I met some other students today in the cafe who just kind of sat down, and shortly after everyone started talking. For an hour and a half it was pretty cool to have company and be talking to totally new and different people, but after that we drifted off and I'm back to... nada.
I almost think it might be better to not socialize at all, because although I love it while it lasts I still shake slightly after awhile and it reminds me of what I'm never going to have long-term. I feel somehow better, yet infinitely more lonely and hopeless about my ability to turn anything into a real connection. Like I climbed out of a deep, dark hole just to find a wasteland.