How are you feeling?

[jaim38]

I don't think I'm overreacting. Earlier I was studying and my brother came into the room, grabbed a chair and pushed it against my head. I let out a yelp and groaned. Then he got angry and asked me why I made such noises. I told him I was surprised that he held a chair against my head. He said he'll punish me by cutting off internet at a certain time of day. I got angry and started defending myself. I asked him why the heck he held a chair against my head and apologize for it. He did but then he said I shouldn't be making a single sound around him and if he heard anymore he will cut more Internet hours. He then asked me a bunch of questions and I tried to answer honestly but he kept on cutting me off and accusing me of lying. He also put me down with insults like idiot, f***face, and one time grabbed my hand like he was very angry. He kept threatening me like giving me one last chance to answer honestly. In the end, ironically, I ended up lying and telling him I agree and saying sorry to him for making noises.

I can't even be honest without him getting all hulk on me. Sometimes I learned that it's better to just lie and agree to end the arguments.

 

[BlueDays]

I feel broken, hopeless, defeated.

I feel like crying, screaming, smashing, cutting.

I feel trapped and afraid.

Is there no way out of here?

^:sad: I hope you can find a way out of what is making you feel trapped at the moment Graybeard. ((Hugs))


I am feeling inspired to try again. I wonder how long it will last this time.h:

 

[Graeme1988]

I feel broken, hopeless, defeated.

I feel like crying, screaming, smashing, cutting.

I feel trapped and afraid.

Is there no way out of here?

Same here, Graybeard, unfortunately... ((Hugs))* :sad:

I can't even be honest without him getting all hulk on me. Sometimes I learned that it's better to just lie and agree to end the arguments.

Ah can relate there, Jaim. Ma oldest sister's exactly the same. As ye said. best tae just agree tae end an argument n' "keep the peace". as ma mum would say.

At really effin' low point the now, masel'. Really depressed... cryin' maist o' the time, lately. Yesterday, ma mum said if it wasnae fur me she'd probably huv killed herself by now. She also telt me she gave long ago 'n' that there's nae point in confrontin' ma oldest sister regarding the way she (ma old sis) treats me. Ah think ma family underestimate ma IQ because am quiet? Ma sister certainly treats me like am stupid, but then she treat us (me, ma older sister & mum like we're inferior compared tae her).

Ah would give her a wee reality check but ah probably end up humilatin' her - since she doesnae take me seriously, anyway. Ah think it'd comes as shock tae the family were ah tae be honest... because ah huv a tendency tae tell-it-like-it-effin'-is! Ah'd also - if ah had the balls tae stand up fur masel' - asked ma oldest sister why she thought her constant one-liner joke of comparin' me tae every Middle Eastern stereotype was "funny" or an "appropriate" thing tae say tae ma face and laugh? Well, ah say "joke", it was mair o' a punchline withoot the setup, so more a statement with underlyin' racist overtones.

Ah feel like ma mum does, in that ah cannae cope anymair and dinnae care. Emotionally dead tae the point of being passive aggressive. Passive tae the point o' indifference. Aye, we're dysfunctional as f**k! :crying: Sorry fur the depressin' rant, folks. Ah just needed tae vent ma emotions since it's better than resortin' tae self-harm.

 

[MikeyC]

I don't think I'm overreacting. Earlier I was studying and my brother came into the room, grabbed a chair and pushed it against my head. I let out a yelp and groaned. Then he got angry and asked me why I made such noises. I told him I was surprised that he held a chair against my head. He said he'll punish me by cutting off internet at a certain time of day. I got angry and started defending myself. I asked him why the heck he held a chair against my head and apologize for it. He did but then he said I shouldn't be making a single sound around him and if he heard anymore he will cut more Internet hours. He then asked me a bunch of questions and I tried to answer honestly but he kept on cutting me off and accusing me of lying. He also put me down with insults like idiot, f***face, and one time grabbed my hand like he was very angry. He kept threatening me like giving me one last chance to answer honestly. In the end, ironically, I ended up lying and telling him I agree and saying sorry to him for making noises.

I can't even be honest without him getting all hulk on me. Sometimes I learned that it's better to just lie and agree to end the arguments.

Is it just me, or is this domestic violence?

 

[Nanita]

Feeling very depressed.
Today I´ve been having pain in my leg, I get that every other day. Makes it hard to do anything.
Felt pointless and lonely all day. Absolutey NOTHING to exist for.
Met a "friend" on the street/or someone who was once my friend. She asked me "what did you do to your hair" and her expression was like omg how can you have such an ugly haircut. (Wow thanks I really needed that).
Went back home. More depressed than ever.
So many choices I have for the rest of the evening. Talk to myself maybe. Go to sleep perhaps. I wish I didn´t exist.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Feeling very depressed.
Today I´ve been having pain in my leg, I get that every other day. Makes it hard to do anything.
Felt pointless and lonely all day. Absolutey NOTHING to exist for.
Met a "friend" on the street/or someone who was once my friend. She asked me "what did you do to your hair" and her expression was like omg how can you have such an ugly haircut. (Wow thanks I really needed that).
Went back home. More depressed than ever.
So many choices I have for the rest of the evening. Talk to myself maybe. Go to sleep perhaps. I wish I didn´t exist.

Nanita, you look beautiful no matter what type of haircut you have. If you like it, then that's all that matters. Don't let the "friend" try to persuade you to think otherwise. As for the pain in your leg, maybe you should go out and get some pain cream for it or put some ice on it; if you have the money, you may want to go talk to a doctor about it.

And, I'm not sure if it'll help or not, but, if you want someone to talk to, I'm always on here. I hope that you feel better.

 

[neardeath]

Same here, Graybeard, unfortunately... ((Hugs))* :sad:



Ah can relate there, Jaim. Ma oldest sister's exactly the same. As ye said. best tae just agree tae end an argument n' "keep the peace". as ma mum would say.

At really effin' low point the now, masel'. Really depressed... cryin' maist o' the time, lately. Yesterday, ma mum said if it wasnae fur me she'd probably huv killed herself by now. She also telt me she gave long ago 'n' that there's nae point in confrontin' ma oldest sister regarding the way she (ma old sis) treats me. Ah think ma family underestimate ma IQ because am quiet? Ma sister certainly treats me like am stupid, but then she treat us (me, ma older sister & mum like we're inferior compared tae her).

Ah would give her a wee reality check but ah probably end up humilatin' her - since she doesnae take me seriously, anyway. Ah think it'd comes as shock tae the family were ah tae be honest... because ah huv a tendency tae tell-it-like-it-effin'-is! Ah'd also - if ah had the balls tae stand up fur masel' - asked ma oldest sister why she thought her constant one-liner joke of comparin' me tae every Middle Eastern stereotype was "funny" or an "appropriate" thing tae say tae ma face and laugh? Well, ah say "joke", it was mair o' a punchline withoot the setup, so more a statement with underlyin' racist overtones.

Ah feel like ma mum does, in that ah cannae cope anymair and dinnae care. Emotionally dead tae the point of being passive aggressive. Passive tae the point o' indifference. Aye, we're dysfunctional as f**k! :crying: Sorry fur the depressin' rant, folks. Ah just needed tae vent ma emotions since it's better than resortin' tae self-harm.

Glad you are venting here. Hugs to you, my friend.

 

[neardeath]

Feeling like a loser, depending on my oldest son to help me get a new air conditioner. I can't live without it. Heat makes anxiety/panic worse.

He's always buying new things and getting gifts for friends, even holding off on rent from two friends who lived there just because he's feeling generous. He told me two months ago he'd help, but I have to keep bringing it up to make it happen. It's hard enough asking for help, but to have to keep on asking is torture.

Every event, big or small, seems to make me feel worse. It's not like I haven't helped him in the past when he called for money! I'm just feeling like a pain-in-the-*** beggar at this point.

This is the last time I am bringing it up. I give up. Hopefully I will just die when the heat comes.

 

[Graeme1988]

Glad you are venting here. Hugs to you, my friend.

Aye, that's true. Though, terrifyingly, am scared sh*tless am just gonnae snap and just let aw the supressed verbal rage come fleein' oot ma passive-aggressive gob o' mine. Then, there's that aggressive, sh*te, psychotic Scottish temper... Oh, f**k! :bat:

 

[Graeme1988]

I´m really down right now .. and in general I just .. hate living, I really do.

But thank you! I appreciate your response!!

I can go to the doctor, but the thing is I don´t think it will help much. I have so many problems with my health and nothing ever gets better.

^Ah could've wrote somethin' similar tae that... F**k! That's depressing, innit? :sad: Anyway, sorry tae hear that yer no feelin' so great, Nanita.
Ah can definitely relate, though. So yer not alone, there, darlin'... :thumbup:

 

[Nanita]

Nanita, you look beautiful no matter what type of haircut you have. If you like it, then that's all that matters. Don't let the "friend" try to persuade you to think otherwise. As for the pain in your leg, maybe you should go out and get some pain cream for it or put some ice on it; if you have the money, you may want to go talk to a doctor about it.

And, I'm not sure if it'll help or not, but, if you want someone to talk to, I'm always on here. I hope that you feel better.

I´m really down right now .. and in general I just .. hate living, I really do.

But thank you! I appreciate your response!!

I can go to the doctor, but the thing is I don´t think it will help much. I have sooo many problems with my health and I haven´t gotten better/nothing has worked.

And my hair is really weird right now actually, so that person is right, but I just think people should be nicer and shut their mouths unless what they´re gonna say is something nice... That´s how I like to behave towards people.

 

[neardeath]

OMG just went to mailbox got check for $740 from a mortgage settlement from attorney general!!!!!!! Called son told him I'll get the air conditioner myself. I can't believe this happened!

I also have an appointment for financial counseling on Monday, but I am going to make the purchase because I absolutely can't live without it. Had one at the old apartment, but the new place won't let you hang one out the window, it has to be a portable. Excitement and fear. Amazing how many feelings a person can have all at once.

 

[Graeme1988]

Feeling like a loser, depending on my oldest son to help me get a new air conditioner. I can't live without it. Heat makes anxiety/panic worse.

He's always buying new things and getting gifts for friends, even holding off on rent from two friends who lived there just because he's feeling generous. He told me two months ago he'd help, but I have to keep bringing it up to make it happen. It's hard enough asking for help, but to have to keep on asking is torture.

Every event, big or small, seems to make me feel worse. It's not like I haven't helped him in the past when he called for money! I'm just feeling like a pain-in-the-*** beggar at this point.

This is the last time I am bringing it up. I give up. Hopefully I will just die when the heat comes.

Nae offense intended here, but it seems yer son isnae aw that willing tae help you out. Ah mean, ye could see how much a new air conditioner'll cost & split the money? Am assumin' that'd be yer plan, or somethin' similar?

And sorry tae hear you've gave up, mate - that last bit's a wee bit effin' harsh, is it no? Oops, ah shouldnae huv swore there, it was'nae necessary.

 

[Graeme1988]

OMG just went to mailbox got check for $740 from a mortgage settlement from attorney general!!!!!!! Called son told him I'll get the air conditioner myself. I can't believe this happened!

I also have an appointment for financial counseling on Monday, but I am going to make the purchase because I absolutely can't live without it. Had one at the old apartment, but the new place won't let you hang one out the window, it has to be a portable. Excitement and fear. Amazing how many feelings a person can have all at once.

Ah hope it all works out fur ye, mate. :thumbup:

 

[BlueDays]

I´m really down right now .. and in general I just .. hate living, I really do.

But thank you! I appreciate your response!!

I can go to the doctor, but the thing is I don´t think it will help much. I have sooo many problems with my health and I haven´t gotten better/nothing has worked.

And my hair is really weird right now actually, so that person is right, but I just think people should be nicer and shut their mouths unless what they´re gonna say is something nice... That´s how I like to behave towards people.

Sorry to read you are going through a low point right now Nanita.:sad: I hope something can change in your life to make you feel better soon.
Ignore what that "friend" said to you, however you have your hair is up to you! and her comment and manner was mean. Try and not worry about the opinions of insulting people, Nanita.

 

[jaim38]

At really effin' low point the now, masel'. Really depressed... cryin' maist o' the time, lately. Yesterday, ma mum said if it wasnae fur me she'd probably huv killed herself by now. She also telt me she gave long ago 'n' that there's nae point in confrontin' ma oldest sister regarding the way she (ma old sis) treats me. Ah think ma family underestimate ma IQ because am quiet? Ma sister certainly treats me like am stupid, but then she treat us (me, ma older sister & mum like we're inferior compared tae her).

*Hugs* I can understand because I have a brother who thinks he's superior to me and people around him. These people are so unconscious about their own attitude.

Is it just me, or is this domestic violence?

Ok yes you're right. Dealing with him gives me a headache. Now he's trying to make me switch to another Internet provider. I told him he could pay for it since he controls the internet access but he wants me to do all the work. What choice do I have? Not much.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Ok yes you're right. Dealing with him gives me a headache. Now he's trying to make me switch to another Internet provider. I told him he could pay for it since he controls the internet access but he wants me to do all the work. What choice do I have? Not much.

You should probably report him to the police for that. As someone who was in a situation similar to that, you need to know that nothing is worth staying in that. Nothing.

 

[jaim38]

Today I called my friend and (surprise) I was so shy!!! I don't know why but I started speaking in a lower tone of voice and kind of mumbling my words. So I let my mom speak to her mom and then washed dishes. My mom wanted to hand over the phone to me but I kept on shaking my head and saying "uh uh" because I didn't feel like speaking to my friend.

Me and her used to be very close. I was loud and flamboyant around her. However circumstances have changed.

I have this problem where I keep thinking I have no privacy at all, anywhere I go. Even in the bathroom I still feel like people are looking at me. The problem is so bad that my movements have become very robotic, stiff, unnatural. I remember Kate from Kate Plus 8 said in an interview that she used to be self-conscious with all those people staring in public but later she got used to it. I would like to know her secret.

 

[Nanita]

^Ah could've wrote somethin' similar tae that... F**k! That's depressing, innit? :sad: Anyway, sorry tae hear that yer no feelin' so great, Nanita.
Ah can definitely relate, though. So yer not alone, there, darlin'... :thumbup:

Sure is depressing!
Thanks for your response, friend.
Yeah I know I´m not alone in feeling all this, thanks for reminding me, its good to remember we´re not the only ones. All though its sad that so many can relate to feeling so low.

Sorry to read you are going through a low point right now Nanita.:sad: I hope something can change in your life to make you feel better soon.
Ignore what that "friend" said to you, however you have your hair is up to you! and her comment and manner was mean. Try and not worry about the opinions of insulting people, Nanita.

Thanks for your response...!
Things do happen, things that create small changes, but the overall picture is still pretty much darkened.
Recently I started seeing a very very good therapist, so thats something I think can contribute to changes for the better.
I think it takes time, discipline, new habits, and so on. I´m not great with discipline and changing old habbits, but I´m motivated to try (to live) ..

 

[this_portrait]

Hopeful, but doubtful.