How are you feeling?

defiance

defiance

Well-known member
Graeme1988 said:
Ultimately just wishin' it would end already. There's no point....

Ah get up in the morning feelin' shitty, go to bed feelin' much the same. I don't even huv any emotional attachment to anything anymore. Ma family huv this fake concern for me, yet refuse to see just how difficult my life truly is compared to theirs. And they say I lack empathy. Sorry, but, ah don't see much point in caring about folk who only compliment ye when they want summit for ya.

And the rest o' the time they're being bitter n' miserable because "Their life didnae workout as they thought...". Of course, failing to see the irony o' makin' this complaint to a disabled lad. Living for those moments of clarity, peace n' happiness seems pretty pointless in ma case, considering those moments are oh-so very brief and don't last long.
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I'm there with you man. There are these rare and beautiful moments of clarity and calmness that make you feel so glad that you are alive. But to say you are only living for moments as apposed to the entire experience is so terrible in the long run. That basically translates into ill maybe enjoy 5 or maybe 10 percent of my entire existence and be miserable the remaining 90-95 percent of it. It sucks man it just unbelievably sucks. Waking up to immense despair and going to sleep to immense despair is something I can relate to as well. I am being judged on what I cannot do when people have no I idea the hurdles I have to jump through if I am to accomplish them. Well off to another pointless day of being miserable.:kickingmyself:
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
defiance said:
I'm there with you man. There are these rare and beautiful moments of clarity and calmness that make you feel so glad that you are alive. But to say you are only living for moments as apposed to the entire experience is so terrible in the long run. That basically translates into ill maybe enjoy 5 or maybe 10 percent of my entire existence and be miserable the remaining 90-95 percent of it. It sucks man it just unbelievably sucks. Waking up to immense despair and going to sleep to immense despair is something I can relate to as well. I am being judged on what I cannot do when people have no I idea the hurdles I have to jump through if I am to accomplish them. Well off to another pointless day of being miserable.:kickingmyself:
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Yep! I can definitely relate to that feelin', bro. :sad:

Sadly, for me, it's those times when I'm either laughin' at a comedian or enjoyin' a music gig that I'm probably most happy these days.

Och well, better enjoy ma last week in Edinburgh afore headin' home. Dreadin' whit ah'll be headin' back to... :thumbdown: If only movin' away perminently were an option for me. :idontknow:
 
S_Spartan

S_Spartan

Well-known member
I hate all of it! Every last disgusting, slimy, rancid, filthy, hopeless, worthless, dirty, soulless, heartless, mean, b1tchy, foul, awful, depressing, obstinate, stomach turning, wretched bit of it!
 
defiance

defiance

Well-known member
I wish I wasn't so worthless. I wish I could contribute to the people around me who are growing to depend on me more and more as the years go by and I get older. I am supposed to meet certain expectations as an adult. That's the irony I suppose. Mentally, where it counts the most, I am barely a teenager if that at all. The thing is I try but when you are broken into a million pieces, you can only put so many pieces back together before it overwhelms you and you can no longer push forward. Just my luck I guess.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
defiance said:
I wish I wasn't so worthless. I wish I could contribute to the people around me who are growing to depend on me more and more as the years go by and I get older. I am supposed to meet certain expectations as an adult. That's the irony I suppose. Mentally, where it counts the most, I am barely a teenager if that at all. The thing is I try but when you are broken into a million pieces, you can only put so many pieces back together before it overwhelms you and you can no longer push forward. Just my luck I guess.
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Ah know this probably counts for sod all, but I can really relate to this post. I feel the way mentally. Though, that could have a lot to do with missing on a lotta things yer supposed to huv learnt by yer late teens. :sad:
 
kilojoule

kilojoule

1
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhggggggggggggggggggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrbleh

I think that sums it up
 
S_Spartan

S_Spartan

Well-known member
Just sitting here boozin' and listening to "Layla". I didn't know before that this album was actually all about Eric Clapton's unrequited love for George Harrison's wife. Guess that's kinda weird...
 
defiance

defiance

Well-known member
Graeme1988 said:
Why do I always allow my anxiety and depression to get the better of me. :kickingmyself:
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I know what you mean. This is one of the questions I ALWAYS ask myself every single day. Because the thing is people like us sometimes get mistaken for being lazy because we aren't out there living life or contributing in one way or another or even being social. But I think this just really shows how powerful anxiety and depression are. When we want to change and even make the effort but it still falls short. If people understood this issue better I swear we would all be better off. Just my two cents but hell what do I know.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
defiance said:
I know what you mean. This is one of the questions I ALWAYS ask myself every single day. Because the thing is people like us sometimes get mistaken for being lazy because we aren't out there living life or contributing in one way or another or even being social. But I think this just really shows how powerful anxiety and depression are. When we want to change and even make the effort but it still falls short. If people understood this issue better I swear we would all be better off. Just my two cents but hell what do I know.
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Couldnae huv said it better myself. Yer no wrong, though. So, don't be quickly dismissive of yer insight there.

I just wish ah didnae feel so outside of it all, y'know?
Constantly anxious, and always feelin' out of place.
Not belonging and being weary of people in general.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
Graeme1988 said:
Ultimately just wishin' it would end already. There's no point....

Ah get up in the morning feelin' shitty, go to bed feelin' much the same. I don't even huv any emotional attachment to anything anymore. Ma family huv this fake concern for me, yet refuse to see just how difficult my life truly is compared to theirs. And they say I lack empathy. Sorry, but, ah don't see much point in caring about folk who only compliment ye when they want summit from ya.

And the rest o' the time they're being bitter n' miserable because "Their life didnae workout as they thought...". Of course, failing to see the irony o' makin' this complaint to a disabled lad. Living for those moments of clarity, peace n' happiness seems pretty pointless in ma case, considering those moments are oh-so very brief and don't last long.
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I guess thats what i'm living for too. Of course it doesn't stack up to making life worthwhile overall, but it is SOMETHING nonelessless, and something is better than nothing. I just gotta keep practising gratitude for not only these brief moments, but for all of the other stuff that i take for granted (eg the air that we breathe)
 
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Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ah hate being reminded of what age I'll almost be, because ah don't feel like I'm that age mentally. And that's quite sad. When ah look back and realise I've wasted most of formative and adult years trying to fit in, please people and hope to f**k they think better of me than I do, myself.

Yet, nowadays, ah spend much of my time attempting to just fade into the background, and go unnoticed. Never drawing attention to masel', or speaking up when it's ok or even justified to do so. Naw, naw, dinnae mind me, you'll no even notice I'm here

Still as painfully shy, awkward, weird, unassuming, naive, deeply insecure and somewhat well-spoken as ever. Still wondering who I am, still afraid of this world around me. :sad:
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
It feels quite odd, I'm trying not to cry just writing this post. To feel such an emotional attach to a city where ah don't even live, yet it feels like a home away fae home. Ah guess, it's just the great memories and hilarious moments ah'll be taking with me from Edinburgh this year.

And the fact ah used to go to the Children's Hospital here from when ah was born til my mid-teens.

Though, next year I must find the time inbetween the Fringe to visit Edinburgh Castle. Huv'nae done that since ah went there on a primary school trip.
 
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