How are you feeling?

[defiance]

How much more of this pain and misery must I endure? Has it not been enough? Must I suffer more? How can I survive if I keep suffering? Maybe my new years resolution should have been to gather up the courage necessary to end my misery once and for all. For me, life is not a gift but rather a curse. I laugh on the inside when someone says life is the greatest gift of all. Maybe one day I will be free, but that day is not today and I doubt tomorrow will be any different.

 

[theslowesthand]

How much more of this pain and misery must I endure? Has it not been enough? Must I suffer more? How can I survive if I keep suffering? Maybe my new years resolution should have been to gather up the courage necessary to end my misery once and for all. For me, life is not a gift but rather a curse. I laugh on the inside when someone says life is the greatest gift of all. Maybe one day I will be free, but that day is not today and I doubt tomorrow will be any different.

Ever tried your hand at poetry? (i spotted a rhyme above - endure & more! i take it that was not deliberate?).
It could give you something to do, instead of just to stew.
It can turn pain into humour, now that's a real boomer.
It can exercise the brain, creating new pathways, & ridding pain.
(sorry, couldn't help but to create a rhyme for you!)

 

[defiance]

Ever tried your hand at poetry? (i spotted a rhyme above - endure & more! i take it that was not deliberate?).
It could give you something to do, instead of just to stew.
It can turn pain into humour, now that's a real boomer.
It can exercise the brain, creating new pathways, & ridding pain.
(sorry, couldn't help but to create a rhyme for you!)

definitely not intended.:bigsmile:

 

[Graeme1988]

At this point, don't really know how I should feel. :idontknow:

It seems I'm the one in my family whom it's acceptable to disappoint, lie to and take advantage of, and I'll just put up with it. I think I'm part of the point of caring to actually give a shit, like I'm used to it being this way. Guess I've just gotten numb to it.

Though, the constantly being underestimated due to my disability still hurts. :sad: Makes me wish I was born without it.

 

[defiance]

I said this before but I have to say it again as I feel it describes my life in a nutshell. I feel as if my life is a fatal car crash in slow motion. You see what is happening but you just can't do anything about it because everything has already been set into motion. I feel so bad for my mom for having such a loser like me for a son. She deserves so much better as she is an amazing person.

 

[theslowesthand]

I said this before but I have to say it again as I feel it describes my life in a nutshell. I feel as if my life is a fatal car crash in slow motion. You see what is happening but you just can't do anything about it because everything has already been set into motion. I feel so bad for my mom for having such a loser like me for a son. She deserves so much better as she is an amazing person.

What to you think of this :question:

The truth reveals that you do not need to experience the bad to have the good. The bad will still happen, but you will perceive it differently.

Good/bad: When you know the truth, you take the two sides of life, the good and bad side, and see them as one whole. You do this by understanding what the balancing force means. It means all bad times will pass and be compensated for by an equal amount of good times. It also means all good times will pass and be paid for with an equal amount of bad times. It will always balance.

When you know the truth, you will enjoy the good times more and still avoid a bad time when you can, but when you cannot, the knowledge of the balance helps you get through the bad times. This is because knowing that the worse it gets, the better it will be, makes bad times almost enjoyable. More importantly, it centers your perspective of life. You see both sides of life; whole life, true life.

You do not get just 50/50; you get 100%.

The knowledge of the balance takes away your reasons to be mad, sad, hate, worry, envy, be disappointed; it takes away all negative emotions and feelings.

It removes all stress and negative mind-made feelings from your life.

The mind starts disappearing, and true life starts appearing.

As the mind gets smaller, life gets bigger. As the mind shrinks, life expands. When the mind disappears completely, your perception of life becomes clear. Eventually, you will only think when you have to, which is not very often. You will be able to accept the present of life, no matter what is happening. You change into a new being, a spiritual being, and you become the present, the eternal NOW.

...

True life is perfect: You can see and experience a perfect life, because that is the way life actually is. Our imperfect minds mess it up.

(from The Present - Universal Truth - The Ultimate Truth)

 

[theslowesthand]

Another day of roadworks. I'm sick of it. I hate roadworks. Also had power off today; another thing i had to endure. :thumbdown:
I hate roadworks to the same extent i hate crickets chirping. :thumbdown:

 

[Opaline]

I was feeling crappy, until I found an oddly - actually suggestively-shaped - cheeto in the bag while snacking. And now my mood is better

 

[theslowesthand]

I was feeling crappy, until I found an oddly - actually suggestively-shaped - cheeto in the bag while snacking. And now my mood is better

Good for you Sarah!

Ps: Could you frame it? Or stick it in a box (a "mood box")? (unless you gobbled it up of course!)

 

[defiance]

I feel like dying so I don't have to deal with this bullsh*t anymore.:sad:


Edit: Also my fear of people and society in general is worse now than it has ever been. This is a major reason as to why I just want to be done with this stupid existence.

 

[theslowesthand]

Also my fear of people and society in general is worse now than it has ever been

Do you have AvPD? I do. My fear of people & society has always been pretty extreme.

 

[theslowesthand]

I don't know why, but i'm in my mid-40s, and i'm getting back into aggressive hard rock & metal in a big way (& now also doom metal). For the past few years (major depression, hospitalised, etc) i have hardly listened to any such music (basically just listened to gentle classical music & nothing else). I wonder if it's a good thing or not? :idontknow:

 

[defiance]

I don't know why, but i'm in my mid-40s, and i'm getting back into aggressive hard rock & metal in a big way (& now also doom metal). For the past few years (major depression, hospitalised, etc) i have hardly listened to any such music (basically just listened to gentle classical music & nothing else). I wonder if it's a good thing or not? :idontknow:

We tend to listen to music that resonates with who we are or how we feel. Going back and listening to that kind of music might imply that certain emotions that were once dormant might be coming out again. Me for example because I feel suicidal quite a bit, I listen to music that is about such topics and being depressed. I also try to throw in things that can cheer me up as well but usually it is what and how I am feeling that will determine the music I listen to.

 

[Graeme1988]

I don't know why, but i'm in my mid-40s, and i'm getting back into aggressive hard rock & metal in a big way (& now also doom metal). For the past few years (major depression, hospitalised, etc) i have hardly listened to any such music (basically just listened to gentle classical music & nothing else). I wonder if it's a good thing or not? :idontknow:

I've been listening to that type of music since I was 12. Still love, as I edge toward being 30. Age is just number. Like the music you like, don't feel the need to justify it, man. :thumbup:

 

[PugofCrydee]

I've been listening to that type of music since I was 12. Still love, as I edge toward being 30. Age is just number. Like the music you like, don't feel the need to justify it, man. :thumbup:

I agree Graeme. I've learned to enjoy whatever music appeals to me. Screw what's 'popular' or whats 'cool'. I enjoy metal, classical, techno, dance, acoustic, older music, anything that appeals to me on an inner level.

 

[theslowesthand]

I've been listening to that type of music since I was 12. Still love, as I edge toward being 30. Age is just number. Like the music you like, don't feel the need to justify it, man

I just wonder if it means i'm going downhill mental-health-wise (it's mainly the heaviest stuff & doom metal actually). I wonder if i'm becoming a more aggressive person overall (i have had a few major angry outbursts recently). :question:
I'm not blaming this type of music, far from it, but that me listening to much of it now seems to be a symptom of my increasing aggressiveness.

 

[Graeme1988]

I just wonder if it means i'm going downhill mental-health-wise (it's mainly the heaviest stuff & doom metal actually). I wonder if i'm becoming a more aggressive person overall (i have had a few major angry outbursts recently). :question:
I'm not blaming this type of music, far from it, but that me listening to much of it now seems to be a symptom of my increasing aggressiveness.

Oh, now I see why you were questioning getting back into the hard rock/metal genre. Could you use it as a release? :question: Like most guys tend to do while working out at the gym. Since it should really be a cathartic or uplifting experience, depending on the band/genre yer listening to, of course.

Just saying, like... Or you could always learn how to play the drums?

 

[Hot_Tamale]

Flabbergasted and amazed, that's how I felt at work today. For those of you that don't know I work at a restaurant full time and something beyond comprehension took place tonight....here's how it went down in graphic detail:

A large Hispanic man enters the restaurant and heads straight for the restroom. Me and my coworkers don't notice him because we are dealing with so many other customers. It turns out the man spent close to 30 minutes in the restroom and then left without anyone noticing this fact until it was too late.
Next thing I know I hear my coworker let out a yell from the same restroom the large Hispanic man had just used. Literal human sh*t painted on the walls, on the paper towel dispenser, toilet, handrail, and door, fresh human sh*t everywhere. I DO NOT GET PAID ENOUGH FOR THIS AGGRAVATION!! I cannot make this kind of stuff up and some customers are just plain @$$holes (no pun intended).

 

[PugofCrydee]

Flabbergasted and amazed, that's how I felt at work today. For those of you that don't know I work at a restaurant full time and something beyond comprehension took place tonight....here's how it went down in graphic detail:

A large Hispanic man enters the restaurant and heads straight for the restroom. Me and my coworkers don't notice him because we are dealing with so many other customers. It turns out the man spent close to 30 minutes in the restroom and then left without anyone noticing this fact until it was too late.
Next thing I know I hear my coworker let out a yell from the same restroom the large Hispanic man had just used. Literal human sh*t painted on the walls, on the paper towel dispenser, toilet, handrail, and door, fresh human sh*t everywhere. I DO NOT GET PAID ENOUGH FOR THIS AGGRAVATION!! I cannot make this kind of stuff up and some customers are just plain @$$holes (no pun intended).

OMG thats so gross... some people are just... faeces in human form.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Feeling a bit down. I hope the black dog isn't going to appear by my side shortly..