How to deal with loneliness?

[dandriv25]

Starting threads. I'm not really used to this.

Lately I've been feeling pretty good. I'm attempting to get into uni, I'm looking at getting a vocational change that'll give me more money, I've paid off my car, I'm as good at the drums as I've ever been, and things are generally looking up.

However, my biggest crisis at the moment is loneliness. It festers every day, either subtly or overtly, and looms as my biggest emotional challenge today. Some days I'm crippled by this emotional weight. It literally feels like an anvil pushing on my heart and it's an awful feeling - I'm sure some people here know that feeling. :sad:

Does anyone have any tips to beat this? I have to accept that feeling lonely is something I'll have to get used to - I can't force girls to date me - so what are some healthy ways to cope? Surely there's something I can do to make it not hurt so much. It's pretty much the only thing that depresses me enough to notice, and it's instantaneous. Even looking at couples at the mall can trigger it.

I do crave female affection, though. I love hugs and being touched and neither of those things are happening.

I feel the same way. I sometimes get really down at the fact that I've never had a relationship with a girl on any level and probably never will.

My insecurities and lack of confidence have made it impossible to connect with anyone. My only experiences with girls have been negative. Being called fat and ugly and told that no-one would go out with me never helped either.

Seeing other men being so confident really makes me feel bad. I think Irish women are excessively shallow though. Girls from other nationalities seem a lot friendlier and less demanding.

I find company with my hobbies. They'll never hurt me.

Focus on university and education. You have a job, which is good. You've a good chance of meeting someone.

 

[Kiwong]

Keeping hanging in there Bro, you're going good.

 

[Kiwong]

It looks like there was some misunderstanding and she thought Kiwong was referring to her post as threadjacking.:idontknow:

Yes, an unfortunate misunderstanding, I was apologising for polluting this thread with dodgy old car ads. Wasn't referring to Littlegrr, post at all.

 

[MikeyC]

You hang in there dude, we've got your back! :thumbup:

Thanks, jc!

My insecurities and lack of confidence have made it impossible to connect with anyone. My only experiences with girls have been negative. Being called fat and ugly and told that no-one would go out with me never helped either.

Seeing other men being so confident really makes me feel bad. I think Irish women are excessively shallow though. Girls from other nationalities seem a lot friendlier and less demanding.

You and I have had some similar experiences in the past, it would seem. Hang in there, mate, and I reckon you'll find someone. I'm insecure and without confidence, yet I have had interested girls in the past. It does happen!

Also, you're living in Ireland. Nothing wrong with Irish girls. :shyness:

Keeping hanging in there Bro, you're going good.

Cheers, Kiwong. The issue is that it could turn at any second, which isn't good, but right now it's okay.

 

[Kiwong]

Yeah mate, it's a roller coaster, keep riding it, that's all there is.

 

[MikeyC]

Yeah mate, it's a roller coaster, keep riding it, that's all there is.

Absolutely. Thanks for your kindness, Kiwong.

 

[quietjosj]

I suppose you just need a close group of friends and a good lobing who will give everything too see you happy and be there when the going gets tough

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[MikeyC]

I don't have many friends, unfortunately, but my best friend isn't someone I can talk to about this, since his advice would be to take me to a nightclub and/or an escort service, which isn't going to work.

 

[quietjosj]

Its hard too find that 'ride or die' friend I supppse

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[MikeyC]

Its hard too find that 'ride or die' friend I supppse

I guess it does help to find friends that are willing to help you out during these times. One does spring to mind but he's in Melbourne, which is a long car ride or a plane trip away, so I can't exactly just pop around to his house.

The issue is all me, and I can take that. I'm not really what girls want, and I'm a bit strange, but I still hold out hope that I can fall into strangeness with a nice girl.

 

[quietjosj]

Awww mate dont say that abouy yourself im sure theres a girl out there for you !!!!

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[MikeyC]

Awww mate dont say that abouy yourself im sure theres a girl out there for you !!!!

I'm just calling it as I see it, but thanks. I'm on eHarmony and I do like to go out every now and again so I'm sort-of putting myself out there. Thanks again.

I guess this applies, haha.

 

[quietjosj]

Well at least your trying mate which is a step forward hey more than what im doing lol keep going bro.

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[MikeyC]

Thanks for the friendliness, mate. Very much appreciated.

 

[quietjosj]

Its orite we all gotta look out for each other hey

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[MikeyC]

So I got the case of the lonelies again tonight. I decided to go to my favourite chocolate place and then hit a pub in Shellharbour, which was really full and some really aggressive drunk guy tried to talk to me, heh. I did randomly run into a friend-of-a-friend so that was nice to speak to her for about 5 minutes.

After that I drove to Wollongong (about 20 minutes) and then came back. It was nice going out and going for a drive.

I did also speak to my Melbourne mate on the phone, and he said he's having lunch with a few people tomorrow, including Fiona. Well, that didn't do me any good.

I can't keep living like this. I have to start coping somehow. If I knew the magic cure I would've used it by now. The positive is that I went out and got a little pro-active with my emotions, so I'll take that as a pyrrhic victory for now.

 

[Silatuyok]

I so wish I could help you, Mikey. The happier I feel lately, the more I wish I could just reach out and heal everyone who is suffering. I remember very well the times when I was lonely, especially during the holidays, or the many times when I was simply out of my mind crazy. The only thing I can say is just hang in there, and things will get better eventually. I never in a million years would have believed that I could be truly happy, but it can happen. I wish it very much for you (and everyone else here).

 

[MikeyC]

Thanks, Marie. Things will get better, but I just don't know when. This is torture.

I'm glad you're feeling better, though. That makes me happy.

 

[MikeyC]

Something that friend-of-a-friend (Amanda) said last night that struck me was that her boyfriend and another friend are going to have a few drinks tonight or something.

These two friends only know each other through a mutual friend of there's, and mine. So...why wasn't I invited? They know I'm usually free, and I'm a friend of theirs, too...it would seem. I guess I'm just not good enough. It's saddening that there's something about me that turns people away.

I'll cope. I have to.

 

[Phoenixx]

Something that friend-of-a-friend (Amanda) said last night that struck me was that her boyfriend and another friend are going to have a few drinks tonight or something.

These two friends only know each other through a mutual friend of there's, and mine. So...why wasn't I invited? They know I'm usually free, and I'm a friend of theirs, too...it would seem. I guess I'm just not good enough. It's saddening that there's something about me that turns people away.

I'll cope. I have to.

^ I've been left out before on outings and get-togethers like that. Friends have things planned with friends of friends, so you think you'd be invited, but they just go off without you. It's saddening. If you're bored and lonely and need someone to talk to, I'm free to chat.