How do you deal with break ups while having SP/SA?

[black-wings]

My gf and i had to part ways the day before yesterday and im wondering how long before i meet another girl. i feel good that im single again but SA has always been my achilles heel as far as taking my dating status to the next level. since i was 18 (22 now) ive had 6 gfs but i feel i can get alot more but my anxiety just won't allow me to doubt myself and the type of guy i am. do any of you feel the same way? how do you deal with it?

 

[¯\(º_o)/¯]

Well, I don't think SA should be something you should allow to control you. It's your responsibility to rise above it. And if you will it, you can do it. You're not powerless, you control your reactions ultimately.
Good luck bebz.

This is one if best things iv seen posted on here, I always see people so down and so unwilling to fix their problems so they just wallow in misery

I love seeing encouragement givin to people.
I do believe your spot on, don't let SA rule you, rule your SA

 

[black-wings]

yeah you're right. and i believe me, i will deal with it. i guess my only question is how do i deal with it? cause you both are right, i DON'T wanna wallow in defeat ya know?

 

[Sora]

You just deal with it, there is no right and wrong way to do it. You just have to learn to. I've only had one proper relationship and it still hurts a bit now even 2 years after it.

So I have only had to do it once from a proper relationship so I can't really tell you other than to just take every day as it comes and try your best. Try to be positive and realise there are other women out there and there is more to life than just a relationship. Although ultimately for myself sharing my life is what will make my life complete.

 

[¯\(º_o)/¯]

The way I deal with it, as im kinda in the same situation, had a girl I loved, she left me, having SA makes it very hard for me to meet people, especially girls.
I just force my way threw, tell my self the years of being sad are way worse then the little bit of anxiety I will have.

Everytime I do something against my SA it makes me feel tons better about myself, knowing that I made progress. But like wise when my SA gets the best of e o feel worse and I know that the feeling of progress is far better then the feeling of failure

 

[Rufus]

After a few days of being sad as fcuk, I usually just man up and realise that it wasn't that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. Fun was had, experiences shared.

You can either decide to learn something from the relationship, get positive and move on, or just sit around feeling sorry for yourself. I found that the more I thought about it, the worse I ended up feeling so just getting out there again was the best remedy for getting over stuff.

Sometimes even now I see a photo of a certain girl and kick myself for what happened. But you know what, life is for living and carrying around old baggage is just a fools game.

 

[MikeyC]

You just deal with it, there is no right and wrong way to do it.

Pretty much this, I have to say. You have your own ways of dealing with a break-up, and the next guy will deal with it very differently, and the guy after will deal with it another way again, and so forth.

I broke up with my girlfriend under a month ago and I just dealt with it by getting my emotions out that night via alcohol to a bunch of people I would never normally cry around. I got better day by day from then. My love-shyness prevented that relationship from going any further.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Ohhh... after an 8 year relationship, I cried every day, all day for 1 straight year, wanted to die for about 6-8 months and now I'm into year 3 and I'm feeling hurt still... but mostly just hollow.
Don't want to date. Not interested in boys or girls... don't socialize with anyone in person.

I'm not sure what would be different if I weren't agoraphobic; but I'm not really the 'get back on the horse' kinda gal~ so I imagine I'd be working and still not dating or thinking about dating.

I've been told there's no specific rules to mending a broken heart.
They say: cry.
I did lots of that. Sick of crying.
They say: keep busy.
I'm stuck on that one... nothing to keep me busy if I'm unable to work and am not interested in doing anything most of the time...
And they also say: get back out there and date.
But I'm not attracted to anyone, so it would just feel wrong for me to date someone when I'm unattracted to them and feel nothing, wouldn't it?
I think it would be.
The main thing is to allow some time to pass. "Time heals all wounds." or something like that.
It's been 3 years so far. I don't feel like I've even begun to heal.
The main thing should be to do things that make you happy.

 

[MikeyC]

The main thing is to allow some time to pass. "Time heals all wounds." or something like that.
It's been 3 years so far. I don't feel like I've even begun to heal.

You've really gone through four different layers of Hell, haven't you? You poor girl. ::

I got a broken heart once. Once. I got over it after about a week of depression and a tight feeling over my chest, but I never, ever forgot it. I'm past it now but I do think that has directly made me a less intimate person. I sometimes wonder how a small action like that can have such an adverse effect on people, but it did on me, I reckon.

In all honesty, Weirdy, time does heal wounds. Your agoraphobia doesn't really allow you to forget the break-up because you're constantly reminded of him. Time does not, however, forget the wounds. It's a matter of how much they affect you in the long run.

I honestly want to give you a hug.

 

[black-wings]

Yeah. i guess the biggest thing for me is 2 things. the jealousy factor:what if some other guy takes my place and the "i broke HER heart" factor: i don't like hurting people, even if its not my gf. but all in all each one of you are spot on. time is the most important thing at this point lol despite the fact that im an impatient person haha