I can't look at girls

[takethislife]

I travel by streetcar or bus every day for years now. I have this, sort of a problem. Often a girl is standing next to me or somewhere I can see her.
I just can't look at her direction in that situation. I just can't do it.

I'm not sure why. Well, SA obviously. Guess I'm thinking that she'll than think i'm interested in her but I feel like she's way out of my league so... I don't know how to behave in that situation.

And it's worse when a girl is looking at me. Sometimes it's a really cute girl who really is out of my league and it's even more impossible to do it then.
I just stand there and look straight ahead like an idiot but it's really obvious that I can see her looking at me. It gets really weird, I can see her openly staring at me and thinking why the hell I won't look back.

Even I somehow manage to force myself to do it, I instantly look away when she looks back, my heart starts racing and so on.
Am I the only one who is like this?

 

[dyingtolive]

nah man, im like that as well...

whats also difficult if im walking one direction and come close to a girl whose silhouette looks attractive i have to work extra hard to act natural lol

i think the more i go out of my comfort zone the less it affects me. i.e. if i have a day of being in public, then it doesnt get to me as much.

 

[HenryWS]

I'm the exact same. I always have to look the other way - constantly pretending that I'm deep in thought or preoccupied by something, but really I just can't look in their direction.

My heart races too. If I'm on a bus for example and a cute girl sits across from me, I become hyper critical of how I am acting. If I'm talking to a girl at the check-out or other I force myself to make eye-contact because I've been told over the years that people like that. Although I always struggle to hold concentration and end up thinking like I am coming off as really creepy.

 

[MikeyC]

I don't have a problem looking at girls in normal situations, as long as it's not creepy. I do have a problem in clubs and pubs, though, because then I'm expected to be charming and funny, which I am neither. I get anxious in that situation.

 

[montejocarlo]

you're not. i can't look at guys, especially the ones i like. i always get stiff neck when they're near me. it's often so awkward that i would get a fight-or-flight instinct (emphasis on flight). it's either i turn around and ignore them completely- pretend that i didn't see them, or go straight ahead and say hi just so it won't be too obvious that they make me anxious.

 

[MikeyC]

Last year, my friend and I went for a walk to the beach, and two very attractive ladies who I could never approach smiled at us. They were obviously flirting and as we got closer to them I could barely open my mouth and I couldn't look at them. I managed a meek "hey" before walking on. It was bad. I think that's the only time that's ever really happened to me.

 

[Falkor]

I'm a girl and I used to have that feeling.. I'm lesbian so it's even more of stupidity. But still, it's very the same for me, I felt awful looking at girls. Don't know why. Though I learned to just think ''It's just normal to feel that way''

and I'm not that anxious anymore , i guess it was because in the past I was more ''one of the guys'' and I always spent time with guys as friends, and later on got lots of '''girl friends , friend wise''

And after some relationships i feel more normal about it.

So, yeah, you're not alone, dude.

 

[Boby]

No man you are not alone.I even gave up going to school with the subway because the chairs in the train are facing each other.So you basically stay in front of 3-4 persons and is awful,especially when a hot girl decide to sit on the chair in front of me,I was getting nervous and starting to blush.I even tried to avoid sitting down but that didn't help ,the layout in the train make's it easy for someone to stare at you,so I gave up the subway in favor of the buss.

 

[bcsr]

I don't have a problem looking at girls in normal situations, as long as it's not creepy.

And what's wrong with creepy?

But nah, I don't have a problem looking at girls, or having a conversation with them. It's INITIATING a conversation that I struggle with. Once we're talking, I'm fine.

 

[Gaucho]

yep, i have the same problem, but sometimes i know they are interested in me and smile at me, but because of the fact that I'm so inexperienced/ i nearly going nuts. Ofcourse after i walk away I regret what i just did and feel guilty for days how i have been a pu ssy again.

 

[MikeyC]

And what's wrong with creepy?

Judging by that picture...nothing at all!

 

[nightcrawler]

No man you are not alone.I even gave up going to school with the subway because the chairs in the train are facing each other.So you basically stay in front of 3-4 persons and is awful,especially when a hot girl decide to sit on the chair in front of me,I was getting nervous and starting to blush.I even tried to avoid sitting down but that didn't help ,the layout in the train make's it easy for someone to stare at you,so I gave up the subway in favor of the buss.

I know exactly how you feel - I absolutely HATE the subway. They are always packed, and you sit opposite a whole row of strangers with nowhere else to look. It's not even as if you can look out of the bloody window! It's a very high anxiety situation for me and for that reason I haven't been on the subway for years. Last time I had to go across London I took the bus - it may take 10 times longer but at least you're all facing the same way!

As for girls...well I can look at them. In fact I sometimes like them "catching" me looking at them just so they know I fancy them (hope that doesn't sound creepy). I can also smile and even say hi if they are friendly towards me, after that though is where my conversation skills fall apart ::

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Have you seen that movie? 'She's out of my league'?

It's probably better to just get rid of that concept entirely-- you'll miss alot of chances, otherwise.

 

[Aletheia]

And it's worse when a girl is looking at me. Sometimes it's a really cute girl who really is out of my league and it's even more impossible to do it then.

Leave it to her to decide whether you're in her league. If she's looking at you there's a good chance she thinks you are.

I wish I was better at following this advice. I think everybody gets nervous around people they find attractive.

 

[OceanMist]

I travel by streetcar or bus every day for years now. I have this, sort of a problem. Often a girl is standing next to me or somewhere I can see her.
I just can't look at her direction in that situation. I just can't do it.

I'm not sure why.

Am I the only one who is like this?

In my case I don't like looking at strangers period. I guess I have a harder time making eye contact with women that I don't know and I think a big reason why is because I don't want to be seen as the creepy guy who stares at women. I am careful about being seen as creepy. I've noticed that many people relate shyness to creepiness. It sucks that many people see us that way because it's not even true in many cases, especially with me.

Anyway, don't feel bad about being shy around women that you don't know. Once you get to know women it becomes a lot easier to look at them.

 

[Kiwong]

I'm too anxious to look at anyone for a few moments. Looking at girls gives me more credit or confidence than I have, because I have none. If someone smiles at me or wants to talk to me I become paralysed. I know they will notice my anxiety, and that rarely leads to a happy ending.

 

[knowledgeofself]

I do this a lot. I have issues with people staring at me even if its for good reasons. I just don't like people analysing me, or feeling observed.

it gets to me a lot, I realise i'm ruining my own chances but I can't seem to alter my behaviour.::

 

[coyote]

i have a hard time NOT looking at women

the problem is when i look at them and i notice that they're looking at me

then i become self conscious

and that's when the anxiety kicks in

as long as i can forget about myself, i'm fine

so the trick is to turn the experience into being about HER

even if it's only in my own mind

the less i think about myself the better

 

[lurknomore]

I don't look at anyone, or notice anyone ever looking at me. I guess I've had the "staring is rude" mantra ingrained into my skull since I was a child, so I don't look at people for longer than a passing glance unless I'm actually speaking to them. And I imagine if I did notice them looking at me, I'd just pretend not to notice- except at work, where people do look at me, but only because they know I work there and want to ask me a question about something.

 

[MikeyC]

Have you seen that movie? 'She's out of my league'?

It's probably better to just get rid of that concept entirely-- you'll miss alot of chances, otherwise.

It's not easy when someone like me thinks everyone is out of my league.

I think everybody gets nervous around people they find attractive.

Not all the time for me, though. There's a really cute teacher that I talk to when I see her at work, but it's pretty easy to chat to her because she's married and I know I don't have to try and impress. Not that I'd know how to do that, anyway, but that extra pressure isn't there.

If I were at a bar and I had to try and impress a girl there, I would get too anxious and leave the situation. I have blown many, many opportunities because of that.

i have a hard time NOT looking at women

the problem is when i look at them and i notice that they're looking at me

then i become self conscious

and that's when the anxiety kicks in

Yeah, I get this, too. Despite my anxiety around women, I know a good-looking one when I see one. As long as she's not looking at me, it's okay.