GraybeardGhost
Well-known member
I'm so afraid.
How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Going out for lunch tomorrow, ah know it's weird, but I'm super anxious about it.
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Quite depressed. :sad: Not really sure what to do with ma life.
Tired of being treated like a joke by ma family all the time. But doubt they'll ever see me as anything but that. :kickingmyself:
Tired of being treated like a joke by ma family all the time. But doubt they'll ever see me as anything but that. :kickingmyself:
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
How can you say you know what I mean
when your pissin all over my life
You never THINK
before you speak
when your pissin all over my life
You never THINK
before you speak
GraybeardGhost
Well-known member
Sadness and regret. I think I've let negativity and neglect screw up what I have long considered my most important friendship. What once was full and vibrant has withered like a rose broken off from its stem. I'm not sure how to fix this. I guess one day at a time, one step, one kind and thoughtful word after another is all I can do, then wait and see what happens. Trying to take the positive approach.
Still, if I'd only been a better person, a better friend . . . :sad:
Still, if I'd only been a better person, a better friend . . . :sad:
defiance
Well-known member
I had a dream where I was soooo miserable that I couldn't stop crying. I woke up and for about 10 seconds I was feeling that same misery from my dream and I almost starting crying in the middle of the night but I managed to hold it back. Then I started pondering about my life some more. Is it ever going to get better? I wondered if my current self is also a glimpse into my future self. By that I mean I am the same broken person then as I am now. If that is going to be the case, then I really don't have a reason to live. But that's the irony I suppose because I say I have no reason to live and yet I don't think I have truly lived for 15 years now. Rather I should say I merely exist.:sad:
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Sorry to hear that yous are feeling this way. Though ah cun relate, so... :idontknow:
Kinda feel like I'm back at square one, which is really frustrating. :kickingmyself:
grapevine
Well-known member
I hate hate hate seeing photos of myself that I didnt know were taken. I never do photos but going onto facebook and seeing a photo from my bf pics and I just scream inside that I just dont want to be seen - I hate the way I look and feel so ugly. ITs now going to put a whole bad light on today. I just dont want to be seen at all.
I hate this. And then I think about him and how glorified he can be about his appearance and how Im going to be all down again. I mean I dod have a cold right now anyway and stressed to the max. But I just feel like people are like - why is he with me.. etc.. I hate it.
I hate the way i look. Im so ashamed and embarrassed. I feel like hiding away.
Its like I have to fake happy
I hate this. And then I think about him and how glorified he can be about his appearance and how Im going to be all down again. I mean I dod have a cold right now anyway and stressed to the max. But I just feel like people are like - why is he with me.. etc.. I hate it.
I hate the way i look. Im so ashamed and embarrassed. I feel like hiding away.
Its like I have to fake happy
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Not great, don't really like myself at the moment. :sad: :idontknow:
defiance
Well-known member
I wasn't going to post this. However, keeping it bottled up inside is doing me much more harm. I wish the man that I am biologically related to, as I will never refer to him with the D word, was never born. I hate this man with a passion. I don't use the word hate loosely but my god I hate HATE this man. He ruined my wonderful mothers life, even though she won't say it as she always tries to stay positive. He is a lazy good for nothing piece of sh*t who plays on his phone and smokes pretty much all day. If he wasn't born then I WIN THE ULTIMATE LOTTERY. I won't have to be here to suffer and my mom won't have to have her life ruined by this HORRIBLE MAN. You know what makes this situation even worse? The fact that I am dependent on him for certain things. My mental defects have created an environment where the man I despise is someone I need around for those certain things. This drives me nuts every time I think about it. God I want to put a bullet in my brain so bad right now.:crying:
GraybeardGhost
Well-known member
Sad, sad, sad. I look around my apartment, and I see hardly a bare surface anywhere. Every table and shelf is cluttered, every closet and cupboard bursting. So many books and tools, papers and clothes, boxes and buckets and piles of everything else. So much stuff, and yet there are holes. Things are missing. Things have been taken away or lost. Some were never here at all. Family, friends, career, purpose, health, freedom, love. Big things, big holes. Big, empty, aching abscesses in the structure of my life that no dentist, however skilled, and no amount of silver or gold can fill. I have things, I have stuff, I have food to eat and money enough to pay my bills, but as long as the holes remain, I have nothing. Without those missing things, the things that give substance, quality, and meaning to life, everything else is just ashes and dust—and so am I.
hoddesdon
Well-known member
Going out for lunch is quite common.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Aye, ah know. It's just something I rarely do these days.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Stressed. Wishin' I lived alone in middle of nowhere. Sure ah'd probably be miserable, but at least ah wouldnae huv some c*nty family giving me their opinion, when it wus'nae asked for. Jeez! If yer not going to say somethin' positive, just keep it tae yersel', like. :kickingmyself:
Hate still living with ma family. Ah'll be glad when ah finally get a place of ma own.
Hate still living with ma family. Ah'll be glad when ah finally get a place of ma own.
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SpaceTime
Well-known member
Sounds like a plan, gotta be worth a try, from reading your posts you're not happy where you are. Don't burn your bridges so you keep your options open, but try it out if its feasible. Good to see you've got ambition man. That's what I need, but I think I'm picking up a little too. I did some house DIY this weekend for first time in almost a decade. Feels good. :thumbup:
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Nope! Not been happy for a few years now, to be honest. Though, ah'd say it's more a desire to get outta the shitty, wee toon where I've lived since ah wus born.
And it's not like ah wouldnae cope on ma own, since I've gotten on fine when ah wus alone for a few days when ma mum went to visit one o' ma sisters in Ireland.
Well, tae be fair, doing some DIY is better than nothin'. :thumbup: