My parents were watching a show about romance but I didn't feel like watching so I turned my head to look elsewhere. I feel like I got ridiculed for it but I don't want to be forced into romance at this time. Plus I didn't even like the show, rather I'm sort of indifferent.
How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
Just came back from graduation party, was as I expected. I was shivering badly just before going on stage to get my diploma, but it went okay. I became a member of this site around the time I started this school (2008/2009), now after these years I am officially a IT Systems Administrator.:thumbup:
^wow congrats!
Suddenly feeling angry and sad. I just remembered something from my childhood. I used to hung out with a group of girls in 5th grade. They're not really friends, more like "frenemies" because they go behind my back sometimes. Without them, I would be alone. We used to play with each other, and soemtimes we do dumb stuff like getting locked behind the doors. There was this big girl named Tammy who used to spy on us, report back to her group of friends, and laugh. I didn't know about this until one day I caught her doing it. I saw her pointing at me and my friends, laughing, and then telling her friends how stupid we were. They were also laughing.
And what hurts is that Tammy's group of friends included a girl who was my friend. She and Tammy and another girl were talking behind my back and laughing at me all this time, and i only just realized this. Last year I met her and her parents at a restaurant before she went abroad to teach. I actually didn't want to meet her at all but my mom kept urging me to.
I get the impression that her friend Tammy was kind of arrogant. Just because she's getting all straight As and being much older than almost everybody else doesn't mean she's superior than the rest of us. I also think my friend looked up to her. No wonder during recess, my friend wouldn't come near me, ever. I mean, we're friends right? Aren't we supposed to play together? It's like she's avoiding me whenever she's with Tammy, but outside of school, she willingly associates with me and my other friends.
Suddenly feeling angry and sad. I just remembered something from my childhood. I used to hung out with a group of girls in 5th grade. They're not really friends, more like "frenemies" because they go behind my back sometimes. Without them, I would be alone. We used to play with each other, and soemtimes we do dumb stuff like getting locked behind the doors. There was this big girl named Tammy who used to spy on us, report back to her group of friends, and laugh. I didn't know about this until one day I caught her doing it. I saw her pointing at me and my friends, laughing, and then telling her friends how stupid we were. They were also laughing.
And what hurts is that Tammy's group of friends included a girl who was my friend. She and Tammy and another girl were talking behind my back and laughing at me all this time, and i only just realized this. Last year I met her and her parents at a restaurant before she went abroad to teach. I actually didn't want to meet her at all but my mom kept urging me to.
I get the impression that her friend Tammy was kind of arrogant. Just because she's getting all straight As and being much older than almost everybody else doesn't mean she's superior than the rest of us. I also think my friend looked up to her. No wonder during recess, my friend wouldn't come near me, ever. I mean, we're friends right? Aren't we supposed to play together? It's like she's avoiding me whenever she's with Tammy, but outside of school, she willingly associates with me and my other friends.
MikeyC
Well-known member
What happened to it?
Demotivated.
I have a headache and really would prefer to not go to work. But unfortunate enough, while going to work has yet to soften the impact of social struggles, not going furthers the idea that I have a choice in the matter. Which puts me on a poisonous cycle of psychological endurance and the inevitable breakdown. I'll break down eventually, I can only endure so much. But thinking I can escape it at all, accelerates the process.
I don't think it really matters what your experience in the situation is, as long you do your part for society. That's how it's always been, and I'd be a fool to it was subject to change. Complete your function and do this 'living' business in your spare time.
I have a headache and really would prefer to not go to work. But unfortunate enough, while going to work has yet to soften the impact of social struggles, not going furthers the idea that I have a choice in the matter. Which puts me on a poisonous cycle of psychological endurance and the inevitable breakdown. I'll break down eventually, I can only endure so much. But thinking I can escape it at all, accelerates the process.
I don't think it really matters what your experience in the situation is, as long you do your part for society. That's how it's always been, and I'd be a fool to it was subject to change. Complete your function and do this 'living' business in your spare time.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Well, meh! Actually... f**kin' meh! With extra emphasis of f**k! Though, ah'd drop a few f-bomb intae the proseedings, make it a bit mair Scottish, y'know?
Aye, there we buckin' go, that pretty much sums it up, tae be honest wi' ye. Am sorry, but am no in the best o' moods at the moment.
Ma mum just telt me she get a laugh oot o' me when am mad, which is just f**kin' dandy! "Ah huv tae laugh at ya, so ah dae..." - that's an exact quote, bytheway. But then, ma whole family like that, me being the youngest, am just aroon (around) fur their amusement. Everything's a joke! Nane o' this is meant tae be taken seriously. Aye, that right, folks! It's just act, am no actually depressed, stressed oot or on the verge o' a mental breakdoon! Despite the obvious signs o' depression. Naw, nothin' could be further fae the truth... that was sarcasm, bytheway, in case ye couldnae tell.
Nice tae know naebody take ye seriously when yer going through a really bad depressed or huvin' a potential mental breakdoon - especially family. :kickingmyself:
Ma mum actually said ah should write a book. Ha! Naw, ah dinnae think so, eh? Though, tae absolutely fair, ah, personally, don't think a title like "Get tae f**k, eh?! - Memoirs of an Aggressive, Shite, Scottish C*nt!" would get past the book publishers, d'you? :bigsmile:
As if it wasnae bad enough, ah keep huvin' this recurrin' dream where am huvin' an aggressively sweary argument wi' ma oldest sister. A dream which is very close tae becomin' a reality!
mg: If ah hud the voice fur it, ah'd really scream right now... :veryangry:
Aye, there we buckin' go, that pretty much sums it up, tae be honest wi' ye. Am sorry, but am no in the best o' moods at the moment.
Ma mum just telt me she get a laugh oot o' me when am mad, which is just f**kin' dandy! "Ah huv tae laugh at ya, so ah dae..." - that's an exact quote, bytheway. But then, ma whole family like that, me being the youngest, am just aroon (around) fur their amusement. Everything's a joke! Nane o' this is meant tae be taken seriously. Aye, that right, folks! It's just act, am no actually depressed, stressed oot or on the verge o' a mental breakdoon! Despite the obvious signs o' depression. Naw, nothin' could be further fae the truth... that was sarcasm, bytheway, in case ye couldnae tell.
Nice tae know naebody take ye seriously when yer going through a really bad depressed or huvin' a potential mental breakdoon - especially family. :kickingmyself:
Ma mum actually said ah should write a book. Ha! Naw, ah dinnae think so, eh? Though, tae absolutely fair, ah, personally, don't think a title like "Get tae f**k, eh?! - Memoirs of an Aggressive, Shite, Scottish C*nt!" would get past the book publishers, d'you? :bigsmile:
As if it wasnae bad enough, ah keep huvin' this recurrin' dream where am huvin' an aggressively sweary argument wi' ma oldest sister. A dream which is very close tae becomin' a reality!
mg: If ah hud the voice fur it, ah'd really scream right now... :veryangry:
Nanita
Well-known member
I´m sorry. I feel the same very often.
I know how that is, it is so difficult for me to talk to people, and obviously also difficult for people to talk with me..yay great.. no its ridiculous.
Hmm.... Hope you are ok
I hope you will feel better sometime soon? I noticed that you hadn´t posted for a long time actually. I take breaks from here too.
Lea
Banned
I wish I could get lost from the face of earth, I cannot be at home, nor anywhere else. Living with my parents is a torture. My father is bullying me all the time because I want the windows open and he wants it shut. Then the air cannot circulate and mold is growing everywhere. Also because there is no insulation and high humidity. I had to remove mold from the walls and a bathroom window, then I painted the windows and bathroom and hallway walls. I want to do all windows in the house and a lot more, but he is shouting at me all the time and I am getting depresed and fed up wondering if I should drop it all and get lost off to England trying to unsuccesfuly find work, waste the few precious money I have on my account and come back worse off than before. But I need money so badly and can´t find even a shitty work around the corner.
selon
Well-known member
Congratulations!!!!
I'm beyond jealous.. I'm failing my masters thesis right now and feel horrible. I can't afford next years' tuition, my parents will kill me. Plus, its failing in school work which is pretty much the only thing I'm actually good at.
Have a meeting with my supervisor tomorrow.. I don't know what to say and how to talk to him. I'm such a failure he doesn't give a shit. I can't ask him questions because he's not the kind of supervisor who would help me out (he's super busy). Even if he were nicer and more helpful I'd have a hard time talking to him but llike this? :thumbdown:
Don't know how to do my ****yses, the data's shit and I don't know what to do. Wish I could be someone else, anyone. This is a nightmare. Will go out for a smoke and then watch a movie. Don't know how to work on it anyway.
failure
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selon
Well-known member
Lea
Banned
Don't be jealous, you're doing your master! I'm not even there yet! Before this I had failed and had to add an extra year to this school, felt horrible but I made it now. You can do it!
I thought about what I wrote yesterday and realized I should just let it go. I'm not going to confront my friend about it. We were in elementary school, basically just kids, and to suddenly dig up something from the past and call her out on it is like holding a long-term grudge against someone. I want to drop this grudge and move on. I'm tired of thinking about it. Plus I'm only her childhood friend, not that we're friends anymore at this point. Let it go and move on.
MBinMN
Well-known member
Im still feeling terrible after my week long camping event. Im reliving every moment. Its so clear I am unliked. No one wanted to continue talking to me, they got up and left. Husband and I sat in main area where people went for pot luck - probably 80 or so people. We were at the only table where it was just us. No one sat with us. When partying was going on at night no one sat near my husband and I. During the day no one wanted to talk to us. It was IN my face how much I was hated. People like my husband but I have been flat out told by a few that I am not likeable. I just feel like I need to leave my husband. He would be so much happier without me. Im so hated, misunderstood, disliked. Im told Im bitchy and over emotional. I try so hard to be nice and go out of my way to ask how people are, smile, do all the things I think Im supposed to but yet still no one wants to be around me.
God this hurts.
I just feel like I need to leave my husband. He would be so much happier without me. Im so hated, misunderstood, disliked. Im told Im bitchy and over emotional. I try so hard to be nice and go out of my way to ask how people are, smile, do all the things I think Im supposed to but yet still no one wants to be around me. God this hurts.
Nanita
Well-known member
Im still feeling terrible after my week long camping event. Im reliving every moment. Its so clear I am unliked. No one wanted to continue talking to me, they got up and left. Husband and I sat in main area where people went for pot luck - probably 80 or so people. We were at the only table where it was just us. No one sat with us. When partying was going on at night no one sat near my husband and I. During the day no one wanted to talk to us. It was IN my face how much I was hated. People like my husband but I have been flat out told by a few that I am not likeable.
God this hurts.
I´m really sorry you´re feeling terrible. You deserve to feel good.
In those situations when you´re with people, do you feel very insecure and nervous? because I know that people often translate that as "bitchy" or whatever.
I can relate to this,most people don´t feel comfortable talking to me. Over and over I have been told that I seem like a snob, arrogant, unapproachable. What I usually feel (on the inside) is nervous, insecure, feel like an outsider no matter what is going on. And that obviously makes me come across as a snob.
Even when I TRY to be outgoing and extra friendly, it is still not enough for other people.
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MBinMN
Well-known member
Oh yes I feel like I am under a microscope, everyone can see I am feeling insecure and uncomfortable. I quite often just flee !
Camping I went to our camper.
Parties I just go home.
Nanita
Well-known member
Like being under a microscope is a very good way to put. I feel the same.
I get way too self-conscious. It just isn´t easy.
I flee smetimes too. And if I can´t flee, I feel completely trapped and then a serious panic attack might begin.
MBinMN
Well-known member
Yep thats me too!
So now I am kicking myself that I ruined our whole vacation with my madness :kickingmyself: