 2 apolagise for posting a post like that .I can normaly cope with things, but recently ive been getting really down about stuff and i was just a little scared last night cos im not use to feeling like that and im not sure how 2 deal with it.But thanks for your reply not only did it comfort me a bit last night 2 know that someone understood, But you also gave me something i can actualy do (changing my shrink).So thankyou so much.And toad im sorry for sending you a bitchy post back about ur post, I can see what u were getting at aswell, I was just in self destruct mode last night so sorry mate.

 

[Chilling__Echo]

no prob i swear it's like we hit a certain age and we loose things that we never knew we "had" or knew we needed. like confidense! itty bitty kids have no concept of what that is, they just know when it's not there when they're being picked on. but they get over it and move on. yet as soon as we grow old, it's like the most basic things that we had start to with wobble. confidence, endurance, hope, anyone of those. it's like over time we become experts at basketball, but then we forget how to shoot a three-pointer :? i dunno... well best of luck, i believe over time you'll get to where you need to be :wink:

 

[Toad]

Don't worry about it Danfalc, I know how much depression can take control.

 

[AnnaMaria]

Awwww, this thread is sad.

Dan, 25 isn't far away! Not to depress you but I'm 25 now and I still feel 19 years old! Don't look at your age. Just focus on getting better now as a 20 year old.

Oh and get rid of the shrink! I say see your family doctor for some SERIOUS psychotherapist referrals....There's gotta be top psychologists in the U.K....Which I love by the way. The U.K, I mean.